True Life Story: See What Happened After I Became A Surrogate To Save My Friends’ Marriage
Hi Lively Stones,
My name is Zima (not real name) from Ghana. Chaz and Chioma are my friends; I introduced them way back in school and since then, they dated and got married. These two had a tumultuous relationship. They used to fight and break up and make up every time. When they eventually got married, it didn’t stop there either. I was the permanent peace maker and marriage counselor for these two. I even introduced them to Lively Stones counselling so they can learn to work on their marriage but nothing worked after months of counselling. What made matters worse was that, they could not conceive after being married for five years.
Both of them cheated on each other to hurt each other. At a point, everyone started advising them to separate before they k*lled each other. They separated for about five months and came back together. Then Chioma asked me to be their surrogate. They have finally realized that Chioma’s PCOS is very severe and she cannot have children on her own. All IVF plans failed.
I refused to be her surrogate cos I did not want anything that would complicate my relationship with these two friends of mine. They offered to pay me for it and also Chioma wept and cried until I told her I will if she and Chaz really want me to do this. So, we started the implant process, u…the first time did not take. We waited a few months, this time, using an egg donor cos Chioma’s eggs were not ok and it worked, I was pregnant after a few weeks. These crazy couple then convinced me to move in with them, so they can take care of me during the pregnancy.
That was a very big mistake. Because being in the same house with them, I saw how crazy both of them are…they still quarreled and fought everyday. Chioma was still seeing her side kick while Chaz had stopped cheating. Chioma confided in me that its the S** with the guy she is having an affair with that keeps pulling her back to him. She loves Chaz and wants to build a family with him but the streets were still calling her name.
Chioma and Chaz had a big fight when I was five months pregnant with their baby. It was so bad that Chioma moved out and did not come back home for weeks. I was now feeling weird. I was living with Chaz alone in their home and the wife was no where around. I could not even reach Chioma cos she must have switched off the phone. Chaz said he checked her at work and was told she took leave.
One morning, I told Chaz I wanted to move back to my place cos I was feeling weird being with him alone. Chaz began to apologize to me for everything they had put me through. He then said that he feels Chioma does not want the marriage and the baby anymore cos the baby has no part of her cos we used a donor egg. I was stunned…but it was Chioma’s idea that a donor egg be used since hers were not healthy. Chaz begged me to stay until I gave birth and I agreed.
One morning, probably around 4am…Chaz knocked on my door…my room was downstairs ..I didn’t know why he was knocking but when I opened the door…Chaz went straight for my lips and began to kiss me. I was dazed and tried to ask him what is going on…all he kept saying was…I want you so bad…I want you so bad….I tried to fend him off but the force he was using was much. Then he stopped and we both were still for a moment…he was like…I want you so bad but I need your consent.
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In my head, I understood why he wanted me…we have been living in this house without his wife…maybe he misses her…maybe he was just horny…maybe his marriage with Chioma is over….and then as if he read my mind,….he said my marriage to Chioma is over. She is not coming back…and I think you are very hot and I want you….everything else he said, made no sense….I melted into his arms and we made love.
Chaz and I made love every day from then…it made sense …I was carrying his child….I was seeing myself as his wife…he wanted me….his wife left him…she is with another man…I was being loved by the father of the child I am carrying. This continued until I was almost nine months pregnant. And then, Chioma showed up and wanted to be reconciled back to Chaz…she wanted to be there for the birth of the baby. I was shocked….Chaz did not object….they just went on like nothing happened.
I was so upset that I told Chioma that I and Chaz had been f*cking and she has to leave him alone…so he can be happy with a woman who will not abandon him every time. Chioma called me names, slut and husband snatcher. I am not saying I am proud of myself but this affair with Chaz started because he made me believe him and Chioma’s marriage is over. And he didnt hear from her for almost 4 months. Now, I am in love with this man who behaves like he is under Chioma’s charm.
Anything Chioma says, he will do. And he did nothing when I told him Chioma abused me, he only said he was sorry ….that Chioma and him are soul mates but I am the one he loves now. This guy is messing with my emotions. I asked him to choose between Chioma and me. I have him 24 hours to choose. He kept saying…I should relax and not out pressure on the baby…that we can decide what we will do after the baby. I refused cos I know after the baby, he will take the baby and move on with Chioma.
So, I packed my stuff and left the house. Everyday, Chaz kept calling and messaging me to come back. Eventually he said he has had a long time to think about this and he has decided its me he wants. I was happy. To prove he was serious, I told him he has to file for a divorce so I can see the divorce papers. He agreed and got the divorce papers which he showed me. A few days later, I had my baby boy, a very healthy and handsome boy who looks exactly like his father.
Now, the issue is, Chioma is refusing to sign the divorce papers. Chioma is demanding sole custody of the child if we want her to give the divorce. Chaz has said he will not give up his son. Me too, I dont think I have the heart to give my baby to Chioma so she take him away from me. I carried him for nine months in my belly….yes, I started as a surrogate but I became his mother when his dad chose me over his wife. Chioma has no biological connection to the child but since the baby was conceived with her consent and the legal wife, she has a claim.
Chioma is suing Chaz for infidelity, for sleeping with their surrogate and she wants full custody. I might loose my child and I dont know how I am going to survive this. The only way Chioma will leave the child with me…is if I agree to remain a side chick or baby mama…she wants to be able to control Chaz and me and the child. I am sick of her and sometimes I wish Chioma will just die and leave us alone. She is selfish and causes too much pain. I don’t know what to do….
I went to Chioma, knelt down and begged her to let me and Chaz be with the baby cos she did not want the baby. How else will she explain that she left the house for almost four months? Chioma said she did not want the baby before but now, she realized she may never have a child of he own and she needs this child that she planned to have with her husband even though they may never be together after this.
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We spoke to a lawyer, to advise us, if Chioma can lay claim to the baby and the lawyer said yes since we signed an agreement that I was a surrogate to her and Chaz. I am so devastated. I think Chioma wants to keep on being close to Chaz even if they divorce….she knows Chaz would want to see his child and use that as an excuse to see her. And that means, Chioma’s hold on Chaz will never end.
So how do we allow Chioma to stay married to Chaz while I am just a baby mama/side chick? Its just not fair…I was Chaz’s comfort while she abandoned him to go f*ck another man. I fell in love with the father of my child…why do I have to sha him or give up the child? There is no guarantee that if we even give her sole custody of the baby, that she will leave Chaz alone….why should I loose on both fronts? This woman is wicked and dubious. She is not in love with Chaz or the baby…she just wants to be selfish as she has always been.
I have not been myself since….crying and crying everyday…. How do I let go of this baby that I love like my own…a baby I nurtured in my womb? I want to blame myself for falling in love but it was clear that their marriage was over….how was I to know that this b*tch will come back after four months? I should have known right? Cos that is what she does all the time, go and come back….jeez…but I thought she was finally done cos the baby’s egg was not hers….please, what should I do? I need your advise on how to tackle this matter.
Anonymous
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You didn’t stick to the agreement,you were only hired to be a surrogate mother to their child.
You knew Chioma was always leaving the marriage and coming back anytime she wishes,yet you went ahead to fall in love with her husband. Why didn’t you mind your business since you weren’t forced to be a surrogate,you knew how they were always fighting.
Anyways,the advise I have for you is this. Give them their baby,that was the initial agreement you had with them,it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t have eggs. Give them their child and leave Chaz alone,this my gender sef,small thing una don fall in love especially when the man is giving you people money. Leave them alone and let them continue with their constant fighting and quarrelling.
If you want a baby,you can be a surrogate mother to yourself or get married. You said,they separated for five months and they came back,now she was gone for just 4 months and you think she won’t come back,abeg back off.
You can place monetary tag on the child before releasing him, remember the child does not belong to you,your eggs wasn’t used either,it was a donor egg that was used.
Be wise! Leave them alone,las las dem go dey alright
Dear Zima.
Agreement is agreement.
Studying the ethics of every job and rules is a life saver.
Surrogate has no business in matters of the heart.
It doesn’t matter what Chaz said when you understand he was missing his wife or S.e.x. Being a surrogate means the man will have feelings for you.
You shouldn’t have let your guard down. The moments of fun you allowed in their house should have been all and the end.
But, how can you think that you can lay hold of right a over the child?
Here are my suggested advice ;
Let Chaz and Chioma have and nurture their baby in their madness.
Tie your eyes and shut your heart against Chaz, you overstepped your limit and should let the feelings drop for now.
Find a better way to distract yourself and focus on your future and finding love.
There is love side Chaz. Find happiness and take your experience as a blessing to taste motherhood and understand boundaries.
Chaz can’t be with you. If you love your life, leave Chaz and Chioma. Except you want to remain their babymama without having a child of your own and man you can call yours.
Leave them to sort their problem. Don’t look back at all. If you don’t escape now, you will be trapped for life and will miss living a happy life for yourself.
You sound bitter and it’s a sign of depression and hatred. At this junction, sought happiness away from Chaz.
Stop helping who has no need of your help.
Finally, you have no right over either the baby or Chaz. You are an intruder. Stick to the agreement. Take your money and say goodbye to the couple and their baby.
You will be fine in less than three months.
Ask for payoff if you wish and travel out.
I hope you remember that your happiness is your sole responsibility and not attached to anyone.
Cheers!
It’s tough but you agreed to be a surrogate, business is business, the right thing to do is get the initial agreed payment for your service and hand them their child. God will give you your own and yours will be beautiful/ handsome and healthy.
If you remain with Chaz, they will keep hurting you, so try to learn from the past – see how Chaz changed immediately Chioma came back, that will keep happening, can you deal with all that drama for the rest of your married life? If not, move on, you will be fine in the end.
Don’t worry, God will bless your good heart for introducing them to each other, trying to reconcile them in the past and agreeing to carry their child. Tell God you are sorry for the adultery.
All the best
I strongly advise, RUN AWAY with the baby and change your No. You made mistake by being a surrogate. Women, don’t ever accept to be surrogate.
Chioma is an irresponsible woman, her husband is a very irresponsible man, you too, why will you sleep with another woman’s husband? Even though you agreed to be a surrogate mother, you shouldn’t have moved into their house.
Please, run away with the baby and go to another state and change your No, then give them any money they have given you.
Don’t make the mistake of giving them the child, forget them totally and do what I said.
I wish you well.
✌