My Fiancé’s Gambling Lifestyle Landed Me Into This Dilemma
Good Day Ma,
Please hide my Identity. I need help cos I am so confused. I don’t even know where to start from. So, I am in a relationship with F**k boy. I call him f**k boy cos he is the one that landed me in this trouble that I am. When I met my fiancé, I thought he was an honest and decent guy.
Henry (not real name) is a fun loving guy. Made me laugh and I was completely in love with him. I only began to notice that he liked to live above his means when he started borrowing small amounts from his friends and he was unable to pay for sometime and they would be getting upset with him.
I advised him to check himself and stop borrowing and he would say: even Dangote borrows. He lied that he borrows for business or investment and he lost the money. I began a little worried but he always assured me that its for a while, that he knows what he is doing …that he is trying to build a financial future for us when we get married…hence he needs to constantly invest.
This continued until he borrowed money, this time, 10 million from a micro finance bank and after he was unable to pay, the investment he was involved in was sports betting!!!..can you imagine? My boyfriend was involved in sports betting with the Ikoyi big boys club and we found out that he has been betting heavy amounts for a while.
Henry was arrested. We (me and his family) rallied around to try and raise money to bail him and free him but all out together, we could only raise like 1.8 million. This is after we have used all our savings and I even borrowed 200k from the office to add to the amount.
The bank refused to release him. I was so heartbroken, disappointed and sad. He was remanded in prison. His case was to always getting postponed. It was hell and my fiancé would be begging me and his family not to let him die in prison. I think he finally learned his lesson.
One day, I made up my mind to go to the bank to beg with Henry’s mother. We both got to the bank and asked to see the MD of the bank. When we got there, the MD after listening to me and Henry’s mom beg,asked us to go and we should leave our phone numbers. Later that day, the MD called me and asked me how much do I want to save my fiancé? I didn’t understand at first.
But it clicked… that he probably wanted to sleep with me. I begged him not to do that but he was like,if I am ready, I should give him a call. I cried and cried but I felt I had a duty to do anything that is not illegal to save my man. So I called the guy.
I was given an address, a hotel. I went there and this guy told me that he will ask the bank to give my fiancé like 3 years to pay the money if I agree to sleep with him for 6 months. My mouth went open…this was not what I expected. I thought it would be a one time thing.
I had to agree…that is how I started sleeping with this guy and true to his word, he worked miracles. The bank agreed to settle out of court and my man was released on the condition that he would pay back the bank the money in 3 years. He was made to bring Guarantors as well.
On my part… I was so happy that my man was released but I was heartbroken that this was the price I had to pay for his release. I could not also tell him that I was sleeping with some else so that he can be safe.
From sleeping with this guy…he began to take really good care of me…he gave me money and before I knew it…we both developed feelings for each other. This made it hard for me to pretend to love my man. I couldn’t even allow him touch me. He started accusing me of cheating on him cos he is down financially.
I could not continue like that…I broke up with my fiancé…I could not bear to live like this anymore. But he wont leave me alone. He has been begging and pleading to do anything. But my heart is judging me and I am seriously pained that I have to do this?
How do I continue to pay my man’s debt by sleeping with someone else? Its even harder cos I honestly think I love this man that I am sleeping to save my fiancé. Or is it lust? Or just a crush… Its become a struggle. I need to take a step. Should I tell my guy what I am doing to save him? He may not believe me cos I feel nothing will make me go back to him.
When I told him it was over… he said he does not care if I cheated and that he knows he is the one at fault…that he must have made me do what I did…how so true. His family and mine are all begging me. His family says that after all I did for him, going to beg for him during his incarceration, that I am the only one they want for their son…If only they know the truth…should I tell? Will that make me love him again?
This guy I am sleeping with, even though he didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend but he is kind to me. Will he return my love for him if I tell him? I am scared…or will he not accept me? Will he think of me? I know he has a girlfriend or someone in his life…I have seen him secretly talking to the lady but how serious is he about that woman?
I have asked him if he is married but he didn’t say. He is not on social media for me to check. He is a very secretive and private person. He sent me money last week and I responded to him with a text saying: thanks love. He did not even reply.
I am truly confused: what I feel for this guy is undeniable. I want to see if it can lead to somewhere but I am afraid that if it doesn’t…I would have lost on both sides. The love for my fiancé is not like before. Of course, his gambling habit is a turn off but maybe he has changed …but what if this is my chance to secure a more financially secure man who can truly take care of me?
I did not plan to be in this situation…my fiancé caused all of these…what should I do?
Anonymous Email
Photo Credit:The Guardian
The banker you have been sleeping with already told you want he wanted – your body. You are nothing more to him so don’t start catching feelings or thinking about something serious with him. Him giving you stuff is only an “appreciation of your kind gesture”. Don’t get your hopes up.
You don’t need any of this two guys for now. You can cut off your relationship with banker, except you enjoy the lifestyle he is offering you.
As per your ex boyfriend, tell him the truth and make him know he was the one that led you into such mess ( but your ex must be willing to keep your escapade as a secret). Also let him show his sincerity by working hard to clear the debt and also putting his life together. He needs to get himself stable mentally and physically.
Also get closer to God, it will help you make better decisions going forward.
Hello sister, firstly S.e.x before marriage is TERRIBLY WRONG, you said you boyfriend made you sleep with the man…no no my sister, you are 100% responsible for the S.e.x romps all through, cos you enjoyed it, you also collected mlney from the man, you even said you love him and you dont want to miss the opportunity of settling with a man that can take care of you..you see you knew what were doing all along, doing it for your boyfriend in prison is not an excuse assuming you died in the process nko…what will you tell GOD, that man just used you as a S.e.x toy, cos he asked you for your consent and you agreed to it…I’m not judging you but I need to lay it bare for you. Stop fornicating my dear sister, you are not a S.e.x toy, you are a human that should be respected SNF honoured. As for your boyfriend, tell him everything…I mean a-z how is started with the man that gifts, S.e.x, tell him everything, like you said in the story, that he told you he knew you cheated cos of him, so tell him all. Break off from that other man, you ladies always disrespect yourself when you give yourself as a S.e.xtoy to men, if women don’t stop it, men will continue to see you women as S.e.x objects. I guess I have said more. Talk with your boyfriend, sit and talk for hours, on his gambling and how you guys can help each other, and abstain from anything like S.e.x. GOD bless you dear sister. I wish you all the best. I am Akin
Hello,
I think you need to tell yourself some hard truth. You do not owe this man anything. He committed a crime, why do you feel the need to pay for his crime?
What type of love is that?
Stop this arrangement of sleeping with this bank manager and get a life for yourself.
I believe if he can commit a crime…he should be able to bear the consequences.
Its sad that you have now started lusting after a man who propositioned you for s*x to pay off your boyfriend’s sins.
This is not how you should live your life…you should hold yourself to better standstards…this is very wrong and you need to make it right.
Let both men go and start afresh….they will sort themselves…and you need to sort yourself from this mess.
Otherwise you will regret this when you realized you just wasted precious time for men who had no respect or value for you.
Wish you all the best