True Story: Why Men Cheat -Is It Because It Rains Everywhere?
Hi Lively Stones,
There was an argument in the Lively Stones WhatsApp group about a statement made by someone two days ago. This lady said women should not leave men because of cheating because men and cheating is like rain…and you cannot stop rain, it rains everywhere. Some people came for her because she spoke the truth. I agree with her which is why I want to share my story. Try and understand my truth, nobody has it all.
My name is Jasmine (not real name). I am 28 years old, having fun and loving life. I have always loved the idea of getting married by age 30 or before… but I have not been very lucky in relationships. There is no such thing as faithful men, well at least, not in my dairy. I gave up relationships because I was looking for so many Mr. perfect.
Yes, there are a few perfect men but we need to normalize the fact that such men make up only 5% of the world population. How many of us will get a taste of such? So, if you are lucky to have a man from the 5%….well….that is story for another day. Here is my story:
Two years ago, a friend of mine at work posted a picture of me and her on her IG…and her boyfriend’s brother liked the photo and asked her to introduce us. We got talking and hung out a couple of times, the guy is cool but after hanging out with him for like 2 weeks, he did something that really annoyed me.
Clearly, he was still seeing someone when we were hanging out cos once that girl calls, he will hide the caller ID quickly. He also would be speaking quietly with her, like for me…that was very disrespectful. He lied that she was just a needy ex girl friend whom he has no interest in but I never believed him cos it was starting to look like I was a fool or something.
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I messaged this girl after getting her number from his phone, I asked her if she was with him and she said yes, that I should back off her man. That was all needed for confirmation, I broke up with him and he started begging I was never going back. I was done.
A few weeks later, I went to the mall and ran into my colleague’s boyfriend with another girl. He knew I saw him and maybe he was afraid I was going to tell his girlfriend. Because, I don’t know how he did it but he got my no and started begging me not to tell my friend. I texted him not to worry, that his secret is good with me.
This guy later tell me that he would like to compensate me for understanding. That he would book me a reservation at the hotel where he was managing, if I wanted. He said he would also book me a spa session just to appreciate me. He sent the details showing he had paid for the reservation.
To be frank, I should have refused but I needed a night out myself so I got dressed really S**y and showed up at the address I was given for the dinner and spa session. The room was very glamourous. I went for the spa session first. It was very exhilarating. I had a fancy dinner and sent my colleague’s boyfriend a thank you text for the treat.
This guy replied, saying you deserve to be treated as a princess. That he would drop by and say hi after he finishes his meeting. When he came to see me, I was still thinking he was just being nice but he quickly became all touchy and feely with me, saying crazy things like he has fantasies about me and him having S**.
To me, he was utterly crazy but he also very persistent. .saying all kinds of romantic things. I asked him what about his girlfriend, who is my friend and he said they are taking a break. I knew that was a lie but still I ended up having S** with him. I am ashamed of myself but it felt really good to be desired at the time.
It felt good to have a guy shower you with nice things my colleague’s boyfriend does for her. It was a fun night. I pretended I was with the lover I deserved after being treated badly by guys in a long time. After that night, he would call me up randomly and we just were having fun. This has been going on for almost 9 months. He and my colleague later broke up.
The thing is, I am not the reason they broke up. There were other women apart from me. This guy is a chronic player. Its just that I was lonely and got caught up in al the attention he was showing me. So, my colleague has moved on from him. Now, she has a new boyfriend.
Last December, we went on a trip to Dubai. To my surprise, he went on one knee and asked me to marry him. He was like, he wanted me to be his wife because I know his flaws yet I do not bother about it. That I am wife material. I said yes because I have come to love him even with his womanizing problem but see all the men I have been with, none has been a saint right?
Is the devil you know not better than the angel you don’t know? I know he will not stop seeing other girls even after marriage but at least that this one will take care of me. My issue is how do I explain to my colleague that I am getting married to her ex whom I met through her. I feel like she would think I betrayed her but I did not think this would lead to marriage.
So, I summoned up courage and told her. This girl called me all sorts of names. I apologized for my actions but she told me that she feels sorry for me, that as intelligent and beautiful that I am, I decided to settle for a man slut because I have no self esteem and sense of loyalty. Her words really hurt me and people are now looking at me like I am desperate in the office.
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I wanted to break up with this guy after what she said but she is wrong because I am not marrying because I am settling but because it is my goal to get married and I found a man that can take care of me, why is it impossible for people to believe some women can be with a man that is not perfect? Is she jealous or hurt?
Am I the first person to marry someone else’ ex? Your husband or wife today is someone’s ex? I am trying to put things in perspective…I am 28, I have a job and a man that provides for me…how am I being so desperate or lacking self esteem? Why are people so hypocritical?
There are men who profess undying love for their wives but hide and cheat …at least, I know mine and I am not going to break my head on the matter. I am getting married legally, have my children ….What else ….who is the hypocrite here? If you have a man that is faithful…happy for you but isn’t it true that it rains everywhere? Can we all get the same few good men?
Can we stop pretending and admit the reality of our world today? Many married women who stay in marriages for up to 30 years know what their husbands do but will never tell you…everyone is pretending. I am not pretending. I do not encourage my man’s behavior but I know he cares for me and he is an adult who I cannot change his behavior. If I leave him today, another woman will marry him las las.
I really want to hear what real and objective people are thinking. I am tired of this holier than thou situation. I am not preaching or encouraging men to cheat….if you are a man and you do not cheat…its fine but you know majority will agree that I am being a realist…what is bad in that?
Anonymous
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The above story is the story of a poster, this story does not portray the views of Lively Stones in any way.
I think that shouldn’t be an issue. It’s your choice and no one business
My sister this rain wey dey rain for your area heavy oooo,you go fit stay under this kind ☔️ rain so? You described him as a CHRONiC womanizer,huh. Check it ooo,this course you are about to study is called MARRIAGE 101. Well,I wish you all the best,and make sure you are not going into this marriage all because he can take care of you or his money,aside him taking care of you I hope there are also good qualities he has that you love. Nne it is well,if you know you can handle him,please go ahead and I believe God will change him,cos you cannot. Keep praying for him and be a good wife to him. My sister one more thing,make sure you are careful so you don’t contract any form of infection ooo. Your marriage is blessed okay. It is just that you have made up your mind to marry him if not I would have said you should calm down and take a chill pill,you are 28,so why the rush? Why the marital pressure because this rain no go easy oo,hope this rain will not tempt you to cheat in your marriage,are you ready to cope with this stuff forever? It is well with you sis,I pray this rain stops soon,amen.
You mentioned two men that cheated their girlfriends, but you too slept with the one that was dating your friend and justified it with, he was also sleeping with other women.
All the men you have been with have not been saints, you yourself by sleeping with your friends man, are you a saint.
You can marry him.
Dear poster, I will advice you change your priorities and mindset, you messed up for having anything to do with your colleagues ex, you could have avoided all these(SPA treatment and reservation) but you wanted to be taken care of, you wanted to enjoy what your colleague was enjoying, that’s being envious dear….I hope you won’t become a cheat when you get married to him, there will be a time his attention will be off you, I hope you can manage that….since you have made up your mind to go ahead with the marriage, so there’s no much I can say, be careful so you don’t contact an incurable disease,….peace dear…
As for me,I agree with your colleague ooh. Why settle for less just because the society has normalized such from men? Okay,you love him regardless of his ways that’s why you agreed to marry him? You got no idea what marriage is about. By the time he disappears and reappears however he likes it,leaving you to handle your kids by yourself, that’s when it will hit you. Women are looking for loyalty, companionship, respect, growth and development in their marriages and you are looking for someone who can take care of you? With all the money some women have been posting here of having,they still cheat. It’s not all about money or comfort. You will need a helper. Someone who will be involved in the raising of your kids,who spends time with his family,who respects his wife enough to know that cheating is very disrespectful. We shall be here 5 years from now to see how it will turn out. Or maybe before then you’ll be back for advice again,lol. I think you both deserve each other. Messing with your colleague’s ex, it’s just a very lowly and desperate move and she was very right, nothing envious there. You will be calling him to come home or even help to take the baby to the hospital but he’ll send you money to sort it out while he is busy with his women out there. As if that’s not enough, being married means having no protection while being intimate. Wait till you start treating one infection to another. It’s a long road ahead of you, all the best. With that said, some men change. Especially those who decide to do that by themselves. Maybe he’s seen your patience with his chronic womanizing ways yet you never nagged him about it so he may have seen you deserve to be treated well after you both settle down. Or he will also use it against you. Since you knew about his ways,he will now upgrade and expect you to understand since you’ve always been okay with it. While dating you can tolerate it,but as your husband,I’m not sure you’d keep up. On the other hand, Men change for the women they want to change for. They’d do anything to keep that woman and make her happy. Let’s pray maybe he’s decided to take this path once you both marry. Despite all these, I hope you put everything to prayer.
Seek counseling.
You are in for a terrible ride.
The devil you know is still a devil.
It’s unfortunate how desperate people get. Your friend is not jealous of you at all
Haven’t read such an honest, insightful and thought provoking response in a long while. Thank you Faith for saying it the way it is. It’s only a subborn fly that follows the corpse to the grave.