Hello lively stones,
Please hide my ID. I’ll need counsel from your platform. I’m a foreigner, resident in Nigeria. Please bear with me, it’s a long read.
In 2012, I got into a relationship with a lady. In the course of the relationship, she took in for me. I met with her parents, and we did introduction. In the course of the pregnancy, her attitude changed – she began to nag a lot. I was made to understand it’s pregnancy hormones. I decided to stay calm and endure.
After delivery, that’s 2014, the nagging still continued. In fact, it got worse. There was always this mode swing – at one time she’s happy, at other times, everything around her pisses her off. In times like this, she will be very angry, disrespectful, abusive and sometimes even violent. She acknowledged to being under spiritual attack and she do visit different Pastors for deliverance. Well, sadly, it didn’t really help. We kept trusting God all will be fine.
Six months after our second child, that’s 2016, we separated. I rented a house for her and the children and provided monthly upkeep, paid the children’s fees and also handled medical bills.
With this disappointment, I took a break dating. In 2018, I met my wife. She’s beautiful, smart and very humble. She is very open and speaks her mind, no pretense. All these made me fall in love with her. I opened up to her about my past, and more importantly, details about my children.
In 2019, we started dating seriously. The experience was lovely. We had discussed plans to settle down 2020/2021. I was convinced she’s right for me. The only thoughts I had lingering in my mind was my children and how they will fit into the marriage. Will she accept them as her own if a day like that comes. We had attempted to bring in my children to spend vacation with her in 2019, it failed. Their mum refused to release them.
In May 2020, she got pregnant for me. Strangely, I had this look warm attitude. It got her angry. She said, if she’s to keep the pregnancy, I must meet with her parents, if not for introduction, at least to put them on the know that I’m with their daughter. I told her no issues, let me inform my family about us and my plans to see her people. This got her more upset. She resolved to abort the baby, something I didn’t agree to. All efforts to stop her failed. This led to our breakup.
Subsequent days became so miserable for me. It was tough to live with this new development. I didn’t relent, I kept apologizing and pleading we reconcile. In the mix of this break-up, my children’s mother was pressuring me to come take custody of the children. I got more worried and confused. I’m in a foreign land, no close family, how do I handle this.
I reached out to my ex girlfriend. I informed her of this development. This was the only person my heart was open to talk to. She offered to help me accommodate them, pending when I relocate them to my country. All this was happening during the COVID. That said, I travelled and picked up the children, and took them to her place. In the course of a month, I was amazed at the results. The children were looking healthier and happy. They really liked her. In the process, we reconciled.
In 2021, we got married. She and the children moved to my place. Now, it’s been 11 months and she has not been able to conceive. Every month, I have been under heat – she reminds me from time to time of the pregnancy she aborted. It’s causing a lot of issues in the marriage.
Occasionally, out of annoyance, she will transfer aggression on the children. In correcting the children, sometimes she will overreact, and in anger. If I interfere, she will say things like the children matter to me most. That I love them, not her, and I married her because of them. This talk doesn’t usually go down well with me because I know from my heart I love her. As a result, even when I express this love, it’s overlooked by her.
Now, my wife is fed up with all these and wants to move on. She’s holding unto the fact that she’s not comfortable in the way I handle things between her and the children. The most recent incidence that prompted for all these was when she was brushing our son. The boy sneeze in the process and catarrh dropped on her dress. She got really angry and started beating the boy.
To her, she’s living her life for me and my children, no hope for her getting pregnant. I still love my wife very much. I had earlier suggested a house help takes up responsibility for the children so she can relax. Well, she is not open to it. However, she complains from time to time that the children are stressing her and make her talk a lot.
We had planned to go see a genuine man of God in a different city this February. Well, it didn’t worked out because I am cash trapped.
Now, she’s adamant to exercise patience. Am I missing out on something? What am I not doing right? Could there be something she’s not telling me? What will you suggest I do?
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