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True Life Story: Will My Sister Approve My Relationship With Her Ex Husband?

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True Life Story: Will My Sister Approve My Relationship With Her Ex Husband?

Dear Lively Stones,

One woman’s meat is another woman’s poison. At the risk of receiving abuse here, I still want to share my story because I need some advise. I am 26 years old, graduate with a good job. I lived with my elder sister while I was schooling. While I lived with them, their marriage was having alot of issues. Somehow, I got involved with the husband. It was not intentionally but the man likes me alot and we seemed to get along very well. We are like soul mates. He trusts me more than his wife then. One thing led to another and we occasionally had s3x. I regret that but in my head, I had a serious crush for him.

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Eventually, their marriage packed up. They did not have a child. The wife, my sister cheated and got pregnant so they went their separate ways after 8 years of marriage.  I also went abroad for my masters which I completed and returned last year. While I was abroad, I stayed in touch with my sister’s ex husband and he was in a relationship with another woman. However, when I returned, we resumed our relationship although it was kept a secret.

I noticed something changed about him, he seemed more calm. He was worried that he could not get any woman pregnant because after my sister left, the woman he has been dating, for almost 3 years, did not get pregnant. He has been treating low sperm count condition for many years. That was the major problem he had when he was married with my sister. But he also was not a good husband then. My sister too, she was always shouting at him, calling him spineless man, etc.

ALSO READ: I Am Overwhelmed With Guilt & Lust Over My Sister’s Husband-Pls Help

My sister is married with a baby now. She is happy in her new marriage. One of the things her ex told me was that he suspects that he is is cursed because his mother married his father when she was a side chic. That the father’s former wife, cursed the mother, that her children will never have peace in their marriage. So, he kind of has accepted his fate that he may never be able to father any children and any woman who cannot accept it, he will never marry again.

Despite the issue of low sperm count, despite all the many medications that he is on, he never failed to perform in bed. He satisfies me very well in bed. He is a good person, his condition just makes him insecure….I am the only one who really does not mind his condition….am I crazy to think that? I believe in miracles too…if God allows it, he can have his own biological child one day against all odds.

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So its sad that he cannot produce sperm strong enough to fertilize an egg to make a baby but we get along so well and we can gist for hours. I love him, we are very happy together… and our relationship is very strong but still a secret because of my sister. It has come to a stage where we feel that we can no longer hide our relationship again.

We want to get married. I do not mind not having children. I mean, I can adopt children which my sister (by the way, she is my half sister, same father but different mother and our dad is late) never wanted. Any of his brothers or father can donate the sperm if we try IVF. He told me that if I agree, he can ask them to help with their sperm or we use a sperm donor that we do not know. I am happy with that. The problem is, my sister will not be happy with me. They have been divorced for four years now, is it too bad if her ex husband moves on with her sister?

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We both do not really mind what others will say because life goes on, the only thing is, my sister trained me, I feel like she should get the respect of being told, she does not have to find out from outsiders but then, how do I face her to tell her? My guy says he does not owe her any explanation because she was the one who ended their marriage by cheating.

Well, he may not see the need to explain to my sister but I want to try…maybe she might even not care because she is aware that me and her ex were always friends…although she never knew we were f*cking. And she does not need to ever know. I just want her to be happy for me. Maybe this was destined to be…maybe God made her leave the marriage for me…the attraction has always been there even while they were together….I cannot explain it but I pray she holds no ill feelings towards me …Should I tell her or let her just find out for herself?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

7 COMMENTS

  1. I like your post for one thing: Your openness and intelligence !
    Despite all flaws and reasons why you should not or may not be involved with this man, you still want to marry him because you think he’s your soul-mate.

    You are adult. You can take responsibility for your actions. I wish you can re-read your post again.

    In my opinion; Inform your mother and if she agreed to your wishes, because I think she knows the best way to approach your sister without grievance towards you and your man.

    It’s good to honor your sister than for her to find out….

    Peace #

  2. My dear ,you do not have conscience oooo,the way you sounded in this story just shows that you are not remorseful at all.

    To marry dey hungry you abi ,love is blind but marriage will open your eyes ooo. You want to marry a man that was once your sister’s husband. Huh!

    Thread with caution oooo,that is all I have to say.

    Anything we say here to you,it is what you want that you will do .

    Leave your sister’s ex alone and find another man,you are 26 and not 46. You want to start a family war that will never end, remember you said she is your half sister from the same father,huh. I rest my case on this

  3. Dear poster, love is blind indeed.

    I personally can not date my friend’s ex girlfriend or my brother’s ex girlfriend talk more of his ex wife. Though, we are different humans with different perspectives and I respect people’s decision.

    Hear me poster, you said your sister trained you, you stayed with her, then she’s more than a sister to you. She’s like a mother to you.

    You have every reason to follow your mind but the consequences will over weigh the love you are felling and enjoying presently and that will torment you in future.

    Two things are involved here, is either you love him because he’s good in bed or his wealth. If not what other thing do you like the most about the relationship that you are so much attached to?

    Hear me ma’am, please do not betray your sister that trained you. It is possible that you guys have been having affairs right under the nose of your sister before the marriage ended. Even if it is not, that’s what your sister and other people will think of.

    Please think twice, no marriage is perfect but yours already have red flags. Move on. He’s not the right person for you. Sorry to say that but that’s the truth!

    I wish you well as you make the best decision.

    Thanks.

  4. This is wickedness. At 26 you have such a mindset?
    Will you forgive if it was you? Learn to put yourself in people’s shoes.

    This is why when people complain about their marriage first question I want to ask them is, how did you meet your partner? Some of you do the most mean and ridiculous things just to get married and then complain when karma comes for hunting for you.

    I feel very sorry for your sister, she took you as more but you took her as less. She trained you but you described her as a half sister from your father’s side who is no longer alive; a way to say she is not a big deal. But if she felt that way she wouldn’t have helped you in any way.

    Anyway I am not a judge, you will still do what works for you, I just feel bad for your sister because I will never be able to forgive this level of betrayal.

  5. Abi there are no men in naija again or what? All these while did you make an effort to meet new people? Why are you convinced that he’s your soul mate? Someone who won’t be able to father a child with you. I mean, he said he’s cursed. Why must he be the one? Go through procedures to conceive. You betray your sister. Someone who took you as a sister,while she was training she was not your half sister,now because you need to justify your actions,you have remembered she’s your half sibling. Things are really happening out here. I rest my case.

  6. You are just an irresponsible greedy lady. How do you people live with sleeping with other people’s husbands.

    Tomorrow, you will be screaming women supporting women, feminism, women are suffering in marriages but sleeping with womens husbands.

    Humans shaa, you were sleeping with her husband why she was still with him so why do you need her opinion now that she is not with him, did you ask for her opinion when you were sleeping with her husband, so why now.

    I wish you well.

    ✌️

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