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True Life Story: Who Is To Blame For The End Of A Toxic Marriage?


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True Life Story: Who Is To Blame For The End Of A Toxic Marriage?


Hi Lively Stones,

This did not happen to me but I know someone it happened to. So, this guy Tonelo (not real name) is like a family friend to my siblings on I. I was told by siblings that the guy was getting married in December. I was happy for the guy cos we all know the guy was a bad guy with women. We even joked that maybe the girl he was going to marry used juju for him cos frankly, he does not come across as the marrying type.

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Only for me to hear from my siblings that the guy got wedding that December, but the marriage crashed on the night of the wedding. So I asked for the gist and this is where I need your advice. What I was told was that Tonelo and his babe, all through their relationship were very toxic in their relationship. Always fighting, breaking up and making up.

ALSO READ: Marriage Has Brought Me Nothing But Shame & Pain- Is This Worth Fighting For?

The gist had it that the babe was as bad as Tonelo….she was cheating as he too was cheating but they loved each other…..somehow…they managed to make up long enough to decide to get married. They said the wedding plan was like war. On the wedding day, Tonelo and the girl were arguing in the reception cos the babe caught Tonelo greeting a lady that the babe said Tonelo has smashed before. The bride was upset that her husband’s side chick showed up at the wedding…the babe started shouting and  Tonelo called her a b*tch and the babe told him that she was just managing him cos he is not man enough like her ex that she f*cked the night before her wedding.

Tonelo could not handle it…from wedding reception, they were already separating them. In-laws were able to convince the babe to apologize which she did….but when they got to the hotel, Tonelo was so mad, he r*ped the babe…tied her down and forcefully had s3x with her…calling her all kinds of names for f*cking a man a day before their wedding. The next day, the babe left Tonelo and file for a divorce.

People are saying there is nothing like a husband r*ping the wife ….that the man was just angry and was doing BDSM…..that the babe is overreaching…is she really overreacting?  We were all debating the matter….who is to blame here: Tonelo or the babe? I said the babe cos she already knows who Tonelo is yet she agreed and actually went ahead to marry him…did she expect he would change overnight for her?

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READ ALSO: I decided to quit the toxic marriage, Lady shared her before and after picture

And as for the babe….how do you want to marry someone and still be f*cking other men the night before your wedding? But my siblings said….that Tonelo is to blame…that the babe loves him so much hence she has stuck with him with all his flaws…. that she was doing all that cheating to make Tonelo feel jealous and change….that it was dangerous love but the main person to blame is Tonelo.

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Some say both of them are to blame….that they fit each other. That they need counselling….can counselling solve this kind of problem? And…my siblings and I are still arguing the matter….who is to blame in your own opinion?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Both of them are to be blamed,they weren’t ready for marriage and they went ahead to have a wedding,who does that?

    They need serious marriage counselling before they can do anything called wedding.

    They need to separate and work on themselves first,when they are ready,then they can now go for marriage counselling…..

    Marriage is not for the weak,the more you look the less you see,I rest my case….. I move

  2. Anything built on lies would not stand even if it last it is only for a moment ,a woman’s past would tell u what u hope to expect from a future with her ,and a promiscuous man would not change over night just because he is married , sometimes if u can’t solve it while single Don’t say Abba to marriage because it might not help.

    both of them are to be blame ,the girlfriend is not sincere to herself ,infact she doesn’t love tonelo she was using him to pass time .watch what a lady says to u when she is angry because that is when she might reveal deep truth about u , because at that momy it is not the mouth that is speaking but her heart ,she made it crystal clear that she was managing him , Don’t think the world was just strange it was from her heart ,when a woman’s choice of a man isn’t coming forth she might go for what is available ,many women often know the man they truly love but if that man isn’t coming true with a desire to marry them ,sooner or later they might go for plan B ,and in this case tonelo is plan B .

    u can judge the effectiveness of something through past record ,the constant breakup is already a sign their relationship was not going anywhere ,it already shows they were not compatible

    that’s explains why even though she wanted to marry tonelo the available man ,she was ready to give her ex a good bye sex ,and she is certainly not ashamed of it for u to know it was not a mistake.

    and for tonelo he has to change his way just because u are a Playboy does not mean u would be a good husband,he has to mature there are times u have to level up and stop some kind of shit .if a woman tries dating a man who is beating her ,dating other women ,giving her multiple issues ,she should be aware that the day she said I do that day she has accepted that man with all his flaws ,women need to understand that they can’t change anyman if he was beating u doing courtship get ready to enter the wrestling ring with him during marriage, courtship gives women the opportunity to vent their man properly because if u are in it , people at best would only confort u ,if u fail to properly vent ur man then be able to accept him with all his flaws.

    the marriage was already flawed from inception both of them are not sincere to each other

    And yes a man can rape his wife especially if she doesn’t want sex at the moment and the man is still forcing it in her sometimes it is isn’t sex ,she wants good words , sometimes she wants u to appreciate her ,other times she wants t
    u caress her ,other times just wrap ur hands around her ,she can’t be discussing her issuie and u are talking about sex ,thats a man who is selfish and inconsiderate if u understand ur wife nature u can put her in any mood u want without asking
    sex is love making not love forcing .

  3. Marriage is sacred. Marriage is an institution you study, prepare for and keep learning in it.

    Both aren’t ready and have blame for what happened.

    The fight and the rape on the wedding day is a result of a bad relationship built overtime.

    If they care about each other, then their ego and selfishness must go.

    They need a counsellor and if they are ready to settle down together as a couple, they would be informed.


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