How I Watched My Husband Crumble Our Marriage On A Zoom Call
Dear Ma,
Please hide my identity. I got married in January. Just before I got married, I got admission to study in Canada. Its an admission I have been working on before I fixed my wedding and I was so happy cos I knew if I travelled to Canada, my husband would join me later.
So shortly after the wedding, even though I knew I was going to miss my husband, I left to Cananda in February. Since then, its not been easy especially when the corona virus thing hit. So,here I was, stuck in Canada cos school was closed down and my husband was in Nigeria.
However, we spoke everyday, we did skype, zoom…just tried our best to stay in touch . I could not wait for the for the lock down to be over. It was a scary time too cos no one knew if the virus would affect anyone at the time.
Well, as the world begins to adjust to life with corona, I started school online and started making inquiries about when my husband can join me. Like I said, me and my husband do alot of virtual communication. So, most times, after talking with him, I forget to turn off my zoom.
On this particular night in August, after talking to him, I think I fell asleep talking to him. Maybe he too fell asleep…cos I woke up around 2am and saw my computer and video was still on…I started hearing moans from the computer. Looking with sleepy eyes…I watched in horror as I saw two people engaged in s*x on my screen.
My heart began to race…I thought I was watching a p*rnographic video but by this time, my eyes were clear from the sleep…and saw my husband f**king some woman. I covered my mouth as I screamed…I screamed his name and realized he was not even hearing me…I had mistakenly muted my call.
I unmuted it and called him again and again….he was too focused and didn’t even hear me. I called his phone. I could hear it ring on his side…he didn’t even pick. I started crying cos I did not know what to do..it was late and I just sat there not knowing what else to do.
I called my sister….she picked after a while. When I hysterically told her what was going on…she asked me to close the computer cos all these while…my husband was still doing his whore …without even noticing his computer and zoom was still on.
I just sat paralyzed until like 40mins. He finished and picked his phone. He obviously saw the missed calls…and then he looked around…he saw his computer on and me watching him..he watched in horror as he realized I must have been watching him…
He started panicking and saying sh*t. He turned the computer off and I started calling him again. He picked up this time and he was like….saying the dumbest thing in the world. I only said to him: I saw it all…he started trying to explain but I cut the call. He called and called and called. I did not reply him.
For me, the marriage is over. I eventually found out the woman is his colleague in the office…a married woman. She was having issues with her marriage and my so called husband was comforting her when they ”mistakenly” started finding comfort in each other cos my husband too was lonely since I left in February.
Well that is my husband’s stupid explanation for his betrayal and infidelity. But I told him and our families that everything is over between me and him. Everyone has been begging me…blaming it on the devil who wants to destroy our marriage and corona lock down that affected so many people and relationships.
I have asked my Lawyer to file for a divorce but my husband has not stopped begging me, every day since August. We dated for three years before marriage. I never had cause to doubt his faithfulness…but this blow is too much.
How do I even begin to forgive such an act? I have trauma…PTSD from that night. The images keep playing in my head. My husband wants us to go to therapy. I do not know any therapy in Nigeria…I read about lively stones…is there any hope for us?
Will I ever be able to trust this man again? …or should I end it cos…we are still not able to be together cos I would have to work in Canada for like 2 years before he can join me. Will I ever stop suspecting him? I am really emotionally drained and I am so sad that I still love this fool of a husband but I do not think I can ever trust him
What should I do am…please advise me…also add me on your whatsapp…I will be reading your comments.
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I think you can make it work. I am not making excuses for your husband but I know being married and distant is not easy. First thing first is to find a place for forgiveness, It will be a journey though but you must still be willing to try. Talk to a therapist on how to make it work. Also do everything in order to be together because distance caused this whole rift.
My dear, you’re hurt and disappointed with your husband. You’re very justified, may God grant you strength.
So many things runs through the mind if you find yourself in such a situation. *Don’t rush to make a decision* about this now. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Have a thorough think through of the situation and understand that we do hear about some of these, not only in movies but all around us.
It actually happens to people *like us* however how we handle it makes or unmakes our success story.
You both have a beautiful young marriage, nurture it, let it glow and blossom. This is a *little set-back*
(Not soo little though)
The good news here is your husband professes his undying love for you. You both can find a common grounds to make your beautiful young marriage work again.
God Guide❤️
Madam,
So sorry this happened. You must be feeling all sorts of emotions….anger, betrayal….etc.
Just take one day at a time….crying can be therapeutic but do not let it weigh you down. Talk to a professional marriage therapist…pour your pain to God in prayers.
But make up your mind not to let this destroy your faith in God or love.
This happened and its time to let it go. Its part of life…life sucks sometimes…learn the lesson and find the strength and courage to dust yourself and move on
Do not blame yourself. This had nothing to do with you…he erred…he faulted…
Take your time and maybe one day you can forgive him…no one expects you to forgive him immediately but if he is making great efforts…then try therapy with him and pray together to God for divine healing of every hurt….
One day at a time…it happened but its over….give yourself a chance to be happy again…smile again….love again…trust again….
Whatever you decide…remember you deserve to be happy and be loved and respected and adored.
God bless you
He will cheat again but this tike he will be smart about it. I hope you forger him. Don’t ever believe a cheater. They knew what they were doing, if you were there would have slept with the woman….no he won’t, so he is a liar and greedy man. Pls don’t be emotional about it at all, you can do without him, you have been doing fine before you met him so you can still do without him. Pls don’t Fal for his sweet words, and im sure that wasn’t his first time, assuming you asked him jokingly without seeing that video, he would have denied it but you saw it, cheaters always they are sorry not because they are sorry but because they got caught. Pls sister, forget him and be strong