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True Life Story: Why I Am Thinking Of Separation After Two Years Of Marriage

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True Life Story: Why I Am Thinking Of Separation After Two Years Of Marriage

Hi Lively Stones,

Please share my story.  I am a new mom, I just gave birth to my second child three weeks ago, I think I am going through past partum depression because of my husband’s lack of care and understanding. This is making me feel very bad and I think I might be thinking of a separation.

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You see, my husband and I are young, he is 29 and I am 26. We got married two years ago. We are both doing well in our careers and when we met, the chemistry was instant. As young people, we do not play with our intimacy. I can say its one of the things that made us bind very well.

We are both creative people and that includes s3x. We both love s3x, it has really helped our relationship. At first, we hardly had misunderstanding in the marriage and whenever we do, we use s3x to reconcile. The make up s3x is something else. My husband used to boast that no girl can tempt him cos his wife is a pro. I held my husband down with my p**sy, its no caps.

So it was no surprise that I got pregnant immediately after marriage. We were s3xually active all none months of the pregnancy. I know my husband enjoyed it. The excitement, the fun and everything. However, after I had my first baby, not up to five months, I got pregnant again. We thought it was a joke but reality hit when we could cot manage a baby with another pregnancy.

My zeal for s3x began to wane. Not because I did not want it, but I was always tired. I was pregnant…always running out of breathe…and then, I have a five month old. I expected my husband to understand but he still wanted his s3x everyday. He still wanted the rough and exciting type of s3x. He likes to choke and bite (hickey) during s3x….but I was always exhausted. However, I tried my best which for him was not good enough.

Hubby was always grumpy. He even accused me of not being on birth control and getting pregnant with the second baby. To him, I was not thinking about his s3xual needs when I did not go on birth control. Well, I was told that breast feeding was a form of birth control and I was taking morning after pill after each s3x. Whey he was being insensitive and blaming me, I could not understand…after all, it takes 2 to make a baby.

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These little arguments around him not getting enough s3x continued until I gave birth to our second child. Barely four weeks after I gave birth…hubby was already disturbing me for s3x. Yes, my first pregnancy, we started having s3x after 2 weeks but this time, its different, I was not in the mood. I was tired and in pain. I tried to explain to hubby…instead of him to understand, he became grumpy each time.

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This man said I should stop pretending, that I know his love language is s3x and rough choking s3x…so he cannot understand why I am denying him. I had to get a house help cos I was not able to handle both children and my husband demands. Can you imagine that because I refused him s3x after four weeks of giving birth, my husband started messing around with my maid? I caught him red handed.

It happened when he tried to touch me, and I told him I was tired. I was fast asleep, I had just managed to put the babies to bed. So I quickly tried to get some sleep. I woke up a few hours later and husband was not around me. I quietly went out of the room and caught him in the maid’s room…he was slapping her…forcefully ripping her clothes…he was calling her my name…I understood what he was doing…

To him, he wanted the maid to pretend to be me while he f*cked the way he used to f*ck me. I broke down and screamed. That brought him back to his senses for a moment. I sent the maid away. The maid said my husband begged her to do it for me, that I am not feeling well, so he gave her 5k to help me do my ”wifely duties’. The next day, I carried my two children to my mom’s place. I have never been the same since. All I do is cry. My mom asked me what happened, I could not tell her until few days ago..

My mom was mad and called my husband and abused him. He told my mom that it was my fault, that I drove him to have s3x with the maid by rejecting him. He told my mom that is the way God made him. He cannot go a day without s3x and that I am aware of that even before we got married. And if children will make me not satisfy him, he does not want anymore children cos he does not want to cheat. My husband asked my mom to take children and let me return in a week’s time otherwise, he is not sure of remaining faithful without s3x for days.

That statement to my mom was very disrespectful to to say that to my mom but he later apologized but said he is just saying his mind. He said he is serious, that he does not mind sending the children to my mom or his mom so we both can be alone and do whatever he likes. That he is even ready to do mastectomy to stop having children. You see how serious he is or is he joking?

This is the reason for my depression and thinking of separation or maybe even a divorce. My eyes are beginning to open. What I thought was fun s3x cos we were young was the fact that my husband is actually a s3x addict. Yes, he used to do all kinds of things he watched in porn with me. He even made me watch porn with him. I thought it was ok…we were just enjoying our lives. But I just realized that if you take away s3x from the marriage…there is nothing else keeping us.

That is why I am facing depression and I need advise. I do not think this man is being fair or reasonable. He is just waiting for me to come back and he continues s3x. Some may ask, at least, if he gets me back, he will no longer cheat but right now, I am hurt, from having two babies in 2 years. From constant rough s3x….choking, slapping, blind folding, tying me up and all kinds of erotic stuff.

When I asked him if he loves me at all or just wants s3x…he says s3x and love are the same, that its only because he loves me that he wants s3x with me. When I told him I am depressed, He said I should stop over reacting or acting childish…he said s3x is the cure fir depression…you see how he belittles this matter that is serious to me? Is a woman’s worth to a man all about s3x?

When his friend called me to ask why I left the house, after telling him, his advise was: just try and put yourself together before another woman takes over your home. Yes, that is the kind of friend he has. The guy had the effrontery to tell me that I should know that I married a bull…meaning he does not get tired. This used to be a nick name for hubby but right now, its very irritating…I am a human being…not an object.

What I want is my man to hold me and tell me all is well without his dick getting hard. I just want to be cuddled. Is that too much to ask? Is that not what normal couples do? So, if my husband cares about is s3x…why should I go back to the marriage? I feel so bad because divorce was the last thing on my mind…we are just 2 years married….so why wis all these happening to me now?

My mom says I should be patient but this man is not willing to be patient, even now that I am at my mom’s place, maybe he is with another woman (just like his friend said)….cos to him s3x is food. Am I being unreasonable? I feel so sad and hurt …I need your advise.

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Chai,this is so touching. Sorry for all you are going through at the moment.

    You have to stay strong for yourself and children. You need to engage in family planning oooo,please don’t divorce him,it is just too early for that biko.

    Put yourself together and go back home,please.

    You can get a male house assistant,maybe a relative who can be assisting you .

    Sorry my dear,don’t be depressed oooo,it is not healthy for you. Your husband is not just helping matters,some men are different sha.

    Sorry love,please go back home. It is well. Don’t allow another woman take over ooooo,some men can be like that.

  2. This is a very complicated case as I see a woman who overlook all the danger signals from her boyfriend ND still choose to ignore it ,I wouldn’t advice that u leave ur marriage because the truth is it would be easier for ur husband to move on than u ,that is u have more to lose by leaving the marriage ,the relative u are staying with would soon get tired of u ,it is not the joy of any mother for her daughter to go into her husband house and still return back ,not good ,I have said it if ur husband to be as a character flaws ,it would be better u guys address it before u say I do if he can’t change then ,he might never change when u marry ,so the best time u have to discipline ur man is when u are courting , because once u say I do ,u are already testifying to the whole world that u see ur man’s flaws and u decide to marry him ,it is like knowing fully well ur husband likes u preparing pounded yam in the midnight now u want him to understand with u ,how do u want him to understand ,u never can tell if that was the reason he married u ,madam u have to endure what u are already into ,he would probably get another woman who would do same thing and little complain ,but what happens to you, huh ? U are risking ur family not staying with him ,I say the truth , everybody might tell u to leave ur husband ,but they too understand the flaws of the man they are married too but they are enduring it ,just pray to God and actually there are supplement that kill men sexual hormones ,but u would soon be the one to complain latter on if I say them ,that he is not having sex with you ,so madam endure ,what u are complaining about is what another woman desire but can’t find ,no man is perfect no matter how u see it .

  3. You have a very unreasonable and selfish man. That’s not husband material.

    Well you did say sex is what bind you both together, seems like you forgot to pay attention to what’s important in the beginning, but it’s not too late.
    You can’t just go back to him and continue like he didn’t do anything wrong, he needs help and you can try and help him see that marriage is not all about sex, and that he married a human being that should be cared for not a sex toy.

    He needs to work on himself otherwise you can’t cope he doesn’t seem to care about you as a person, what happens if you are sick or something and you can’t meet up with his needs in the future? you are human you can’t let your life revolve around his sex drive. Please help him understand that he needs work on himself or leave. This is not healthy.

  4. In my own opinion I dnt think u should go back as far as ur husband is not ready to change .expect u can continue or tolerate ur husband sexual brutality have u ever think about ur health by doing all that? remember u are still young nah that’s why u can handle all his styles…. but what happened when age start catching up with u can u still comprehend think about it..I think by then he we be flirting around or bring them to ur matrimonial home and u know what that means …Nne let me tell u the truth sex is not love okay some men can sleep with u and they never love u if ur husband loves u he we not be demanding for sex in that manner,that’s he own selfish interest it is well ……..Nne

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