True Story: My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me Because I Didn’t Propose On Valentine’s Day
Hi Lively Stones,
I need your readers objective advice on this. I want to know if I am being objective or paranoid. I met Vera (not real name) and we have been dating since 2019. Vera is a nice girl gorgeous and smart. I was surprised she was a virgin and I would love to marry her except for the reasons I am about to explain.
Everything is fine with our relationship except that Vera is living in an unreal romantic world. She is constantly expecting some ‘romantic’ things from me and I am trying my best but it never seems like my best is good enough for her. I know women love romance but that is why most of them are gullible and fall into the hands of the wrong guy.
From the time we met, I have never pretended to be who I am not. I am not a mushy person. I love you does not mean I have to do only the things that you like. Yes, she likes romantic dates, flowers and all that sh*t. I am someone who believes in doing the best that you can within your capacity.
I work as a site engineer in an oil and gas company. I hardly have time for myself and when I want to spend time with my girl, I really just want to do so without drama. Our first valentine date in 2019 was very beautiful. Then she made a statement that she would like to get proposed to on valentine’s day or any day that is significant to her like her birthday or her parents anniversary.
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To me, she was giving me a hint and I laughed because then, it was too early to even think of getting married. The second year, our valentine’s day, I was onshore site work. I made plans for some things to be delivered to her. She did not really appreciate it cos she wanted me to be around and maybe she thought I was going to propose.
The main reason why I haven’t proposed is two reasons;
- Vera is always complaining that I am not romantic. I want her to understand who I am first, accept me for my flaws and do not over expect anything that I cannot give her. If she cannot do that, I will not propose.
- Secondly, Vera is always saying that I should remember I took her virginity. That she only gave it to me because she believed I was going to be her husband. Well, that seems like a blackmail to me. I didn’t force her to give me her virginity. I could have married her a virgin or not.
Being a virgin does not mean I must marry you. I feel like she is putting me under pressure. Yes, I will marry her when she learns to relax and not expect anything from me. I have tried to explain my stance to her but she will not listen.
This valentine, I planned for us a romantic getaway. I thought I was really making an effort this time. I booked a nice room in a fancy hotel, I did balloons and all that fancy stuff. Yes, she was wowed when she came in. We had a great dinner and all. When we started making out, she flipped out.
Vera said she was not in the mood. I asked why, she said, its obvious that even though I planned a very romantic valentine, I did not propose and as such she feels even after 3 years of dating, if I do not want to propose, she wants to move on. Before I could say anything, she started to cry. Which is something that she does every time and it irritates me alot. She started calling me destiny waster. Time waster. That she gave me her virginity, wasted 3 years with me….yet no proposal. Ah…
I actually got pissed off because this was not what I was expecting. I was in the mood, very hard, ready to make love to my woman and she just killed the mood with her yeye cry. I got angry and got out of the bed. I said some things in anger. I was trying to tell her that I would never be the man she expects me to be and she should either take that or leave it.
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I also told her I would propose when am ready, not on her own time table. Am I not the one to propose? Is she going to force me to be ready to propose? Seriously, I was pissed and so, I got angry too. She was still crying, she got dressed and left. Before, I would beg her not to leave but man don tire to beg na. She left around 11pm.
That night, I wont lie, I was tempted to pick up an olosho for f*cking cos how do I arrange an expensive room for valentine and no action for me. But I chilled out sha. The next morning, I didn’t call her cos I was still upset. But I started feeling soft towards evening. I called her line and it didn’t go through. I tried for several hours until I realized she had blocked me.
Tried her WhatsApp and all social media, she blocked me. That really infuriated me. At that instant, I decided to forget about her but I swear I couldn’t sleep all through that night. I am still angry. I want her back by all means….I want to go and beg her to forgive me but then again, how do I ask her to forgive me when she is the one that is wrong? I need her to stop thinking she can manipulate me to propose by saying I took her virginity and all those crazy stuff.
Is she not wrong for always insisting on me proposing? Is she not wrong for ruining the very expensive romantic valentine I planned for us? My head is just spinning…I miss my girl…I don’t know what to do…please how do we resolve this matter? I need your advice. To propose is not an issue but I cannot be forced into proposing. I will do it at my own time.
Am I being paranoid? Please advice abeg cos I don’t understand again…
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You are being paranoid and you need to work on your temperament,as in work on it.
You are not romantic,you are not always available to be with her,your job is so tasking such that you hardly have time for yourself,you took her virginity since 2019 and this is 2022,what exactly are you waiting for to propose? Are you waiting for rapture to take place before you propose ni? From all indication,you love this babe,why don’t you propose,thought you just said proposing is not an issue but you don’t want to be forced into it.
My brother drop ego and propose,you no know say woman time dey go, you should be happy she is even asking you to propose,that means she loves you na,if na another babe,since 2019,you never shake body,na to dump you find serious person oooo,you want to date her for 20years before you propose okwaya?
Bros, propose to her this weekend and that settles the matter,unless there are other bad character she has you didn’t disclose here ,if not biko do the needful,you dey chop the babe kpekus since 2019 and now you are saying she is forcing you to propose.
I bless the day of your proposal,make sure you are a little bit romantic and sexy on that day ,okay. God bless you
I understand you don’t want to be forced, but still try to reason from her own point of view and learn to bring down your ego,…she should also work on herself cos I see no reason why she will start calling you names….also try to be available and romantic so you don’t loose your woman to a romantic guy….if you love her enough go the extra mile, try to calm her down, talk to her so she sees reasons with you, be soft with your words and do what’s right…peace bro….
U can sleep with her but u can’t propose, anyways no be u I blame na the girl wey give u free body na him I blame.u work as a site engineer in the oil and gas industry then I suppose u are well to do then y the delay?
U said she is smart and gorgeous then she must have met many guys before u and she still kept her virginity but when she met u, all are moral defenses were broken down and she gave u her prized possession that is her virginity and this is clear indication she loves u very much,pls don’t take it for granted, remember u can only maintain a relationship when love is reciprocated btw the parties involved.
she has given u an hint as to how she want it to be done then pls do it as she want,remember in the atmosphere of love there are a lot of compromises.
Pls stop sleeping with each other cos FORNICATION is still a SiN.
Take care and God bless you.
Is not by force to propose to her and don’t allow her to coerce you into it. If you’re not ready free her and move on. If you think she is the woman for you go and beg her then plan to work things out with her. Don’t go extra mile just to please her when you cannot sustain it.
Great ! @Nelly
Most women lives in Fantasy and usually want things in their own way. It’s okay, that’s their makeup..
The point is you should consider it very well whether you are truly ready to settle down with Vera, if Indeed you want to, then go ahead to apologize, win her confidence back and propose to her….then marry her immediately.
But if Not, let her alone. Give her your blessing and move on.
Don’t give in to pressure