True Life Story: Will My Unborn Child Bring Bad Luck If We Are Not Allowed To Marry?
Hi Lively Stones,
I want to remain anonymous. I need advise because I am at a cross road. I got married in 2020 to someone I dated for just seven months. Before I dated my husband, I was in a relationship with someone for three years. This man was the love of my life. We were in the same church and he is a philanthropist. This man is a business man and he has a kid from a lady that got pregnant for him.
When we started dating, my parents were against the relationship because he is has a baby mama with a kid and also because he is not a graduate. Ken, lets call him Ken was a self made man. He went into business when he dropped out of school and became successful business man. We loved each other alot but my parents felt I was being overshadowed by his wealth and that, as a virgin, I deserve to marry someone without a child and someone that is a graduate as I am a graduate.
For two years, Ken tried to convince my parents to allow him marry me but they refused. He got frustrated and broke up with me. I was so sad….we did not speak for three months. Then, my husband, David started coming for me. I did not really like David cos he was very different from Ken…he was a little too proud for my liking, we disagreed a lot but he kept telling me he loves me and he will change.
While I was dating David, I noticed Ken had stopped coming to church. When I tried to find out why, I was told he got someone pregnant in church and he has stopped coming to church. I found out the person he got pregnant was someone in choir with me, she pretended to be friendly but did not know she had eyes for Ken. Soon as she saw I was out of the way, she went after him….and got pregnant thinking he would marry her but Ken has said if its not me, he is not getting married.
Ken getting another woman pregnant pissed me off more…but you cant blame him…single guy with a lot of money. But in my anger, I married David…in my heart…I knew I was marrying a man I did not love but I needed David to help me revenge Ken and move on from him. My parents too were like, Ken is a serial baby daddy…having children here and there.
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After marriage, David got a job in Abuja and we had to relocate. I got pregnant but lost the baby. That made me very sad. David, my husband did not understand me….he started acting strangely….we did not seem to like each other anymore….he constantly found faults with everything I did, he began to insult me at every given opportunity. I would cry and cry. I regretted ever marrying David. I also saw that David was cheating with one of his colleagues.
I reported David to our pastors and parents. They talked to him but he got angry that I reported him and he started avoiding me totally in the marriage. He refused to sleep with me or talk to me or eat my food. I had to ask him one day that why did he marry me when he knew he did not want me? David said, he thought I would be a good wife cos I was a good girl, a virgin but he has seen that I am a spoiled brat who does not respect her husband.
What my husband means is, when he is insulting me, I should not talk back. He wants to eat fresh food everyday so he wants me to cook everyday and I was not raised that way. My mom cooks in bulk and heat up food in my house…no, my husband wants fresh food everyday. And he wants s3x only when he is in the mood….when I am in the mood, he will ignore me. I tried to talk to him about how he treats me but he says I am rude and spoilt. That wives should be seen and not heard. That my job is to cook for him, give him s3x when he wants and have his children.
My husband feels like love is by providing for the family and not showing love to his wife by being caring or emotionally supportive. I got tired of everything, I then told him I wanted to travel to see my parents. I came back to Lagos to rest and think about my marriage. It was one of those days I was at home, I started thinking that I still love Ken. Ken has made me have high expectations for marriage and I cannot accept the maltreatment my husband was dishing me.
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Ken and I met up one of the days I was in Lagos. It was very emotional. He was crying and I was crying. We missed each other so much. Ken kissed me and my eyes opened. I knew I had to divorce David and marry Ken. Ken and I just do not want to be with anyone else. I have told my parents of my intention to divorce David. I have refused to go back to Abuja….my parents are still against Ken and have said they will wash their hands off me if I go against their wish.
My parents asked me to leave their house and return to my husband’s house. I could not. I went to Ken’s place and I have been living with him since. I have filed for a divorce too. But my husband is against the divorce. He is fighting it in court, saying he loves me and that he wants the court to give us 3 years to work things out. I refused…I don’t want to marry again. My parents are very upset. And now, I just found out that I am pregnant for Ken.
Ken was so happy when I told him I was pregnant. Because he thought this will make my parents accept our relationship but my parents stood their ground. Ken was so sad, he then said, that we should abort the child since I am still married to another man. He says it will be an abomination for me to have a child for another man while still married. Ken says their culture says such a child will bring bad luck. I am refusing to abort the child so Ken says he wants to pay my bride price to my parents at least, to make his intentions known, that he intends to marry me as soon as possible.
May parents are still stubborn and saying no. That I can have the child but no marriage to Ken will be approved until I legally divorce David. Ken is very frantic…he feels if we have this child while I am still married….there will be bad luck for us in future. Does anyone believe that? Ken is pressuring my father’s people to take a bride price…they have agreed but that would mean, we are going behind my father’s back.
I am just confused…should we do this behind my father’s back or should we wait until my parents agree…which will be after I am legally divorced….what if David does not cooperate, might be in three years. Ken says we must marry before I give birth. I am under a lot of pressure and I do not know what to do. Please advise me.
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This is tough my dear. Please abort the baby,go back to your parents house till you have finalized the divorce with your ex husband.
You can’t be pregnant for Ken and still be married to your ex,that’s an abomination. Divorce properly with your ex husband before thinking of marrying Ken,don’t complicate issues for yourself.
You can still be seeing Ken from your parents house,do things the right way,you knew you weren’t in love with David and you went ahead to marry him just to get back to Ken because he impregnated a choir member. Do the right thing please e get why,this is to avoid future consequences.
May the Lord give you the wisdom to scale through all of these,amen…
You need to speak to yout parents of how the situation is putting pressure on you.
You will not have a baby for another man while still married. Bible calls it adultery and it is not right to bring such a child into the world with such history.
Kindly seek yout parents concert and keep pushing for divorce as soon as possible.
Ask Ken to get a place for you since your parents don’t want you or you insist and stay with them.
Leave Ken’s house for now.
I will advice you pray through this because it’s really tough and I know it’s confusing too.
Keep praying for your parents to accept Ken. Ensure you secured your future and that of uout kids if you finally marry Ken, that’s the fear of your parents too. Make sure there won’t be issues at last over his inheritance and the place of his kids in his life.
All the best.