HomeAdviceTrue Story: How My Boyfriend's Buddy Broke The Bro-Code For Me

True Story: How My Boyfriend’s Buddy Broke The Bro-Code For Me


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True Story: How My Boyfriend’s Buddy Broke The Bro-Code For Me

Hello Lively Stones,

Please keep me anonymous. Two friends are in love with me. I am also in love with one of them more sha but that one broke my heart. The other one broke the bro-code, to save me from his friend ,so, should I go for the second one instead? Here is my story.

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I met this guy last year around September. Lets call him Dare (not real name). He told me he was looking for a relationship that would potentially lead to marriage. That was music to my ears because, at 28 years old, I do not want to be in a relationship with no goal in sight.

This relationship has been the best ever since I have been dating in my adult life. Dare is a perfect gentleman, he makes me laugh, my mother loves him like her son, my only other sibling also adores him. He is very respectful too. We could talk for hours when we are on the phone and once its weekend, he either comes over to my place or me to his place.

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Timi is Dare’s friend and we hang out alot with him at the club or just chilling at home. Timi and I are very cool cos he is my boyfriend’s very close friend. Timi used to even tease Dare to hurry and marry me before he snatches me away from him. We were all cool friends all the same.

And then something happened in December. Timi had come over to Dare’s place after we all hung out together at the club. Dare was flat out drunk…me and Timi had to help him on is feet home. Soon as we got home, Dare went into deep sleep. I went and took a shower. As I got out of the shower, I noticed my phone was buzzing with calls. I wondered who was calling me at that late hour.

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When I picked up the phone, it was Timi. He was in the guest room, so I called him back wondering what he wanted from me. Timi answered the phone, said he wanted to ask if Dare was fine, I said yes…he is fine..he then asked me to come and get Dare’s token which fell out of his pocket when we were helping him up. I said ok.

I was expecting Timi to come out to the living room but he didnt. So, I went to the guest room, I knocked and he asked me to get in. Timi gave me the token but asked me to sit a while, that he wanted to tell me something. He started by saying sorry if he went out of line but he likes me alot and that he is sure he is in love with me, that is why he cannot keep quiet anymore.

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What he was saying was sounding very strange to me…like what do you mean by you love me? Timi said he realized that I was a very good person, who treats his friend very well but his friend has not been treating me well. He said, he told his friend to tell me the truth but Dare refused. What truth? He said: Dare is married. His wife lives in the UK with their sons, 2 boys.

Timi showed me facebook and IG pictures and videos of Dare and his wife and their children. I just kept saying, oh no…oh no…this cant be…why…how…To me, what is this tipsy guy trying to tell me. But he told me that he wanted me to know, that I can confront Dare when he is awake. I said ok, even though I could not process what rubbish I just heard from my boyfriend’s boyfriend…but as I got up to go, he repeated this: Tolu, I am also hopelessly in love with you and I want to treat you better than my friend is treating you.

This made me turn towards the door quickly. I told him no…I have to get out of your room and I did. I went straight to Dare’s room and locked the door. I could barely sleep. Dare woke up in the morning and I was ready to ask him what his friend told me. I told him, Dare….your friend Timi says you are married with family in UK. The way he looked at me, the shock in his eyes…he was like its a lie.

I showed Dare the facebook and IG page of his wife where she posts pictures of them. Dare tried to lie by saying its his sister and her children but there were many places where he was kissing the woman he could not explain. How do you even date someone, spend alot of time with them yet you have a wife and children in UK?

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That was how we broke up. Dare kept apologizing, saying it does not matter if he is married or not because he is in love with me and will marry me in 2022 as his Nigerian wife. I was not interested in that offer, so I pulled the plug on the relationship. I was heartbroken. Imagine finding out that the guys you have been vibing with for the last 4 months is married?!!!

Everyone that knew us together felt so disappointed by Dare. And I had the worst Christmas because the break up happened in December. Timi however never stop shooting his shots at me. He told me Dare was no longer speaking to him cos he was the one who revealed his secret to me.

To be honest, even though  broke up with Dare, I miss him everyday. I was still hurting. I hung out with Timi and maybe it was the pain I was feeling, I slept with Timi in the new year. But I refused to date him. Two week later, Dare came to my place, saying he wanted to apologize and find closure.  I  could not fight him off…I still have feelings for him. And he too cannot help himself. We made love.

That made me feel so terrible….I cannot control myself around Dara knowing he is a married man. I wanted to hurt him, so I told him to never contact me again . But if I am being honest, I have never stopped thinking of Dare. Its like its eating me up thinking of him…missing him.

I need advise because I am getting weaker in my feelings for Dare. I hate myself for falling in love with a married man. I need to cut off from him, his hold over me. As valentine is drawing close, I am feeling so alone, having lost the love of my life. I have no guy in my life and  I do not want to keep feeling this way

Some of my girlfriends are advising that I should focus my attention on Timi who is still begging me to give him a chance? But some others feel Timi cannot be trusted because he broke the bro-code with his best friend. I know being with Timi will hurt Dare so much …which is why I am beginning to ask: why is Timi so obsessed with me? Why did he expose his friend’s marriage to me…I almost resent Timi for exposing Dare. Ignorance is bliss…maybe he is jealous of Dare and would like to take away someone that he cares about from him.

I am confused now…do you think Timi truly loves me for me or he just wants to make his former friend mad? Will it be wrong if I date Timi?  if I am with Timi, maybe then can stop me from thinking of  Dare…please advise me.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. So with all that you know about Dare…. Do you want to be second wife or do just want to hold on to the idea of being a relationship with Dare
    Is it bad that Timi told you the truth? So you would have preferred to live in a lie?
    I think you need to have some truth talk with yourself and determine what you really want. You don’t have to date Timi either… but if you like him, why don’t you give him a chance? But will you be faithful to Timi?

  2. My advice would be please leave both of them and be alone for a while. Timi does not love you it is probably because of the comments of Dare he is after you. Some time down the line the relationship with him will not work well. Especially after some years the image of you and Dare will keep affecting him and he will leave you when you least expect. Leave them start afresh a new thing l beg,biko

  3. Dear poster please try to take a break, it’s best you forget both guys, dare was wrong for leading you on base on deceit,…timi broke the bro-code(I don’t think he can be trusted among his male friends), timi is envious that’s why he’s doing everything to get at dare…..you shouldn’t have slept with timi, I will advise you forget both friends, cos if you decide to move on with timi, he may later dump you…peace dear…

  4. U seem to be more offended at timi than dare.Timi told u the truth and u are saying he broke the bro code while the Dare that kept that huge secrets from u ,u seem to be understanding with him.
    It seems u like to live in lies.

  5. U seem to be more offended at timi than dare.Timi told u the truth and u are saying he broke the bro code while the Dare that kept that huge secrets from u ,u seem to be understanding with him.
    It seems u like to live in lies.

  6. Dear poster, my two cents is this; you obviously prefer someone who is deceitful, selfish, a liar and a cheat to the truth. If he is cheating on his wife with you, what assurance do you have that he won’t cheat on you too? Think!!!! Consider his tow innocent sons!!! Consider the feelings of a fellow woman like yourself! If you’re heartbroken bra side you found out he’s married, how would the wife react to finding out her husband has a side chick?
    I believe you have a good heart, please use it. Let this selfish man go. He wants to have his cake and eat it. If he truly loved you, he’d have told you the truth before anything started. He’s a betrayer to his wife and children and you as well.
    You’ll heal in due time and you’ll find someone that is ALL yours.
    You may not like Timi yet but he’s the one who was honest with you. Don’t kill the messenger, please.
    It is well

  7. Please leave them alone and face your front biko. Do better things with your time,as valentine dey approach so,if you no get Val,abeg be your Val you hear. Stop seeing them,they just want to use you for nothing.


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