True Life Story: They Said My Mother And Her Children Will Never Enjoy Marriage

Dear Jzhane,

I need your help. I am desperate. They Said My Mother And Her Children Will Never Enjoy Marriage. All my life, I have been suffering. Life has been very unfair for me and my family. Now, I have an opportunity to be happy but it seems that happiness will soon be taken away from me. I truly need your advice. At the age of 14, my father abandoned my mother and 4 children all under the age 14. I am the eldest. The reason he abandoned us was because his family was never in support of his marriage to my mother.

My dad loved my mother and went against his family to marry her. But things got worse after they got married. They struggled to feed and lacked money cos my dad lost his job and his okada business went down after his bike got damaged. He was involved in an accident and his leg was broken. Because we did not have money to treat him in the city, he went to the village to do traditional treatment. My mom was not allowed to follow him cos his family did not allow her to come.

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My dad spent almost nine months in the village, we were never allowed to see him again. From there, my dad relocated to Abuja and he stopped all communications to my mom. I think his family finally convinced him to leave my mother as she was the cause of his problems. My dad got married a year later as we heard from friends. Growing up with a mother who could not raise money to geed four of us with her small Ogi business, we were thrown out of our house and lived on the streets for four months.

Eventually, my mom’s cousin, took us in his house. Nit long after, this man began to abuse me S**ually. My mother knew about it but we could do nothing cos we were afraid of being thrown back into the streets. So from age 16 to age 18, this man was sleeping with me. He made me have three abortions anytime I got pregnant. The 4th abortion almost killed me, I was made to have the child. Uncle wanted to send us away because of his wife will not allow another child outside their marriage but my mom pleaded that she would take care of the child and let people think the child is her.

We hid my pregnancy while my mom pretended to have a pregnant bump. Eventually, when I gave birth, everyone thought the baby was for my mother. A very handsome boy. Uncle rented a one room apartment for us and we left his home cos he was pretending to be furious at my mom for getting pregnant. I worked hard to please this man and help my mom sell Ogi and later on, sell akara. All my siblings, we could not go anywhere but sell akara from morning and evening.

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It was then, gradually, I was able to get a part time admission….I sold okrika clothes too. At weekends, I joined my mom and siblings to sell akara. I was able to finish my OND and got a job as a clerk. I worked hard and finished my HND. I got a job in a factory as a marketer. That is how I met my husband at age 28. He was a manager at the factory. We fell in love and under a year, he wanted to marry me.

Then again, his mother did not agree to our marriage. It was like a curse. I began to cry and wonder what I did to merit this? My mother was rejected by my father’s people…now, this man who wants to marry me, his mother and sister don’t like me. I did everything possible for them to accept me but they refuse. Grudgingly, his people permitted the marriage but things were still tense with them. That made my mother afraid that whatever happened to her might happen to me again. My mother was afraid that my husband may one day leave the marriage.

My mother went to a witch doctor to prepare medicine to ensure my husband will not leave me for another woman. At first, I did not want to agree with it but my mother reminded me of the pain we suffered when our dad left. She reminded me of my son whom the whole world believes its hers…I can never reveal the paternity of my child cos that is unacceptable that I have a child for my uncle. So I succumbed and took the medicine my mom got from the witch doctor.

The medicine was made from a deadly charm. It was made that if my husband have S** with any other woman from me, the woman will die. At least, not my husband but whoever tries to steal my husband. He will be mine forever. We have been married for two years. I have two boys for my husband. Suddenly, our house help started falling sick mysteriously. She was so sick that she almost died, we had to ask her guardian to come and take her.

After a month that her guardian came to take her, the house help brother and sister came to our house to beg me. That they have discovered the cause of their sister’s illness. That the girl was taken to a spiritualist after all medical intervention failed. It was the spiritualist that told them that their daughter stepped on a snake’s neck. And that snake is me. That I am a snake and anyone who tries to sleep with my husband will be sick and die. They said this in front of my husband …and that was how all hell broke loose.

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First, I had to pretend I don’t know what they are talking about. And then I gave angry that this house girl was sleeping with my husband. My husband got up and left the meeting. After much begging, I prayed for them that anything their sister did, I forgive her and they left. Soon as they left, my husband and I started quarreling, he demanded to know if what they said was true, that am I a snake? That he has been experiencing something in his dreams for almost six months (around the time he started sleeping with the maid), that he sees himself making love to a snake.

Me too, I got upset to discover he slept with our maid. I told him I don’t know anything about any snake and have nothing to do with the maid’s sickness so my husband begged me to forgive him. He said maybe the snake is punishing him for cheating on me. I pretended that I agreed with him. But sincerely, this matter is shaking me seriously. I am afraid that maid will die. Apart from sleeping with my husband, she was very nice to me. I went to meet my mother to try and see what we can do…but my mother has refused to do anything. She said its insurance for me not to loose my husband like she did.

I am afraid of what this medicine my mother prepared will do…why cant men just choose not cheat? I imagine the maid was forced like me to sleep with my husband the way I was forced to sleep with my uncle…now she has to die unlike the man who cheated with her. I am seriously regretting my actions but I also fear that if I remove the medicine, my husband will leave me one day. Truly, all men are the same, never satisfied with one woman. Those saying not all men cheat…well, my entire life has been with men cheating…my dad, my uncle and now my husband.

The medicine seems like a fair insurance for me not to loose my husband but its too deadly. Yet again, I remember all the dangers that I went through when my father abandoned my mother….I am afraid that without this insurance, one day my husband may find out that I have a child for my uncle and his mother and sisters who don’t like me will force him to leave me. I am afraid the only happiness I have experience will be gone without this insurance. But if I don’t remove this insurance….the house maid will die. I don’t want to be the cause of her death.

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Please advise me….should I loose my happiness insurance to save this girl’s life? If I remove the insurance, my mother will never forgive me. The insurance is also against all those who have vowed that my mother and her children will never enjoy their marriage. But why is am I struggling with my conscience. Is this insurance worth it? Should I choose to be unhappy and loose everything so another person will be happy and live?

Don’t forget to hide my identity…I don’t want anyone who knows me to link this story to me ….especially my mother and my husband. Please don’t blame me or my mother …if you have not been in our shoes. I just want to do the right thing.

From Anonymous

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