True Life Story: See The Advise My Mother In-law Gave Me
Hi Lively Stones,
Please help me post. I got married four years ago and I must say, it has not been a pleasant experience. I met my husband five years ago. When we met, we dated for almost seven months before he proposed. He introduced me to his family, his parents are divorced. He is not in good terms with his father, I met his brother and sisters and his mom.
When I met his mom, she was not welcoming at all. She made it clear that she was not in support of her son’s marriage. I did not know her reasons, I just tried to be polite to her. My husband ….my boyfriend then, told me to ignore the mom. When we got married, things started unfolding. First, my husband is a addicted alcoholic. He drinks to stupor and does not even know where he is after drinking. Every day he drinks but every weekend, he gets seriously drunk.
I never knew this about him. Maybe because I never spent weekends in his place. I usually visited and left before dark. Another thing is, my husband is a cheat. He is constantly chatting with girls who send him nudes and videos. When I got pregnant, he slept with the girl I brought into my house to help me. I had to send the girl away. All these his behavior was a shock to me, to God who made me…I never knew him like that. He really hid his true nature from me very well.
Then after I had my baby, my husband stopped sleeping with me. What happened was, after I had my baby, I got an STD from my husband. That made me angry cos he refused to use condom and since he infected me, I started to avoid s3x with him. I thought maybe for like a month or two…maybe by then, the infection will be over. But this gave him good excuse to sleep more with his many side chicks.
ALSO READ: True Life Story: My Mother In-law Is Suffocating My Marriage
We quarreled and he can keep malice for Africa. I will end up being the one begging him after we quarrel cos if I don’t, he can ignore me for 4 to 5 days without talking to me. Depression set in. I started feeling hopeless. I tried to focus on my busines, I am a supplier in bulk items. But everyday, coming back home to a wayward husband was seriously getting to me. I consider myself a very prayerful person, so I have been praying for my husband for almost three years.
My family and friends have also joined in the prayers. Many times, my pastor has counselled my husband….he will say he will change but he doesn’t. At a point, I began to suspect the mother who does not like me was behind all our issues. But this woman changed after I had my son. She calls and checks up on us but I tried not to let her know me and my husband are having issues.
However, one day, she came to visit and noticed I had been crying since. My eyes were swollen. She asked me what is going on. I did not know when I started crying and told her everything. She was quiet for a while and said later….that is why she did not agree to our marriage. She said her son is like his father…a useless boy. That his father is a drunk and womanizer….that is why they separated.
That its like a hereditary disease. That she knows marriage is not for everyone, her son and her ex husband are not the type of men that marry and stay faithful to one woman. She advised me, that if I want to stay in the marriage and remain happy…that I better look for a man outside that will be satisfying me. She said that was how she stayed in her marriage until she divorced the father after 20 years of marriage.
According to my mother inlaw….that if I think prayer will change her son, that I am wasting my time. Her advise is…either leave the marriage cos he will not change or I keep myself busy with other men…she even said she caught her son one day having threesome years ago. What my MIL told me shook my entire being to the core. I told her I cannot, she called me a naïve girl, that no marriage can survive without s3x ….that soon I will understand.
I am at loss…is this my destiny? Marriage of just four years…there is no church prayers or deliverance I have not being to….Almost two and half years married without s3x….I have burning desires….can you imagine what my husband told me last December when I confronted him about not sleeping with me…I told him that if he pushes me …I will also cheat….do you know what he said…he said he will really like me to…that it will turn him on…that sometimes, he fantasizes about other men f*cking me while he f*cks the man too. In other words, he wants to have a threesome with me…can you imagine.
My husband said he stopped sleeping with me cos I am boring in s3x….that if I want him to touch me again, I have to agree to him bringing someone to make it spicy. That maybe I can learn how to new things on s3x and how to keep a man excited about s3x. I asked him why he married me if he was not ready to commit to one woman, he said he wanted a wife to care for his home but that does not mean he cannot live his life the way he likes.
I am tired…I am already planning my separation from him cos I see no other way out. I know everyone who has been praying with me will feel disappointed, like after everything…I end up divorced but I see no other way out…. Please advise me. I am only 31 years old.
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You are only 31, really? And you are going through all of these,biko, SEPARATE.
You still have a long way to go, separate biko.
What nonsense? Leave him alone and remarry,the Lord will see you through. Your mother inlaw has spoken,you better leave her son alone,thank God you have just one child.
Dear poster, please divorce him. There are certain problem we pray for in marriage. It takes the Grace of God for some prayers to be answered. But let’s stop deceiving ourselves and be realistic here, let’s put prayer aside. A cheating man and he wants threesome of which you can’t do it can’t work. He doesn’t respect you at all. He has dirty habits you got to find out after marriage and still putting hope on a miracle. Please divorce the man. You’re a young woman. God will give you your own man please. Do not die and leave your kids. Your happiness matters. Forget what people that have been praying for your marriage to work would say. You’re the one going through the pain not them. Don’t let anyone tell you to endure. Please divorce him and find yourself back please. He’s not worth it. My thoughts.
Youre young and your marriage is young for these trials. A married man that wants three some with his matrimonial wife?!
Please find courage to seperate. choose your battles, these should not be a part of it.
It will be well.