His Family Thinks I Am A Gold Digger: My Family Thinks He Is Controlling My Life-Pls Advise
Dear Ma,
Please hide my identity. My name is Francisca (Not real name). I am 26 years old. I have a steady job and I am in love with a very nice and caring man but he is 27 years older than me. I know that the age difference is much but I truly love him and he loves me.
Now, we met about two years ago on a flight and it was love at first sight. My bag got stuck when I tried to get it out of the plane luggage compartment and he helped me get it it. From then, we started talking. We exchanged numbers and we have been inseparable from day 1.
This man has treated me the way no other man has. Even though he is old enough to be like my dad but he does not look that old and he treats me like his equal and with a lot of respect. I get alot of wisdom from him obviously because he is older and has more experience. He is very romantic too. A perfect gentleman!
The only problem now is the people around us. First, his children do not want to accept me cos some of them are even older than me. I have tried everything to be nice and friendly to them but they keep treating me like I am a gold digger and trying to take advantage of their dad.
Their dad and their mother divorced like 10 years ago. I think they still want their parents together cos their mother is single or so. I even get a little jealous cos their mom sometimes calls my man. He is such a gentleman that he is still friends with his ex.
At first, I could not really understand it but he mad me realize that he is not a spiteful person. That they were married for 15 years and will not be keeping malice with her. That they both have dated other people since they got divorced.
I think of all the people that my man has dated, I am like the only one that has been a threat to his children. They see how serious our love is and they do not want their dad to get married to me.
Their dad has told them he does not need their permission to marry me. But I really do not want to be the one to cause a rift between this man and his children. Its only because my man keeps assuring me that everything will be ok that is why I am still hoping but every day its like its getting worse.
I think his children tried to set me up. They got someone to chat me up and tried to act like someone that is interested in me. Telling me that he loves me and that he will take care of me better than the old man I am with.
This person tried so hard, promised me heaven and earth if I will date him. The desperation was much. I had to show my man and he chatted with this person until he stopped. I am very sure his children were behind it.
My man has met my family too. And my parents especially my father does not like the idea of me marrying an older man. My father thinks he is pretending…or maybe he is just ashamed that I am marrying an older man… My mother is a bit supportive. My siblings feel I am being brain washed cos of my man’s wealth.
It appears everyone thinks I want to be another Regina Daniels but honestly, this is about true love and care that I am experiencing for the first time. I know we really do not need any one’s permission to be together because we are both adults but I really get scared of all the lack of support from people around his family and mine.
My man wants us to get married in December. How do we convince everyone to support us? I thought about getting pregnant…maybe that will change my dad’s heart. I spoke to my aunty: My aunty feels I might be in love now but that my man might become controlling later in life due to the age difference.
My Auntie encouraged me to send my story to lively stones so I can get sample peoples’ advice..do you think my man will change all his loving ways later after marriage? How do we deal with all the adversity from both families? and do you feel if I should just quit?
Quitting will be hard but I would want to know what my options are before taking any decision.
Thank you ma.
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Photo Credit:Woman’s world
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Hmmmm.. This is a dicey one. Let’s say you’re not really struck with his wealth and all you say is true, can you handle the lack of support you’re not getting from his family and your family? This is a man with grown up children, it won’t definitely be rosy if you’re not welcome in the family. Please eradicate the idea of getting pregnant from your mind because that will definitely confirm the notion that you’re a gold-digger.
I strongly feel this cannot be the best Marital decision you should make but I’ll advise you to give it more time and see if your man’s please pray about it if you’re a Christian and let God direct you. Cheers.
You better be sure of what you are going into ooooooo,he takes care of you and shows you somuch care because the money is there oooo,don’t be deceived my sister. Have you asked him why he separated from his wife.Leave that man alone if you want to have peace in your marriage
The choice is yours not mine.if you’re really sure of getting married with him.there is know problem there.but ask him the cause of his separation between his ex wife.you have to get proper understanding with him.check very well before you will enter the motor whether is love or lust is the problem within you.is good as you’re making a choice but let be normal.whether your people support you or not go ahead.. know body can’t make a choice for you.is only you see and know what you really want.if it is evil and good be preparing for it.is a game of choice and heart.
Please don’t get pregnant in a bid to force things to work rather you will only be complicating the matter.
You are still young let time pass and in the process you can prove to everyone that you both are sincere in your relationship.
Also prepare to live with an elderly person it has it own challenges: healthy, S.e.xual, mental, physical, social etc.
In this space of time you should consider all that. Don’t fight or argue with anyone that opposes your relationship because they also have their reasons. What you should do is to prove your love.
Most importantly pray and let God guide you.
Please don’t get deceived that when you get pregnant with your man it will do the magic. I know of a guy who followed same advice to impregnate a lady he intended to marry but the father wasn’t interested in the man. This case came to me and as a marriage counselor I told him not to impregnate the lady because, first he was a Christian and two, the advice to impregnate the lady can’t change the father’s decision. The man rejected my godly counsel and impregnated the lady. The results: the man refused outright and the lady moved outside the country and the guy is still not married. For over ten years or more , the position of the father hasn’t changed. I will advice you not to marry him or get pregnant with him. Besides, the children will give you many problems. Wait on God, the right man will come.
Hi,
He loves your youth among other things etc. You love the care You are receiving…
As Fisayo said, you should reflect on when nature sets in for him much later, you’ll be vibrant and He was older perhaps frail, if you decide this is the man for you, you’ll have to reciprocate all the love then, caring for an older man when you’ll still be very young & alive.
Food 4 thot.
Please you are too young for all these families drama and wahala. Have you ever considers what will happen when he gets older in age and you still young and vibrant. When he can no longer meets your Love, S.e.xual needs, care, pampering and others cos of old age, will you be able to reciprocate such love then. You need to have a hard and long talk and thinking with yourself before making any decision. It is not about now but the future.
Hi,
Some people say age is just a number but truly, marriage is a big deal…who you marry and the family they come from is a big deal.
I would say…date a bit longer…get to know him and his family and let his family get to know you before you decide on getting married
If he continues to treat you with respect and love…then yes…and perhaps, time will help both families appreciate your personalities better.
Your marriage does not need so much negativity around it…and being this young…it will be hard for you to handle…
Take your time…date more and see how this goes…if it keeps getting better…chances are that your families will gradually come to accept it.
If you were older…then it would be ok….but being this young….it could be a risk…27 years older? Do you share the same vision and values in life? Does he support yours? Do you talk about your future together?
What about when he gets older…how will you cope, will you have kids?…what if he is not agile to support with raising kids with you? What about intimacy? Money and financial future? Will you be financially independent or dependent on him?
You need to be patient and observe a little more before you take that big step into marriage…its not like you are old…so whats the rush?
Just be patient and observant….God bless.
Everyone has give the best advice already..
Find out what made him break up with is wife.
Can you keep up with the fact that you may become second place in his life while his children and maybe the first wife becomes first.
You may be young and he has the money that is why you are receiving so much care and love. Think about long term goals. How are you sure he would continue like that.
Make sure to look into every aspect and don’t be blinded because men usually have sweet mouth when they want something from you. In this case maybe cus you are young and fresh.
I have seen this situation a lot before of how older men go for young ladies. Tho they have a family either broken or stable before. That first family will forever remain his first love. And you second place.. When either you get older and he doesn’t love you as much as when you are younger. He goes for another girl. Or maybe something happens to him. You would now be left by yourself. So think twice