True Life Story: I Am Tired Of My Eleven Years Of Marriage-Loneliness & Depression Want To Finish Me
Hello Lively Stones,
My name is Sera (not real name). I need advise: Should I file for a divorce or just continue to pretend in my marriage? I have been married for 11 years with 2 children. I got married to my husband right out of school, he was the man that took my virginity. I got carried away that a wealthy man proposed to me right out of school. I was carried away with the big wedding, cars, gifts,etc. After we got married, I got pregnant with twins. My husband told me that he does not want me to work.
My duty was to look after the children and be a good wife to him. Being a good wife meant, look pretty for him and open my legs for s3x whenever he was horny. He never asked me one day how I feel…he never cared if I was happy or sad or anything. Yet, he is a cheat and that is where things began to get very lonely for me, just staying at home all these years just looking after the house and the children.
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Several times I tried to convince my husband to let me work or do business and he always refused. I tried to show him how to be romantic but he got upset and said he is not an English man. The cheating and the loneliness drove me into depression. Especially when I found out he has several baby mamas all around town. When I confronted him, he told me he is man and no one can tell him how he can live his life. I wanted to leave the marriage but I had no money or job, hubby made sure I relied on him 100% for anything financial. So I was stuck in the marriage.
In my desperation, I had an affair with my children’s lesson teacher. The affair lasted almost six months until I got pregnant. Out of fear, I had an abortion and I ended the relationship. After ending the affair, the depression came back. I was lonely again. I attempted to end my life several times but only the thought of my children being motherless kept me alive.
With the pressure of family members, my husband was convinced to send me and the children abroad. We relocated to Canada 2 years ago. Living in Canada was even lonelier because I still am not allowed to work. My husband sends us money for everything we need. I am only allowed to go to school where I met someone who I have been having seeing for the last eight months. For the first time in my eleven years of marriage, I am happy. My lover makes me feel alive…having someone who talks to you about everything and allows you to dream big is everything.
I want to divorce my husband. The love is no longer there…he comes to visit us from time to time but we dont have anything to talk about except the kids. Clearly, the marriage feels like a contract…just to be his wife and bear his children. My husband is not emotional, at least, not to me. He has never said I love you one day in this marriage. He provides yes but does not love. I have felt like I have been imprisoned for many years.
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My only problem with the idea of divorce is that people are going to say I betrayed him after he sent us abroad but no one is seeing that the marriage is not working out…my family wants me to stay and persevere…yes, they are enjoying the money from my husband ..me too….I admit, it was my fault…I never thought I would want love more than money….I was also carried away by money even though I knew this man never loved me and ..back home in Nigeria, I could never summon the courage to divorce cos my husband would do anything possible to stop it…including taking my children away from me.
Right now, I want to free myself from this prison. Money is no longer enough….I need a man to love me and there is a guy in my life…I also want to work….I will get a job soon as I complete my program. I am tired of pretending in this marriage. It is no longer healthy for me. Is it not better to go our separate ways so everyone can be really happy with how they choose to live their lives?
I wish I did not resort to this. I know many African marriages where love is not present. Some of my friends and even husband friends have what we call trophy wives…I know the women are cheating or at least using s3x tools to satisfy their intimacy needs but for me, it is not enough…. I was young and materialistic when I got married…but happiness eluded me ever since. My family will not support my decision to divorce but tell me, do you see another way out for me or my husband? I know I may receive alot of backlash…but what else can I do? Have I not suffered enough?
Anonymous
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Dear poster, gather enough money,be independent and file for a divorce……..
Take care of yourself and children,your husband is just a good for nothing man,he doesn’t love you,you can’t remain like this for the rest of your life,you need to love someone and also someone to love you right back
Be strong and be firm
Dear poster
Holding onto a wealthy man can be tough. His ego tends to grow as he becomes more attractive to other people.
infidelity is a complex and multifaceted issue that can occur in relationships regardless of wealth.
Take note Appearance and wealth have nothing to do with having character, faithfulness and integrity. Rich or poor, handsome or ugly, if he’s going to be a cheat, he’ll cheat.
When someone loses respect for you, it’s obvious.
There’s the very real possibility that your husband won’t admit something is wrong.
He’ll continue to be disrespectful of your feelings and you’ll know in your heart that nothing you say will make him see sense.
If this is the case, know when to walk away.
And ultimately, respect and love need to start with you first.
Until you find the courage to walk away and put yourself first, you’ll be allowing yourself to be mentally and emotionally abused.
Because regardless of whether his disregard is due to something you’ve done, or he’s just bitter towards you for no good reason, you’re the only one who has the power to put an end to it.
There are no two ways about it.
Your husband, your marriage, and potentially even you, have deep-rooted issues that need to be worked on.
And if that fails or he’s unwilling, you need to stop allowing this abuse to continue and move on with your life.
Only then will you be putting yourself first and breaking free from an unhappy, unhealthy relationship.
And you can finally work on the most important relationship of all the one you have with yourself.
Also note that people who cheat will cheat. Even if they are fit poor they will cheat if they want to. As it has nothing to do with external, it’s an internal issue.
Best wishes
Dear Poster,
Here is some tough love advise: people should be arrested when they marry knowingly for the wrong reasons and then turn around when they have a change of heart. The consequences of your intentional actions now affect innocent children and cause trauma that some people think marriage is a scam. Arrest these people…you married knowingly for money…its till death do you part….suck it up!!!!
Marriage is serious business…except you are being abused or there is a threat to life, then you have to make it work out.
You may not feel loved by your husband…but you did not fall in lobe with him….you fell in love with his money and that has not failed…keep that love alive.
As for cheating on your husband….what kind of role models are you both raising for your children?
You both seem irresponsible. You both need Jesus and therapy….you can do better.
Time to own up to your flaws and be better parents and role models.
Cheers.
A wise man once said, ‘Relationships are meant for breakups,’ implying that they are inherently fragile. If you’ve lost emotional connection and desire to move on, it’s honorable to respectfully let go. It’s a painful reality, but a decision that can restore your emotional well-being. However, be aware of the consequences; by betraying him, you alter his destiny and may face repercussions. If he chooses not to retaliate, his allies or loyalists might on his behalf, perceiving you as ungrateful. I encourage you to discuss this openly and resolve it. It’s unfair to expect you to live in misery. Every woman deserves love and care. Be wise and prayerful in your decisions.
You were clearly not forced into this marriage. You never married for love in the first place. You married because of money to have a comfortable life which you have. Your REASON for marrying your husband is fully being given to you. The man has not faltered in that regard. He even took you abroad to still enjoy the money you married him for. Kudos to that man.
If you weren’t blinded by wanting only the comfort that money brings, probably your eyes would have been open to his flaws and that would have made you make a better decision of either marrying him or not. Because I don’t believe his womanising started AFTER he got married to you.
Now, after 11 years, after bringing innocent kids into the world, you are crying fowl and wanting to leave because he is a womaniser.
What about you? Ain’t you a maniser? Have you not had your own share of sleeping with men including your children’s teacher?
Are you even sure those children didn’t know about that?
Madam, you both are the problem in this marriage.
Work on yourself first. Change and be a better person. Stop the infidelity on your part. Get close to God. Give your life to Jesus Christ. He will give you a new life that will have true happiness, peace and contentment. Pray for your husband to change. There’s no one God cannot change. Whenever he’s around, let him see the changed you. Prayerfully talk to him about your feelings. I believe he will change and your marriage will be saved.
Get down to being a MOTHER to your children because you are not being a good role model to them.
I wish you the best.
The only thing you can fight for is the ability to work and have some level of freedom but remain married. Do not separate from your husband to follow a lover. The only reason you have enough time to move around with another man is because of the financial comfort your husband is providing. Do not loose it, remember your children
You suddenly realized you have been inside prison after you relocated to Canada lol. You never loved him but his money. All you care about is his money while in Nigeria and nothing more than that. You don’t need any advise kindly divorce and money on and save him the headache of sending money to you and caring for your family. Materialistic fellow.