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True Life Story: Valentine Is Coming But My Husband Is Denying Me S3x


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True Life Story: Valentine Is Coming But My Husband Is Denying Me S3x

Hello Lively Stones,

You see that song that says valentine is coming, where is your boyfriend….that song should also sing: where is your husband. My marriage has been a very difficult one. Sometimes I wish I was still single. Cos if I was single, I will enjoy attention especially on lovers day like valentine. Let me explain what happened. While me and my husband were dating, I got pregnant, and we had to get married because my religious parents would disown me if I had an abortion.

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My parents are knights in the church and my boyfriend’s parents are elders in our church too. Both of us even faced disciplinary panel by the church for one year. We were not allowed to sit anywhere in the church except at the back of the church.  My boyfriend and I were still in school. My mom was the one that helped raised our daughter when I gave birth. So, after the marriage, we were both still living in our parents’ homes.

When we finished school, we both went for our youth service. As God would have it, I got a job in my service station after my service year ended. We agreed that I stay in Port Harcourt since its easier to get a job in the city, rather than coming back home. I was also able to get a one room apartment. My husband was not so lucky. He did not have a job even after service. So I was the only one working and sending money home.

Sometimes, my husband would come and stay with me in PH. We then decided that he should start up a business in PH too. With my five months’ salary, we opened a shop where we were selling exotic drinks. My husband was managing it. But soon as the business was about to pick up, the pandemic hit. It affected our business seriously.

Then my husband got a bank job back home in Uyo. He had to leave me in PH. That is how our marriage suddenly turned to long distance marriage. We tried to travel to see each other once or twice a month. One thing that was lacking in our marriage was romance. My husband felt forced to marry me so he stopped showing any form of romance throughout the marriage. Even on valentine day, he cannot even send text or buy me anything. I used to look at other couples and wish I was still single where a guy will still be all over me.

ALSO READ:True Life Story: My Wife Starved Me Of S3x For Two Years Because Of My Condition

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Last year valentine….I slept with a fellow colleague. It just was very wrong of me but I just needed to feel alive  again….someone to make me feel wanted….I am only 26 years old. This colleague is single and since that last year, he has been chasing me. I told him I cannot leave my marriage but every time I reject him, I am reminded by my husband that he does not want me…that we are only married because of our religious parents.

Around July last year, I went to Uyo to see my husband and met another woman in his apartment. We quarreled over this. He told me he does not love me…that since its marriage I want….I have gotten the marriage but that he is not going to be tied down by marriage. that he is still a young man and he can do whatever he likes. that if I don’t want to accept….I should leave or do as I like too.

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Both families got involved…they tried to counsel us …they mostly advised me to endure and be patient as the woman involved. They even told me to return home to my husband so we can be close….so, I left my good paying job and came back to stay with my husband yet nothing changed between us. He hardly sleeps at home and when he does, he will refuse to sleep with me. That is how I have been enduring. Even tried my best not to cheat again cos I felt I was getting punished for cheating first. But now, another valentine is coming. I have men who  want to take me out and have a good time with me. And because I am following the advise of my family, I am turning down all these advances.

Yet, my supposed husband is not even talking to me except is about the baby. Its been months since I had s3x…..I am tired of waiting for my husband to change and love me….I told him yesterday that I want us to spend valentine together. That I miss him and I want him to make love to me….He said no, that he has his own plans…that I should go and find a man that will f*ck me cos he has no plans to have s3x with me ever again.

When I told his sister and mother….they  said I should continue being prayerful….that there is nothing God can not do. I believe God can change a man’s heart but this man we are talking about, has not touched his wife for a year and one month….I don’t think I can keep myself any long. I do not want sin against God anymore by having sleeping with another man but since my husband is the one that said I should go and find someone to f*ck me….can it still be considered wrong?

And if it is so wrong….what am I supposed to do with the s3xual urges that I have been struggling with? Valentine is coming again….the pressure and desire is so strong. My husband is denying me s3x….Please advise me.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Is Valentine meant for making love and having sex? Why all these talk about sex here and there?

    Anyways,you were never married,this is not marriage,you married because you got pregnant,this is the reason why premarital sex is very wrong

    There are things that God will do and there are things that we would do for ourselves . Leave that man,he doesn’t want you,your pregnancy made him marry you. He doesn’t want to suggest divorce,he wants you to get tired and frustrated. You are 26 and you need a man to lubricate your engine.

    Think twice,be wise,don’t allow any man waste your time,don’t allow his family members deceive you by telling you that you are the woman, telling you to be patient and work it out. Just be wise so that your time no go go

    • Hmmmmmm

      Sadly you are going through these at such a young age.

      Firstly you wouldn’t have quit your well paying job, that’s an error
      Reason is… You can’t please or win over a man whom’s heart isn’t on you.

      From the write up and storyline, it seems you initiated the idea of coming together as man and woman or sexmates not him.
      You also erred to have condescent yourself by sleeping with that single bobo at your former place of work.

      It’s crystal clear that the man doesn’t love you and as pwr that, you need to quit or divorce that “boy” you called A man.

      Then pick up your life again by getting something tangible doing either employed or self employed
      Thank God your mom is already assisting you to cater for your daighter.

      It’s valentine… Yes
      But that doesn’t mean you should have sex with every guys at there
      You should access the available suitors asking you out for a date but then you need to know the kind of man you desire so as to avoid “had i know”

      Do this and know peace of mind and good sex

  2. Dear poster, if it’s possible please divorce him and look for a better husband, cos u both only got married cos of the kid, don’t allow him hold u down, he’s not ready to change…I understand u are a woman and have needs but valentine isn’t for sex…when u divorce him, a better man will come your way, then u can have as much sex as u please…peace dear….

  3. Today is the Valentine’s day.

    Well, I believe you didn’t go with any man to have sex because it will be wrong to be legal married and sleeping with other men even if your spouse pushed you.

    I will ask you go back to where it happened. I’m sure he told you he didn’t want the marriage but you insisted and so your both parents.

    Was there love from the beginning? What sparks it up? Has your union stopped him from achieving his dreams or did you push away another woman he loved and made your way into his life?

    If you can trace where it all started and give it little push and seek the help of a counsellor together, it could be helpful.

    If you try all and it doesn’t work, sit him down and tell him it’s best he divorce you. If he doesn’t make any move, you should divorce him and be sure the kid will be taken care of.

    I’m sure he is avoiding baby number two as well.

    Move on after a better arrangement for your child and love again. This time, be careful not to allow a child come in before you say, I do.

    All the best.


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