My Girlfriend Has Given Me A Marriage Ultimatum-Please Advise
I met Ene (not real name) 2 years ago at a popular bank. She was a Customer Service officer. My ATM card had been swallowed by the ATM machine and I was having a had time getting it from the other Customer Service officer. And then Ene came with the brightest smile I have ever seen and se says: how may I help you sir?
Long story short,she assisted me very kindly but I could not loose the opportunity of shooting my shot. I complimented her and told her I would love to be her friend. And we became friends and even though I was just an undergraduate, Ene treated me like the greatest man on earth.
It was also easy to love her. She is the most beautiful woman in the room any where she is. She is kind and laughs alot. She makes me laugh and my heart light anytime I see her. I mean, it was the coolest thing for an undergrad to be dating a hot banker. My friends envied me. I wont lie…I feel blessed.
Now, its been two years of dating. I am in my final year but Covid and ASSU strike has refused to allow me graduate. Ene is already feeling that its time to take our relationship to the next level: marriage. I agree with her but I wish to get married after my graduation and I have a job and can take care of my wife and family.
Ene does not mind but her family and my family are not in support. Her father wants me to be settled and that is my wish too. I know Ene has been graciously nice with supporting our relationship financially but that is not my vision for her to continue to bear the financial responsibilities if we get married.
My family feels that she might control me when we get married since she will be the one bringing in money for now. At least, I will graduate and do my youth service so I told her to give me like one or maximum two years but she says she cannot be in a relationship for more than 2 years without leading to marriage.
I have given her my word that she is the only one for me but Ene is insisting that we either get married or the relationship is over. I really want to make her happy and get married and make her happy but I fear that things may change between us if we do…I have seen what money does to relationships.
Ene says time is not on her side. Yes,she is 2 years older than me. She is 28 and I am 26. I feel she is ok. I asked her lets get engaged and be engaged for the next two years nut she says no. That its either marriage before the end of this year or latest first quarter of next year.
My mom feels she will always use the age thing as an excuse in the marriage. And yes…sometimes she uses that excuse. That all her age mates are getting married…I feel of I had a job and my money…that may not be…that is why I want her to wait for me to get a job and my own money.
This matter is causing quarrels between me and Ene. But she has said I do not love her enough…for wanting her to wait and get married in 2 years when she will be 30 years old. I know guys might be coming for Ene cos she’s hot and she works in the bank where she meets alot of guys…this really worries me that if I do not get married…she will actually break up with me and move on to some other guy who is ready.
What should I do? Should I get married now to please her? Against our parents wish as well? Will I be making a mistake if I cant convince her to wait for me? Or if we indeed get married….will she change and become controlling or make me feel less of a man cos she is the one making the money? Especially since the age thing is there too…
I need your advise…thank you.
Anonymous email
Photo Credit:Thecouples centre
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Hello Poster , In 2010 December 26th to be precise , i started dating a fellow corp member while doing my NYSC. She did her POP in February 2011 before me and we continue with the date. Being a very ambitious fella , i travelled from Lagos to Ijebu to visit her on 15th Feb 2011 where i had the opportunity to meet her mum and siblings to informally declare my interest based one who i be. However, i finished my NYSC July 2011 and started searching for Job every where while my girl then relocated to lagos too to join in the search for Job. To cut this story short , we dated till 2012 and by then she was already getting to the age limit she set for herself for marriage. One night she called me with glo mid night call and told me she wants to move since i wasn’t ready for marriage . It was obvious i was not financially ready. While forming strong man , i gave her blessing to go on. It was not easy ohhhh. Something that made me drank biggest 1759 as early as 06:00 am. As i am talking to you now , she is married with two kids while i am ***. I think you should apply same.
If you like yourself and love yourself, do not make any mistake of trying to please her.If she wants to break up let her do biko,just think about the age difference, and she is financially okay,these two things will surely bring problems in the marriage.You better cut your coat according to your cloth,don’t say because she works in the bank,so?Calm down finish your studies, go for service,get a good job,then girls will be all over you,even the ones that are more beautiful than Ene.You are just 26 so why the rush? You better calm down and listen to your parents.
The truth about life……is so funny. You may go ahead and marry her, and everything will be fine and dandy…Yes !
And you may marry and things may begin to go the other way and you will start to regret….and eventually break up.
I will advise you to give yourself a break from her for some days. Go to God and earnestly pray about this matter. He gives understanding and direction !
May God hear you !
The ball is in your court. Can you deal with the age difference? which to me is inconsequential. You need to be firm on what you want. Obviously you are not ready for marriage so tell her to wait but if she can’t then the choice is hers. Marriage is not by pressure, there is no age to it. If she feels she is old then let’s her go and marry someone that is ready but marriage doesn’t equal happiness or peace of mind. It is better to wait and marry right than to hurry and marry wrong.
My dear do not marry that girl out of pity.
There is no age limit to marriage.
If you both love yourselves and she can’t wait then please let her go, the relationship isn’t leading anywhere.
I don’t see how you get married after school and can’t provide for yourself not to talk of a woman.
Please let her go. It’s the right and noble thing to do.
Hallo poster, remember how much she has sacrificed for you. Starting all over again is not going to be easy for both of you. As per the age difference, you need to assess her objectively without any bias. Is she submissive, humble and easy going. Or she’s proud and arrogant and very hard to correct, considering her financial status. Aside that, think about if by mistake, you impregnate a lady and abortion is not on the scoreboard, what would you do?. I advise, you try, maybe with her help to set up a side hustle or business on a part time basis. Having a personal source of income is very ideal for you and her. If you eventually decide to marry her, you won’t be a liability on your wife or her family either. Many guys are in school and also doing very well in business or a side hustle. Depending on a salaried job after NYSC from my perspective is a mere waste of precious time. Start something now. Be independent, so you can decide if you really want to settle down with her. Don’t ever depend on her resources for your marital life , you wont enjoy the experience. Her wealth is an addition to you, not your initial capital. Lastly, go to God. Set your heart on God. Look for genuine Christians who can help you understand God’s purpose better. And decide to serve God with your life and family. Don’t allow her pressurize you into marriage. Settle down carefully and gauge her properly before tying the knot. God bless you.
Seun Joseph
So, from what you described…this girl is all you want in a wife right?
You dated her for 2 years even as an undergrad right?
So if you could date for two years and have no troubles why fear that if you marry there will be troubles?
I believe even as a dating couple…she was the more financially invested one? Did she make you feel less of a man with her money?
Why not have faith that she will not change?
why not have a heart to heart conversation with her …to make her understand your fears…she may commit to make sure she continues to be herself
Your fear is not because of her age or money…its fear of commitment….
And who says you must graduate or finish service before you can start making your own money?
Start something now…let her even see your ambitiousness and determination to be something….
Like it or not…most ladies do not want to wait longer than 2 years of dating before marriage.
So if you cannot marry her now…do not tie her down…let her go.
Culture and societal norms dictate the way people must marry.
What you should be looking for are important things like: do you share same values with her? Do you both inspire each other to be the best versions of yourself? Do you have the same belief and faith in God? Do you know each other’s goals and support each other?
Stop looking at age or her money as a factor…just be determined and make more money in the near future…and your insecurity will balance.
All the best.
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