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True Life Story: See What Is Happening To Us After My Fiancé’ Shocking Revelation

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True Life Story: See What Is Happening To Us After My Fiancé’ Shocking Revelation

Hi Lively Stones,

I need your advise. I am a 33 year old woman, working and in a relationship of almost 2 years. I met and fell in love with a good man who proposed to me last December. Jude (not real name) is a 35 years old Engineer. He works in Oil and Gas, average looking but nice good guy. We met two years ago when I attended a church with my friend. Jude was one of those Usher greeters in their church.

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After service, he and some other lady came to welcome us to their church. It was the way he addressed me. He said: pretty sister, welcome to our church, Jesus loves you and I love you. I now its a common church saying to tell someone I love you but in my heart, I wanted it to be true.

As God would have it, a few days later, Jude called me to remind me about church activities to join. I wont lie, I started going to their church because of Jude. I did everything he asked me to do. I joined young believers class, ushers group and cell group because of him. I just liked how nice and kind he was. And yes, he is very nice. He calls, he sends prayer posts, always checking on me.

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Of course, Jude was single. We got talking, he asked me about myself. I told him I was believing God for a husband cos I have been betrayed alot. That was when he opened up to me. That he too has been through alot. He was in a relationship with a woman who has two children for him. They were in love but her family was against their relationship. They got pregnant thinking the family will accept them but they never did. The woman’s parents are rich and they did not want someone like him for their daughter.

After six years, the lady left him with their children. The children were taken abroad and he does not see them anymore. He was really broken I could tell. We became close as we leaned on each other. We both began to develop feelings for each other and became inseparable after a while. Everyone knew we were in Love. We had to tell our pastor that we wanted to get married and they gave us their blessings.

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Our families too were very supportive. Jude is a husband material. The kind of man every woman prays for. He is a prayer warrior….he is kind…caring and romantic. We planned to get married during Easter this year. It was getting harder to stay celibate cos we wanted to wait until after marriage before having s3x. We tried, we really tried. But it was his birthday in December, after the surprise birthday I threw him, we started cuddling and kissing.

Usually…we never past kissing or cuddling but that day…I wanted him so bad…I drove him mad with my desire and we ended up making love. That was when Jude said we cannot visit each other in our homes anymore. He was very upset that he made love to me cos we were not married. I did not see why we had to stop visiting each other in our homes cos I wanted to be with him every time.

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Jude insisted. I thought he was being the good Christian brother that he was. But everything changed after that s3x. For me, I kept dreaming of when I would marry him cos I wanted him more. He made me horny every time I saw him. It was like something came over me. I begged him to let me come visit but he said no. We only saw ourselves in public. It was difficult for me.

On the other hand, Jude became distant from me. I thought it was the guilt he felt from our lovemaking. Maybe he thought he had committed sin. Even though we spoke but he became less ad less passionate and romantic and it began to drive me insane. I began to tell him that he no longer loves me cos his attitude had changed. I cried for him and he told me to bear with him cos he is trying to contain himself from having s3x again.

That was when he told me that he used to have a s3x addiction too. And that being away from s3x for so long helped him stay focus in his belief. That having s3x with me awakened those lustful feelings. I told him I understood and I would try to respect his wishes. He then asked me to tape myself and send me videos of me being nude so he can masturbate to my videos. I was surprised but heck….he was my husband to be and I too was burning for him na.

So, that how we started having a different kind of s3x: phone s3x, video s3x and we would both masturbate and orgasm just during such video calls. We started planning our wedding. Everything was in top gear. Our introduction was in March but Jude wanted to move the introduction to May. I was like…why….we planned to marry in April…Easter time. He said he was not ready cos he had so much to do at work,etc.

That was strange to me but I agreed. From that March to April….Jude would never call as much, he said the work pressure was too much … but I continued to send him my videos. He would reply…thanks my love…this means alot to me. By the end of April, my pastor’s wife called me for a meeting. When I got to her office…Jude was there. I was surprised cos I did not know Jude was going to be there. I even texted Jude that Pastor’s wife wanted to see me. I thought se wanted to inquire about the upcoming wedding.

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Only for me to get there and find Jude sitting there. Our Mummy as we called Pastor’s wife told me that Jude had come to meet her to tell her that he is confused about our union. That he thought I was the one for him but he realized that he may be making a mistake if he marries me but because he has mistakenly slept with me, that he feels obligated to marry me but he thinks we should wait a little longer before we decide if we really wanted to marry each other.

To me, I was beyond shocked and perplexed. Why is Jude saying all these rubbish? Where did the doubt start coming from? He said…his baby mama is reaching out to him…that she wants to work things out and he is wondering if this is God’s sign for him to get his family back…but on the other hand…he can’t keep himself from wanting to f*ck me. That he realized that since he had s3x with me….his s3xual addiction is back….that he finds himself now watching porn and masturbating everyday.

Jude said he prayed for a wife that will help him be a stronger Christian but it appears since he made love to me, his old lifestyle is back and that is why he wants to put the wedding on hold….he wants to go to God in prayers. So that he can know if truly am the one for him or if his baby mama is the one for me. That was why Mummy called me. To ask me what do I think….that do I want to wait for Jude to go to God in prayers or break up with him.

It was like, someone drove a sword into my heart. I felt betrayed. I felt so hurt. I started crying. Is it not the same Jude who told me he prayed and he believed God told him I was the wife that was going to wipe his tears away…why all these? Mummy said it may be God testing me so I said…I will wait for Jude to go into prayers. I was too in love and at the same time embarrassed of what Jude thinks of me. So, he thinks only about s3x with me? No wonder he asked me to film myself and send to him. He is struggling with s3x but how is that my fault?

The major pain is that,…his baby mama trying to come back scares me. Why now? I feel like I do not stand a chance with her. What if God shows Jude that he should go back to her? I am sorry I am not a strong Christian…I made Jude have s3x with me but I did not force him…..why is he paying me back like this? Look at all I have sacrificed for this relationship….my dignity. Do you know how many nudes I have sent Jude?

What if tomorrow Jude does not marry me and those nudes and videos get leaked? I would die. I only did that because I swear…I believed we were getting married and because I thought I was helping him stay away from his addiction. How foolish was I . Why I need advice is this: do you think there is any need to wait for Jude to go to God in prayers?

I almost died of embarrassment when we had to postpone wedding from Easter. Everyone is asking me what happened and I keep lying to them. I told them the church said they are not ready, that we are going through six months pre-marriage counselling but it’s Jude that is not ready. If after the end of six months, things don’t go my way….is it not better to end it now? I love Jude with all my heart. He is the man I dreamed of.

Several times I have asked him if he wants us to break up, he will respond saying: its in God’s hands and my hands…that he does not want to break up with me. That statement gives me some hope that we may still come together. I just pray its not false hope. Please advice me…should I wait until the end of six month…maybe Jude will even finish his prayers before then….but what if things don’t go according to plan?

I am scared….I just can’t come to terms that I might loose Jude. I just want my man and want things to go back to the way they used to be. How is wanting s3x with someone you love so bad? Even if he has an addiction….I don’t mind…I am not a saint either…everyone has their flaws…as long as its me he craves. I will pleasure him anyway he wants…I do not think I can survive another heartbreak.

My friend whom I confided in asked me to share on Lively Stones. Why is Jude all of a sudden super spiritual…he wanted to marry me even though he knew I was not a string Christian.. Which kind of temptation is this…I can’t live without Jude….I will not let him dump me. What do I need to do…for him to want me again….Please help me…What should I do please…I can’t think straight…I can’t sleep or eat well since this situation came up?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

6 COMMENTS

  1. Nne you better start thinking straight because Jude’s baby mama is distracting him,he loves his children,he doesn’t want to have kids outside wedlock.

    Jude wants to work out things with the mother of his children,you were so desperate,you didn’t calm down,you were the one doing the whole of the push in the relationship.

    Jude is just giving flimsy excuses, afterall he is not a child now,hear this,he wants his family back,he wants his children,he doesn’t want a divided home.

    You need to start being a strong christian, forget about him,don’t wait for him to finish up with any prayer oooo,you go just wait tire,you made a mistake by sending your nudes and having sex with him,nne you for hold body small kwanu.

    You are not too old to get married,now you know better,abi. So calm down,be prayerful,be a strong christian,serve God with all your heart,forget about Jude or any man,and watch God do what no man can do. It is well with your soul, amen.

  2. “Maybe he thought he had committed sin”? The sex was a big issue for him even though it wasn’t for you. For him to have opened up to the pastor’s wife, I personally feel that there is little that you can do because from my view point, he is seriously considering (that’s if he has not decided) going back to his ex but doesn’t want to break your heart that is why he said it is in God and your hand. For the record, such sex (out of wedlock) has always been a sin, is a sin and will always be a sin.

  3. That man has more stake with his baby mama than you so even if you eventually marry, you are only going to marry a distracted man. The signs are enough for you to end it now so you dont regret later.
    You have obviously made a mistake in this journey. i dont want to judge the Fiance , i will just focus on you.
    imagine the person that is ajudged stronger than you, how has he faired?!!! I advise you use this as a life’s lesson to also become a strong christian.because, you keep mentioning : youre not a strong christian. its not an award please!

    sex before marriage is a sin. And it breeds confusion, hurts, strayed love like you now have. it even tempers with destinies. This foundation is already faulty with the pre-marital sex , i dont even advise you continue with the Baby mama triangle that will complicate your life.,

    though you ve given so much, Please accept that your fiance has gone back to his baby mama. put yourself together, learn from these and move on.
    As for the videos, Hmmmn, pray it wont be used against you in the future. I pray with you.
    You need to grow up and stop being a weak christian. You cant have a healthy relationship with a man if you dont first have a healthy one with His creator (GOD). Please, use the 6 months to personally give yourself to prayers, self healing.
    it ll be well.
    Peace.

  4. Forget him but how can you be sending your nudes to someone, be prepared for whatever may happen concerning your nudes.

    But i suspect, he is sleeeping with the Pastor’s wife, of all people its her he too, i suspect something between them, go find out.

    All the best.

  5. You sound desperate. If you love yourself a little more,you wouldn’t leave your happiness in the hands of another human being. With or without Jude,you’re supposed to live your life. It’s either you break up now and start healing or continue waiting to be heartbroken properly very soon. Even before the 6 months btw. Never marry a man you love more than he loves you,it won’t end well. Be blessed.

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