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True Life Story: Where Did I Go Wrong To Receive Such Abuse In My Marriage?

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True Life Story: Where Did I Go Wrong To Receive Such Abuse In My Marriage?
Good day Lively Stones,
Please I have these issues bothering me and feel if its enough to cause a bother, I should seek help. Its about my husband. He got into a building project that has gotten him into a lot of debts. We presently stay in a house bequeathed to me by my Father (late) , I am so grateful that my Father did that for me and also got me a good job before he departed this world.
I try to see to the maintenance of the building and also encourage him to but after sometime we both agreed we would leave (I understand its not easy for a man to do this and I am sincerely grateful he agreed we live there for these 6 years, at least we don’t bother about house rent  in this expensive rent  city we live) , we agreed to find a land and build a house of our own in our names. It has been a prayer point and I went as far as physically following him to get the present Land now being built.
However, during the documentation, I  discovered he changed the title document to just his name only ,and not to the two of us as we both agreed. When I asked him about this, I got the shock of my life! My Husband told me its his first evidence as a man that provides shelter   for his family so, I should not disturb him.
However, he didn’t stop there and this was when I became hurt: He went about it in an abusive  and arrogant manner with me. He was so defiant and unremorseful about his breaking our agreement and I was psychologically abused over it and even other matters I never knew he resented me about..
He laid all sort of false allegations against me as to why he decided not to include my name. many other events happen that family members had to intervene. I even totally abandoned the Land matter and we had to thrash out other allegations he raised.. I remembered weeping bitterly when the matter was being resolved .and I was told that according to African tradition, I have to apologize whether right or wrong. I knelt down and did .
Two years going, I decided I would keep anything to my chest ,so as not to be having family members gather over our matter again. However, its been ups and downs for my husband. I engaged in several prayers and intercessions for him. God has been helping us but he still think the problems are too many for him, particularly, the debts.
I tried to encourage him but he began to resent my acts ,saying I should do more than I am doing and put funds down to help offset some of the debts he incurred on the building project. I truly don’t know who to turn  to  to help us again. However, he transfers aggression on me with all kinds of insults and to worsen it, he has withdrawn from home upkeep , but I thank God he’s able to pay the children’s school fees in all.
However, I am worried because , recently in one of his sessions of being upset and verbal insulting me, he said I am the source of his woes and I should stop praying for him!  I was  shocked and upset he could say such and I replied I would only be asking God for mercy for him for that and so many wrong insinuations against me.
 I honestly try to avoid responding when he’s verbally insulting me , but this last time, I felt I was being manipulated and bullied so I decided to respond back. He was almost getting physical. But I felt better I spoke. Just worried if he hit me, what would have happen especially with the children witnessing such and family members getting to know..
Honestly, I began thinking of talking to one of my friends in his office if she can help me transfer him out of this city , maybe he needs that breathe. . but presently, I am talking to God about it and waiting for HIS leading if I should do that.
But why I am bothered is that, the children are witnessing these things and they complain of their dad’s anger issue. I try to explain to them that the debts issue is what he’s getting to him , but I know they understand more and can read  in between the lines.. Family prayers have stopped, a lot of things we do together have stopped because he’s always upset about everything.
My husband does not know where and when to stop if he begins insulting me in anger. presently, he calls me selfish wife as I cannot help out with his debts and  sincerely,  I keep wondering how he’s thinking? Does he expect at this point I do bizarre things to get him out of them! I told him I cant and he withdrew from family upkeep.
I have spoken to him about his anger episodes, he promises to change but, here we go again! I am most shocked that he has tied his woes to me. How??? I pray for him, I cover him even when I perceive he  has affairs, . I have taken over home upkeep and he still sees me as a problem in his life!
I truly don’t know what to think, please I just need to let it out here. I would appreciate advise on what to do . Thank you.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

7 COMMENTS

  1. Just keep praying for him,okay.
    To be a man is not easy,keep loving him,care for him, assist him in your own little way. God shall take control,amen.

  2. Please take care of yourself and your children, that is the most important thing. Continue your family altar, even if your husband doesn’t join. As much as possible, do not confront him when he is talking. All those words are out of frustration, and they don’t mean that is who you are. Do your best to support him, but don’t be blackmailed by his words.
    Have proof of your support to him in case it becomes unbearable.
    God answers prayers, and God hears

  3. Dear sis, everything you have written circled around your husband, how to make him happy, how to relieve of dept, how to please him.
    Please when will you start looking out for yourself?
    Are you firewood?
    How are you able to stay sane with this kind of abusive man?

    This is the time to think about yourself and well been. If transferring him will make you happy, this is the time to make that call. Make the call now.

  4. God bless you and restore the joy in your home. Please don’t give up on him God almighty will see you throw I can assure you it will end in praise. To help build your faith and prayer life I will recommend this book for you “where is God in your storm” authored by Kenneth W. Hagin.

  5. Madam you know your husband problem ,pls nd pls if u have fund to assist him in up siting the billing or debt kindly assist , E no easy . nd see your husband bk with life

  6. Aunty when will you take care of yourself, you are suffering just to please a man that doesn’t care about your welfare and is also cheating on top. Those girls he’s sleeping with where did he get the money to give them? He’s incurring debts from his philandering lifestyle and from a building you don’t have right over yet he expects you to help offset his debts abi?oya continue praying for him na, and keep suffering in the name of marriage. Or what advice do you want me to give to a woman in an abusive marriage that doesn’t see she’s in bondage? Ride on.

  7. […] ALSO READ: True Life Story: Where Did I Go Wrong To Receive Such Abuse In My Marriage? […]

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