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True Life Story: The Girl I Have Been Crushing On Is Not Innocent-Pt 2

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True Life Story: The Girl I Have Been Crushing On Is Not Innocent

Hi Lively Stones,

This situation just got messier. I read some of the comments yesterday on my story (click here to read story) . I know some people mean to wish me well but because most of you are not in my shoes, they probably wont understand. I believe what is going on is truly love at first sight but I am terrified because this is now how I envisaged I would find someone to love. Maybe because I have like most people looked at women who sleep with guys on the first time as loose. I do not think I would love a girl I slept with on the first day. I a, no saint but that is just how most people think.

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So, I sent my story two days ago. I did not go to work the next day because I worked from home. Around 1pm, this girl sends me a text, that she was looking for me during lunch at that usual lunch spot. I did not want to reply but curiosity took the better of me. I replied that I did not got to the office but I worked from home. She sent me a heart emoji after. I was very eager to call her or chat her but I was telling myself not to because, I do not want to continue any hook up with her and I do not think she is a girlfriend or wife material.

ALSO READ: I Told My Boss That I Have A Crush On Him – Did He Take Advantage Of Me?

When it was almost 7pm that same day…someone knocked on my door…I opened and there she was, standing at my door. I asked her what she came for, she said…oh…traffic is much, so I decided to chill here in your place like the other day. I was like…no no no…I am sorry…I do not mean to be rude but I do not think we should hook up again. She was like why? That she felt we had a chemistry that night..so why am I rejecting her….

That was when I told her that I am not a guy that does hook up. That I like her alot but she has given me an impression that I do not feel comfortable with. She asked what impression, I wanted to say nothing but I just blurted it out: I told her I was hoping we could date …but that night she offered s3x changed everything. She looked at me and said she wants to explain something.

So, we both sat down and I was expecting her to explain that she was not the type of girl that I thought she was. Instead, she dropped a bomb shell on my head. This girl told me that she was married. Her husband is abroad and they got married tow years ago. She was supposed to join him but he got someone pregnant and he wants to end the marriage with her. That its been almost 5 months that the husband officially asked her for a divorce.

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This girl went on to describe how she has not been with any other guy in her life since she was in SS1. That she and her husband met when she was in secondary school. They dated throughout up to University. He went abroad to study and she was supposed to join him. They had a traditional wedding before he travelled. But barely a year after he travelled, he met someone else and is asking for divorce.

That she is so ashamed because she has dated this guy all her life and everyone knows them but he is already sharing pictures of himself and the pregnant lady on social media, embarrassing her. People are saying he married her for his papers but he did not tell her neither did she agree to this. She said she had to deactivate all her social media account so she wont be seeing his pictures with that other woman (a black American). She showed me she and her husband’s pictures, the husband’s pictures with the woman, their chats were she was begging him not to break up with her after she had given everything to him.

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This girl said she has been praying as her family encouraged her to still try and pray for the marriage to work. That on that day that I picked her up in the rain, the guy had sent her a message to sign the divorce paper and forget about him, as he wants to move on. That day, she was not herself…she also got drenched in rain and she wanted to end her life when she got home that night. That me giving her a ride, she was so emotionally down, that she wanted to use s3x to drown all the thoughts of depression and suicide that she was battling with.

To be honest, her story sounded unbelievable. A 27 year old, married barely 2 years…about to be divorced and  I realized that things are not so bad anymore. I told her I did not know all these and I really liked her…maybe it was God’s way of bringing us together …that I would like to be her friend but no s3x. She was like…ok…that night, we talked and talked about her life, my life, school, family, growing up, challenges ,etc.

By the time I checked the time, it was almost mid night. I asked her to spend the night…she looked at me like…are you sure? I told her its too late to go home and besides, I will keep to my word now, no more s3x with her…we will remain just friends. She took my guest room and I went to my room. I could barely sleep that night. It appeared she too could barely sleep as her light remained on all through the night.

God knows, I fought the urge to go and meet her in the room. I tried and I almost won. Around 5am, she called my phone and said she wanted to go home. I asked her why so late…she said because she could not sleep…she was thinking she cannot stop thinking and wanting me…that she feels we cannot be just friends. She wants to wants me to f*ck her , that can not pretend anymore.

Say no more….I also felt it was impossible not to want to kiss her and make love to her…we did make love right there. She went home and sent me a text that she cannot see me anymore….since I only want to be friends…that she is attracted to me too much. Same thing too. Now, why am I telling all my business online….its not to kiss and tell on her…its not to sound like I am righteous.

The reason I need help now is:

  1. Now, she is getting divorced….which means, I may end up dating a divorcee…what will my catholic mother who is against divorce day? legally she is even still married to the guy although she said the guy has asked her to move on and she says she is ready to move on….so in a few months, she will be single but divorced….I do not have anything against divorcees but they have never been my preference….I think I need help with resetting my mind on alot of things. Will I be able to cope without judging her for her past marriage? Will my religious family accept her?
  2. Secondly, she told me her side of the story…what of her husband’s side?  what if she did not tell me everything about her? Are there skeletons that may result out of her marriage with a guy she dated almost for 15 years? How does a guy who dated you for so long end up just ditching you…I know guys can be an ass but still….if the guy dicthed her in less than 2 years of marriage …after dating for about 15 years…something is not right….what could that be?
  3. In one week, I have slept with this girl twice…I have never done this ever in my entire 30 years. I want to get married…settle down next year maximum. Does this girl fit the picture of the wife I want to marry? Am I again being too harsh on her? maybe that is what our destiny is supposed to be…

Clearly, she is a good person…but the s3x has scattered my thinking….is this a red flag? Some of you said I should not have slept with her…I agree but I tried…I did not plan to…I have never felt like this before…Maybe I should be a bit open minded and just wait to see where all of this will lead to? She does not want to be just a friend….she wants a relationship…will this be worth it? I have had my share of heart breaks…she excites me and makes me loose my guard and every sense of reasoning? Is this love?

Or is this bad?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Dear poster, I like the various points you listed out, but No-1 should be out of it, I understand giving you her body is wrong, but that could be her own way of dealing with the pains she’s going through…moreover u also mentioned not knowing her husband’s side of the story, only God knows if she’s telling the truth, with time when you get to know her, you will find out more about her, then you can decide the next step to take……I feel she’s lonely and needs someone to comfort her, cos she’s going through a lot, not everyone opens up to a stranger that easily, it’s either she’s truly in love with you or she’s trying to manipulate you….my little advice, get close to her and find out all you need to….it is well with you both….

  2. This is love bro,go ahead but slow down,don’t overtake or over speed.

    Stop sex,build the relationship,try to know her kind of person first,is she really what she says,does she look like it,is she pretending? Try to find out more about her.

    Marrying a divorcee is no sin,they are also human,thank God she doesn’t have a baby yet,she is still young and you are older than her.

    If I were you,I will go to God in prayers,let the will of God be done. Thank God she opened up,that is why I don’t judge people.

    It is well with you bro,you will not make mistake in marriage,amen.

  3. Dear Poster,

    Calm down a little bit. Accept her proposition of relationship but open your eyes and mind to the game. Study her and do some findings about her backgrounds

    Give yourself time to get to know her properly maybe for a year, and your findings will determine your next move….. Either to break off or build up the relationship into a beautiful married life.

    You don’t need to tell your family that your girl is a divorcee. People marry divorces and lives together quite peacefully. Except she have had a child in her former relationship with her Ex which is up to you to decide if you can live with that.

    Give yourself to prayers and get closer to God sincerely. He shall direct your path!

    One Word from God will settle all your doubts and fears

    Peace #

  4. Everyone has their own love story in different ways. Some have met and had sex on the first date and got married shortly after and they’re happily married till date. No body needs to know she’s a divorcee. Spending time with her is the only way to confirm all she told you. You can also do a background check on her using a trusted friend or professional. If her story is in deed true, give her a chance. Giving up on her and later regretting it is worse. All in all,you won’t know what awaits you if you don’t give it a try. Be positive,I have a feeling she maybe your God given spouse. The chemistry is too strong to deny. All the best.

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