True Life Story: My Wife Thinks I Am Overreacting But I Am Surprised She Won’t Take Me Serious
Dear Lively Stones,
I need your advise. My Wife thinks I am overreacting but I am no longer comfortable in my home. I am a married man, got married 3 years ago. When we got married, my wife had several miscarriages that became worrisome. We are Christians so we pray about this for many months. My wife grew up with her Aunty because her mom passed on when she was in secondary school. My wife told me that life with her Aunty was difficult because her father did not care for her or her siblings.
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So when she was old enough, her aunt sent her to do house maid jobs for several people. Life was tough but through some good Samaritans, she was able to actually go to school and she is into fashion designing. When we got married, I do not think her aunt was happy for her. Infact, I dont think her aunt has ever been happy for my wife’s success in life after all the pain she made her go through…doing hard labour as a child, working as maid and the aunt was the one collecting every money she made.
However, my wife is not the type to be vindictive so she never saw her aunt that way but I did. I saw how the aunt was making unreasonable demands during the wedding. I saw how she was talking harshly to me and my wife. My wife would just be pleading with me to ignore everything. That she is used to the way the aunt is mean but she believes its not intentional.
So when we started having these miscarriages, I did not want anyone to know. After nine months of marriage, this aunt started asking why my wife was not pregnant. She started insisting on taking my wife for many spiritual interventions but we refused. We never told her anytime there was a miscarriage either. So when this last pregnancy occurred, I told my wife to block the aunty, she did not want to but I did something to my wife’s phone so that any call from the aunty will go straight to voicemail and I always deleted the voicemail before my wife would notice..
I also found a new apartment and made sure no one knew where we were now living. As God would have it, my wife delivered safely this time. I dont know how my wife told a cousin who told the aunt and the woman got my number and started calling me, accusing me of creating a enmity with her and my wife. She said my wife was pregnant and had a baby and we did not tell her.
Well, after everything, she said she must come for Omogwu. I said no need but she said she will report me to their family that I am keeping their daughter hidden away from them. So, I prayed and felt we could allow her come stay for like a month or so. So when she came, she seemed happy to see our baby but I was being very cautious and prayerful.
Then I started observing that she had a particular body odor that smelled strange. I asked my wife if she noticed, she said no. But I was determined to find out why this woman smelt funny to me. So one day, I made sure she was out of the house and I went through her stuff and saw some black substances wrapped in leaves. I was shocked cos immediately I saw it, that smell from the woman came from it.
So I took it out and showed my wife. My wife was like, what is this? When her aunt came back, we asked her what is this? She was angry that I went through her bag….she said it was native soap for arthritis. How can native soap be used to cure arthritis? I asked how she got the soap, she said they sell it in their village. I told her I don’t like the smell of teh soap so she should stop using it while in our house.
At that point,she became angry and said if I have something to say, I should say it, that she noticed I dont like her. That the herbal soap smell is not bad and if I don’t want her in our house, I should say so. Then I responded that I don’t want her that its because of my wife I allowed her to come. Immediately, she started cursing me, that she knew it, that I am a bad man. That I want to separate my wife from her cos I want to use my wife for ritual.
This woman started shouting that she will not let me use my wife for ritual. That she is not going anywhere, even at the end of the month. That I will not succeed. These her allegations pissed me off and I told my wife that this woman is being manipulative and that she is trying to turn things around by twisting my words. My wife was begging, to allow her stay till the end of the month then she can ask her to leave so it does not look like we chased her away. I said ok but everyday, the smell of the soap irritates me so much.
Now, I have asked her not to touch my baby if she does not stop using that soap. She did not like this, saying that I am a ritualist. And I can’t stop her from carrying her grandchild. This truly pisses me off…I dont like the smell on my baby for one bit…That one month now feels like one year and I can’t bear it anymore. Every day is quarrel and my wife is crying. I am so angry that I feel like packing her things and sending her packing immediately. Since she entered my house, there has been no peace. And she is still saying she is not leaving because I am a ritualist.
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I even feel my wife is confused, she thinks I am too harsh on the woman…that the way I am behaving will make someone think there is more to this. I told my wife that this woman does not mean well for us but my wife said even if she is evil, that the aunt can’t harm her cos if she wanted to, she would have done that before now. At that point, I told my wife to watch her mouth….and asked her if she ever considered why we had so many miscarriages before?
My wife started carrying face since then. If I talk to her…she barely answers me…please, I don’t this woman in my house…she has succeeded in making me and my wife have issues, I can’t even wait till the end of the month….Please advise, how do I go about this?
Anonymous
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Sir weldone more grace to your vigilance and stand against such people….now as a man they say we should be tolerant how do i mean sir June is just days to end why not make peace with your wife and take this matter to God in prayer and fasting while at the end of the month politely tell you would like to travel with your family for two weeks for a retreat…..sir i pray for grace to pray and stand in the gap for your family thats all that matters
Dear Poster,
You are the priest of your home.
Since you feel that way for now, remain prayer and involve your pastor or prayer team of your church.
From your post, this woman seems manipulative and if her presence would destroy your marriage or cause a strain then you must take your midnight prayer seriously, and insist that she leaves at the end of one month.
Pray for your wife, marriage, family, baby and yourself.
If there are other people in your wife’s paternal or maternal family who supports your marriage and could speak to.the woman, then get them involved immediately. You are the head and must protect your family while you verify all suspicion you have towards the woman.
Do not stop praying and making affirmations together as a family.
Remain nice and caring towards your wife. Again, don’t say things about her aunt.
Do well to block her completely even on your own phone and end every form of communication between the woman and your wife when she leaves.
Stop complaining to your wife anymore but ensure you pray as a family.
Activate communion taking and make effective prayers. I hope your wife comes around soon.
I hope you find a way out of this issue.
Dear poster,I like the fact that you’re being sensitive to matters like this but you need to slow down…..
You’re indeed a man with a sense of responsibility,you want the best for your family,just be patient till the end of the month please … Thank you
God bless and keep your family together in peace and joy, no evil will befall your baby,amen
So, a woman came to your house acting like a lunatic, and you are forming nice guy, OK no p. Maybe until she turns your wife completely against you, and she has started already, see how you and you wife always quarrel.
You are acting like a weak man, how can a woman come to your house bro and act like this, cursing you, insulting you, and the likes, like how?
What kind of man are you. SEND that woman away today. Gosh, I can’t believe what I just read.
Send her away, and be serious with your Bible study and prayer life and fasting like. She is an enemy, she is a wicked woman, your wife worked as a maid and this woman was collecting all her money, I suspect their is a secret between her and your wife, the way your wife defends her even after all the wicked things she did to you wife, guy, something is up.
I commend you for your vigilance over your family. That is what a true husband and father should do.
It’s a pity your wife who should be on the same plane with you is not. Her ignorance is quite appalling.
At this point that the evil aunt has brought a strain in the relationship between you and your wife, you will need to seek for divine intervention.
Talk to any spiritual leader(s) you are comfortable with.
Someone you know your wife will listen to. Let them know what is happening. I believe they will open her eyes and she will understand better.
In the meantime, continue to pray and keep vigilance over your home. The month is almost ended.
If at the end of the month she refuses to leave, then you might go physical with her and send her out of your home.
Dear poster, I commend your grace on this issue but you need more wisdom to handle this issue for it not to escalate beyond what it is
You have tried as the man I will advise that you remain fervent in prayers and fasting as the priest in your home, involved your pastor. And reduce the quarrel for peace and understanding
God protect and shield your family from any harm and raise standard against any household enemy that wants to harm your home amen.