True Life Story: Please Help Me-My Husband Is Leaving Me & I Am Freaking Out
Dear Lively Stones,
I need your advice, my worst fear has been confirmed and I am very scared and confused. My husband is leaving me and my seven month old child. So, I met my husband three years ago. He had just come out of a very bad divorce. His wife cheated on him and left him with their two kids to America. He was in a very low place, we became friends and I helped him get back on his feet. I helped him get a job where his boss really liked him. Under a few months, he was given a new car and good salary.
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We eventually got married a year later and God blessed us with a baby girl. Sometime last year, my husband started telling me that he wants to japka cos he is making decent money to sponsor his jakpa project. I was happy for him but it was only recently that I found out that my husband and his ex are in talking terms. She is actually the one inviting him over to America.
I found out during Christmas because the ex came and they met in her hotel. My husband slept with her and they made up. Can you imagine? Now, the woman is claiming to be pregnant for him and wants them to be a family again. It was my husband’s younger sister that likes me alot that revealed all these to me. I confronted my husband and he started apologizing, saying he wants his children in his life so that is why he agreed to go back to his wife.
Why is this man treating me like this? What have I done to deserve this? After I picked him up and brushed him up after his wife cheated on him, sold their properties and ran away? Now, he is going back to her? Men!!…please any woman dating a divorced, please be very careful because men can stain your white.
Then I asked my husband,what about me? What about our daughter? He then said, I can still remain his wife but I would be his second wife back in Naija. He would send regular upkeep money and visit us as much as he can. To be honest, I feel already disappointed in my husband going back to his first wife and then he is suggesting a become a second wife is really a disgusting suggestion. But my family is saying I should accept to be his second wife and naija wife so that my child or even myself can have opportunity to relocate to America one day.
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I am feeling so sad and unhappy and confused and betrayed…..I can look after my baby and myself but I still love my husband….even with the betrayal…what should I do please? Should I divorce him or stay in naija as his second wife? What will I tell my child as she grows? what will I say., that her father has another family abroad? What will I do when I get lonely? Yes, in future, there may be opportunities to japka but is that not if this man does not even forget all about us once he joins his family?
My husband is leaving by month end…I need to give him an answer. Please advise me, my heart is completely broken. I need to think straight. I need to think what is best for me and my child. And again, how is it that I am going to be second wife? He legally divorced the ex…does that not make me the first wife now and she, the second wife? I need sound advice.
Anonymous
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Dear poster,I feel your pain but if I were you I won’t divorce him because he will still break up with her and run back to you,and run back to your arms.. Just watch as things unfold
Have a concrete agreement with him before he jakpas,he has to send you and your child regular upkeep and other things,he needs to start up a business for you before he leaves,let there be a written agreement, he needs to leave atleast a good property for you back in Naija..
He just heard jakpa and he doesn’t know what it entails,abeg just focus on yourself and your beautiful girl, you’ve done your best for him and God will reward you…. Let him go with his already divorced wife and let’s see how long they will last,shebi him kukuma know say na women get mouth for yanki,I pity him,that woman will deal with him over there,she will cheat taya,himself go regret why him follow her,just watch them for like 2-3years before you can decide on what to do….
It’s well with you my love
Dear poster,
This is betrayal of the highest order. The man doesn’t know what will happen to him in thenear future. He thinks America is like Nigeria.
With what my sister said, have an agreement with him about your child’s upkeep and monthly allowance. Let it be a written agreement. Engage a lawyer too in case he default.
Believe me ma, you will laugh last. Don’t fight with him, don’t abuse him either. Just allow him to make his decision. You will laugh last.
We know how this will end. Just allow God to fight for you. Allow him. And never speak ill of him are you hearing this ma? Don’t do it. Let him go to America.
In the mean time, enjoy what God has given you and lean on the comfort of the holy Spirit.
You are favoured.
Shalom.
Dear Poster,
Now, this is a situation that actually needs a clear head and guidance.
I like the fact that you are asking yourself some pertinent questions and believe you possess a Godly spirit.
Facts:
1. You love him
2. You can take care of yourself and your child.
3. You knew gecwas married and not officially divorced since the wife cheated and ran away with his kids.
If I was your daughter and you told me the story of how you revived the man that happens to be my father and how he went back to his other wife ….. I will be proud of the story.
My advice is to discuss with him your concerns about loneliness in the future and how he intends to manage and balance his love amongst the two wives.
Weight his response and be clear to note where you are not comfortable with and the possible fallout in line with you can handle or bear.
If you think you will be fine. Make a decision. If you think you will not be fine also make a decision in that regards.
The matters of life and marriage are a very personal choice that the rewards and punishment only come from God.
In relationship and life I have never seen any human that trust God faithful loose out in matters of Love and marriage. I don’t know your religious stands but have faith and remain true.
You are angry and have every right to be.
Make sure you have a sit with his ex and let her acknowledge your presence and his resolve to keep both of you and the meeting should be arrange by him. Read the room and let that also guide your final decision.
Women like you are rear. I pray you have the console and frame of mind to overcome this phrase.
This is sad.
He used you.
Before he travels, since you are legally married to him, perhaps you should contact the family and child support units of the Human Rights Agency in your state and ensure he commits to providing for your child at least. They can enforce compliance via his local guarantor. With that, regular contact with him is assured.
My major concern is that this Ex may selfishly take him away when he goes abroad. Therefore, please don’t relent in prayers. If you can join MFM Manna Waters prayer session on Wednesdays at 5pm on their YouTube channel, you will be amazed how God answers prayers.
God will not let anyone turn your joy into sadness in Jesus’ name, Amen. Shalom.
Family meeting with a lawyer present to check thru all the details from first marriage to the supposed divorce (in my head, there was no legal divorce), to the content of the travel documents of the wife and children and his own travel documents… you need to see all the legal works to know what you really have on the table, so you can make a legally informed decision for you and your child. Was your marriage even legal? Please check all legalities, so you’ll make informed decision and not just do some emotional stuffs or just what family/society expects of a woman…
When you’ve looked into all legal works with a sound lawyer, you’ll be well guided on the best course of action…
It’s disheartening when someone you love so much doesn’t love you enough to be open and sincere with you… whatever gives, you should be fine.
Don’t tie yourself up if you can’t deal with being tied down… you can travel with your child on your terms if and when you want to, if you plan towards it…
Put on your big girl’s pant and begin to think independent of him. If your marriage is not legal, find your way around your freedom from this triangular shackles… and please don’t get knocked up before he leaves o…
Peace ✌️
Dear Poster,
He used you and truth be told, he is still in love with his ex.
One day catch up and pregnancy story didn’t make him accept her back suddenly, it is his love for her.
You will have to fight for your daughter’s place and upkeep. Get the authorities involved-welfare of your state and ensure both of you reach an agreement on how he will maintain communication with you and your child.
I won’t support divorce immediately, watch and see how things goes.
He can’t remarry her till he divorces you except you guys didn’t have registry done.
Moreso, you will need to be sure you get your emotions in check and focus on your daughter and yourself.
Divorce him Iif you know that you will cheat on him especially if he starts acting up in the future.
Remove your mind on travelling to the US tomorrow. If you want to jakpa, plan for yourself not on that husband’s invitation because he may not be able to do that for you.
Keep your prayer life up and active.
I hope you manage the situation well.
God’s grace.