True Life Story: How Do I Confront My Wife With This Kind Of Question??
So it happened that at this certain time, I was running a lucrative business that had so much cashflow., to the tune of about 2-4m monthly and I married my long-time girlfriend whom I d!svirgined and had been dating for 7 years.
The moment we married and started the family journey, I tried making conversations about having a core family standard that would make harmony stand the test of time. Note that I am a man who is disciplined and goal-oriented. So first I approached my wife with a conversation on how to both make meaningful contributions in getting the family from point A to B at all times, to be more detailed, one of the conversations we had was about our finances because I also mentored her in the same business and she was raking in cash as well and was profitable.
I asked her that we make it a habit of both of us making contributions, having a certain joint account where we drop in cash from a certain amount we make sure we get paid monthly from our businesses. This was because while I was a reasonable spender who knows that if I go broke nobody got my back in the whole wide world.
I’m the kinda person who when I spend, let’s say for example, 200k just knows I’m worth times 30 of that but even with that I didn’t have a concrete structure in business, I just spend money or do things as though my business was an extension of me, which the same was my wife’s as well.
And this was the reason I wanted us to make the conversation and also do things together. So I told her when we get paid monthly from our businesses we send a certain percentage of it to a joint account to run the family and if I was doing let’s say 70k she should do like 30k because, with all honesty, I valued her business at if not half of mine or slightly above it was close at the time. And this was immediately we got married oh.
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I was met with strong refusal, as she told me I married her and it was my duty to cater for everything, but as a patient person that I am in not making my judgement rashly I kept trying to convince her.
I did till when it dawned on me that we was stern with her objection. And then this created in me a sense of deep selfishness from my wife and also note that I wasn’t ever nosey about her income and even though I had a way to access her accounts to monitor Everything I wasn’t interested and I was being the sole provider in the family while I watched my wife spend her money how she liked, making decisions that should involve me with her sister and calling some things to surprise me, and I don’t mean it negatively.
It happened that i started a project in building a house 3years before we married which I’d credit to her sisters’s advice and by the time we married we were already done with the roofing, remaining plastering and the rest. We were living at a very moderate house in town but had this project at a suburb in lagos which we all know that as a lagosian is still Lagos but only that the area would be less expensive.
So at a time we were planning moving to a better apartment in town when her sister and her friend advised we pour money in completing our own place to move in. After much convincing I agreed and God blessed the most during this period in business so I had a dream house kind of finishing to the interior and we moved in.
During this time we were managing living at our business place because I was still accommodating her in my business space and we lived there and went home ones or twice in 2 weeks as it was easier with my driving. We then had a certain disagreement that made my wife without my agreement move her business and everything to that house and the area sighting her sister advicing it be done.
I winked at it for peace to reign and because I wasn’t a fool. Sorry without having to correct what I typed up there, this was the real account of what happened. When we had our first child she moved directly there and I went home weekends while running both businesses with me just directing her staffs and guiding them with discipline. We all know when you leave business for strangers it’s OYO but all that doesn’t mean I was also having access to her money, the money went to her while I managed the business.
This also was playing out while we dated and got married in how she never likes making any expenditure in even the cost of executing her jobs, and she would rather bl@ckmail which I don’t buy and because at those times I stick to mindset in business she’d rebel and take rash decision that would later backfire. So that was how she came one day and moved her everything to the area where we built saying her sister advised it.
I was a faithful man, a born again personality who ever since I gave my life to Christ about 5years to our marriage I stopped having f0rnication even with her or anyone and till that point in the marriage. So as she had moved, ye little things I knew in her business started diminishing while I was running the family financially.
But this lady was always making me feel less than a man because she was so so not submissive even though I married her with the us being both core Christians and born again where she was even more fired up than me so we all knew submissiveness was the watchword.
But she wouldn’t sub to it at this point and when I was home she’d make life miserable for me shouting in an area that the voice travels far, insult my life telling me that she regretted marrying me because I was a person who just wouldn’t budge and I used to say I don’t “think” as in the thinking that leads to depr£ssion and I guess this was why she wasn’t having it.
I always found ways to channel my thoughts to things positive that gets me going and even forgiving her on time while she sometimes take days to stop keeping malice.
This lady graduated to the aspect of telling me she stooped so low marrying me and I could go out and meet other ladies that she wouldn’t even give a damn, and this went on for a long time. Without exaggeration, I myself was someone that in her words she feel for initially because of my looks although I was 5″7 and she like 5″6 in height which isn’t that short for a man.
I knew how young in thought and look I was when I start taking care of myself and dressing nice again and without a doubt an handsome man, so it got to a point I said to myself I’ve had enough.
At this time I was already lusting at my spec in ladies out there in which I married her like but she refused to remain at. I brushed off and even while being in my early 30s I had several ladies saying I looked 23-26 in age and I started meeting ladies and having affairs with multiple through platforms and it was mind-blowing to me because they were telling me I looked better in person even though the profile pictures I had were compelling themselves.
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So I had several young ladies wishing we were dating for real but u didn’t want that and wouldn’t lie to get them laid with promises but the only lie I told was that I wasn’t married neither with kids which some weren’t even suspecting not to talk of asking such.
But something was just not clicking with the way guys if this age behave when I relate with them and this is when we have more deeper relations and then they start sensing the nature of responsibility which makes them ask if I was married.
So at this point I said to myself, I was separated from my wife and I told her in several occasions because I wasn’t going home as often as before she noticed all the changes in my looks but cared less. I was so far gone in having other ladies that I didn’t even know what could ever make me wanna get back with her again. But in all these I was still a man who doesn’t believe in divorce, which is what I always tell her made her misbehave.
Then lemme note this. I was so far gone playing churchy Al these years I never knew the age had turned around and ladies were now so much for sale, I could remember hearing the word hookup for the first time 2 years ago when I had started contemplating cheating and I turned so many girls down on those platforms when I understood what hookup meant.
I mostly kept them friends online for whining and all and I went off without meeting anyone until last year, that same last year by almost the middle of the year I had my first encounter with a lady who was almost begging I had s£x with her right in my car as the car was tinted at the back, and this was while being friends. I refused and explained I had never done it before.
But a month later I started getting in the act until miraculously this year at mid year I had been longing for a change in lifestyle when I got the gift of repentance right in church and I just at this moment didn’t care what my wife had ever done to me, I just forgave her in my heart, asked for forgiveness from God.
Then it has been happening lately by then that she had been begging me and her sister was saying she in the person of my wife was already fed up and wanted to beg back in good terms with me but you know basking in the love of flesh I wasn’t into it and knowing she was the kind that goes back to her vomit. But at this point I determined to make her come where I was and then we reconcile.
But shortly after I did restitution with her and told her all I had done and what she made be go into but to my surprise she was so disappointed crying and telling me all sorts which was surprising to me because I expected this woman should have already seen the writing on the wall because I don’t know how to pretend at all but she said she never suspected that she knew I was a Christian.
Although I played a clean game but was was obvious was the fact that I changed in looks and all and shouldn’t that be glaring. And now she only sober occasionally when the thoughts kicks in
My main problem now is that, while my first child is a copy of me, I started seeing the looks of my sister in law’s last born in my last kid, which my mum has vaguely noted and I seconded. We can’t even nurture the thought as we just said it. But personally each day I now stay with the kid I keep looking the semblance and thinking what if my bro in law which is my sister in law’s hobby fathered this child.
You see that would have out the child conception at about 3 months before I ever started having affairs outside marriage. I just wish to know what you guys think because I haven’t even been able to ask any question relating to that as my wife just seem to off to ever fall into such.
Please ignore any typo as it was long and I’m trying to get by with a new course and it’ll be hard to go through what I’ve written again. Pardon me
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