wedding night s.e.x: it’s time for your wedding night s.e.x…no pressure, right? It can be whatever you want it to be. Maybe that’s the most romantic couple-y s.e.x ever or maybe you’re going straight for the married person orgasms. Maybe you won’t have S** at all or you might find yourself are on the receiving end of a p.e.n.i.s experiencing Honeymoon Syndrome. And if wedding night s.e.x is NBD to you, that’s fine too. Everyone’s welcome around here.
Plus, it’s important to remember the reality and context of the whole situation. “Lots of us spend just as much time fantasizing about our wedding night as the actual ceremony itself. But by the time you’ve walked down the aisle, cut the cake, and danced for six hours, you just might be exhausted,” says Sarah Riccio, queer s.e.x educator and co-founder Delicto.com. “So what do you do if you’re too tired to stand, let alone swing from the rafters of your marital bed?” Well, start with these tips that will help no matter how your night goes.
Make a plan.
“Before your wedding night, talk over exactly how you want it to go. Stock up on lube, outfits, or toys, and have a s.e.x itinerary ready,” says Riccio. (Pssst, some lingerie ideas.) “If there’s a position or scenario you or your new spouse want to try, discuss it in advance so you can both anticipate it. Or surprise your partner with something fun and different that makes being married feel extra special and s.e.x.y.”
Nap it out.
“Try preceding your first s.e.x as a married couple with your first nap. It might not sound glamorous, but holding each other while you both bask in some much-needed rest is an intimate experience that’ll rejuvenate you for the playtime ahead,” says Riccio.
If it’s your first time ever, take it slow.
“If you and your partner have been abstaining and now are staring down the barrel of your marital bed, you might feel a swell of excitement and performance anxiety,” says Riccio. “Here’s my advice: Spend plenty of time kissing, eye-gazing, and exploring each other’s bodies until you simply must consummate. After you’ve built up enough anticipation, that anxiety will likely fall away, and carnal desire will take over.” (Try out these first timer positions that can help ease you into it.)
Here are ideas for your Big Night. After that…honeymoon s.e.x!
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“The Lotus is a great position because you can be really close,” says Marla Renee Stewart, MA, S**pert for Lovers s-e-x-u-a-l wellness brand and retailer. Wrap your legs around each other in a sitting position. “This allows you to line your tor-sos up and be able to get your arms around each other, k.i.s.s, and embrace for a close and cuddly experience. To maximize this position, use your auditory feedback such as moans and heavy breathing in their ear to heighten arousal.”
- Damn, The Dry Cleaning Bill
Lean hard into the idea of being the fancy wedding couple. “When you arrive at your post-nuptial bedroom, if the energy is high and you’re still in party mode, ride the wave of energy right into an adventurous S**ual encounter. Try having s-e-x in your wedding clothes. Lift up the skirt, unbuckle the belt,” says Zoë Kors, Resident S.e.x and Intimacy Coach at Coral. Yes, your stuff is going to get d.i.r.t.y. That’s what makes it so good.
3.The Plan B
Some women get the surprise wedding gift of discovering that they have vag-inis-mus. “I see many folks experience excruciating pain with inter-course on their honeymoon, says Heather Jeffcoat, DPT, who works with folks that have painful s.e.x. To help, try getting on top. “Controlling the speed of insertion and depth of penetration are key when va-gi-nis-mus is suspected or it’s otherwise not going quite as planned.”
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Prepare a special s.e.x box for the wedding and make your partner well aware you’re doing it. Fill it with a lingerie set that gives you Beyoncé energy, a pair of hand-cuffs, special lube, and a vibrator. On your big night, cuff your new spouse’s wrists behind their neck (comfortably, like when they’re resting their head on their hands) and slowly lube up the area(s) you’re gonna play with. (Vibes can be magic for: clits, perineums, p.e.n.i.s shafts, around the anus, asses). Don’t go right in—tease them a little ’til they really really want it.
5. The First-Time, Part II
If your vir-gi-ni-ty—how ever you want to define that—left the premises long, long ago, act like it’s the first time for both of you. Pretend like you or, hell, both of you—it’s a game, you make up the damn rules—have never been touched by another. Of course just a mindf*ck, but go all in and fake out you brain so you’ll really notice every touch and make every progression (holy crap, they’re touching my b00bs!) feel like the first time. End facing each on your sides for eye-gazing, soulful slow s.e.x.
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READ: Wedding Night S*x as a Virgin – Bride Shares Her Experience One Year After
The Kama Sutra recommends many days’ worth of wooing techniques to “create confidence in the girl” before the “inauguration of lovemaking” but if you forgot that part, you can skip to the end for the bendy position for the day of reckoning. Get on your knees and lean back onto a big stack of pillows. Your p3nis-having or strap-on-wearing partner is on their knees to enter. Your clit with be very available for rubbing by both of you.
7. The Happily (Ending) Ever After
If you’re feeling romantic (duh), have them give you a full body rubdown with a scented candle or bar that melts into massage oil. Wait till you’re arching your back because you want them so damn bad, then have them slide onto your body and enter from behind. (“Behind” = “from the back” not “a.n.a.l.” A.n.a.l is an anniversary thing.) Stretch your arms above and hold hands because you two are cute like that.
8. The Wedding Presence
If you’ve been together forever and seen every part of each other a billion times, you can make it new again by super-focusing on undressing each other like it’s the first time. Stand by the foot of the bed and remove each other’s wedding garb slowly, piece by piece, kissing whatever ~parts~ are revealed each time. Really notice the feel of their mouth on you or the way their chest feels under your hand. Prop your foot on the bed for balance and do it standing. Keep your veil on—it’ll feel extra s.e.x.y, and when else are you gonna wear it again?
10. Taking the Plunge
Again, just because you’ve done it *a lot* with your partner before the special day, you can still make it hot. Ban pre-wedding s.e.x for an amount of time that will be semi-painful to both of you. When the big night comes and you’re beyond ready, have them carry you over the threshold, making out during. They prop you atop the fancy hotel dresser, slide down your panties, unzip and take you right there, still in your wedding clothes.
10. The Bedded Bliss
If one of you is a vir-gin, this night might have even more meaning. Have your partner lie on top of the length of your body—chest to chest, legs to legs—and you rock against him gently with your hips and hands. A very sweet way to start as husband and wife, plus it buffers against too-enthusiastic pounding and lowers the chances of him coming in two seconds because he’s finally—finally!—with you. As always, lube is your BFF.
11.The Four-Poster Fantasy
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