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True Life Story: I Lied To Avoid Loosing A Good Man To Marry Me

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True Life Story: I Lied To Avoid Loosing A Good Man To Marry Me

Dear Lively Stones,

Please this is a short one. I am engaged. God gave me a good man to marry me but first, I used to work in this company where I was the company’s Admin Officer/Treasurer. The owner is from my village, he used to help alot of young people from my village. Back then, I was just a school leaver and I needed money for school and to help my family. I was introduced to this man and he offered me a job as Admin Officer/Treasurer. Him and his wife were good to me, they trusted me with alot of responsibilities even sometimes, they invited me to spend weekends at their home.

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That was how I felt very comfortable around them as my mentors but oga was secretly touching me behind madam. I tried to resist but I was young and I naive…his promise of a good life was so tempting, eventually, I succumbed and oga started sleeping with me. I felt terrible most times but I needed the money. He took care of me and my siblings and made sure we are completed our tertiary institution.

It was when I went for service that I finally broke free from oga and his influence. I stayed away after service and turned my life to Christ. I prayed to God to forgive me and since then, I have never slept with a married man ever. That has been like over 6 years now. I was engaged to be married but things did not work out. Found out the guy lied, he was with someone else. I took that as punishment from God, for maybe sleeping with another woman’s husband in the past.

Until I met my current boyfriend. Uchenna is such a handsome, sweet, kind and intelligent man. We met each other during a childhood friend’s wedding. We got talking and we became hooked. We have been dating and our families have accepted our marriage. Uchenna’s mom happens to be cousin’s with my former oga but I never knew until he found out about the wedding. It happened when Uchenna told me his Uncle called to say I used to work for them and so he was happy about our wedding.

Infact, his Uncle and his wife wanted to take over the sponsorship of the wedding but I knew oga was looking for a way to get close to me again. So, I refused their help. Uchenna was surprised that I did not want their money. I was showing so much animosity towards them cos I was scared of Oga. I was scared I would fall back to having s3x again with him cos I was like a s3x slave to him back then. I did everything he asked me to…I was in love with him and I fear I can’t control myself around him.

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I became nervous cos of the history I had with this man. The memories we had together started coming back. I started even having s3x dreams about oga…I was so scared that I did not know what to do. I never told Uchenna about the affair with his Uncle. I was afraid that maybe if I went close to oga again, I would fall again. My fear was confirmed cos Oga invited Uchenna and I over to their home for a weekend….Throughout that visit, Oga was using his eyes to scan through my entire body. I barely survived that visit.

Then he had the audacity to ask me to come to visit him in the office, that he wanted to show the employees that one of the pioneer staff of the company was getting married. I instantly refused. Uchenna asked why, I lied that I was busy or something. Next, anytime Uchenna brought up anything about the Uncle or his wife,  I started avoiding saying anything about the,. Uchenna started noticing. Uchenna asked why I was avoiding talking about them, I said I was not avoiding them.

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I don’t blame Oga’s wife, she was sweet and innocent, she truly loved everyone around her and she was genuinely kind. She suggested that they host the wedding reception in their big compound and I refused. Uchenna was confused….he kept wondering why I was not showing the same positive reaction towards his uncle and his wife. I knew I was reacting and it was getting out of hand. Then I knew I had to come up with a lie quickly. One that would throw oga off my back.

I told Uchenna that his Uncle was a good man but the time I stayed with them, tried several times to sleep with me when I was in his house…I lied to make it look like I was a victim. And I told him I did not want anything to upset the wife. Uchenna was shocked but he finally understood but also so upset that he decided to cut his Uncle off from our wedding. Everything the uncle or his wife tried to do for us, Uchenna politely declined. Oga became suspicious. Even family members are wondering why the sudden change in behavior towards the Ugus family (not real name please) He tried to call me but I blocked him so he used a different line to call.

At first, I did not recognize the voice but soon as I heard his voice…I dropped the call….I became panicky. My hands began to shake…then he sent a message which read: ”sweetheart, welcome to the family, now, you will be married to the family and you will become our wife forever.”

To the normal person, that message was like a welcome to the family but I knew what he was implying….he was implying that marrying Uchenna meant I was marrying into his family and I would become his forever. The truth is, that message scared me more cos…it reminded me that I willingly participated in s3x with this man for almost 3 years and I lied about it. I lied to protect myself and my marriage. However, as the wedding draws close, I find myself thinking…

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Does this lie make me a bad person? I know God has forgiven me but I still feel guilty especially now that I am getting married to the nephew of the man that I slept with for three years. I am struggling inside me with this situation. Did I handle this well or should I have just ended everything the minute I found out Uchenna was related to Oga?

Anonymous

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Jzhane
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Repent sincerely before God, no s.x before marriage after repentance whether married or unmarried man.

    You need to leave free of your past and not in trauma. Only the truth will set you free, be ready for the worse which may be loosing your fiance, tell him the truth if he cannot handle it, take it as a lesson from the past and move on.

    Don’t leave in trauma for the rest of your life.

  2. You’re acting like a victim here. You feel you were his sex slave like seriously. You’re very wicked and you came to destroy that family. The paid you and siblings school fees while you were involved in sexual relationship with him. Now you making look like your the victim now.

    That was never enough you lied he tried to rape or sleep with you and now his nephew has stopped talking to him. You’re still acting like a victim while you knew exactly what you’re doing. That your husband is better off without you in his life.

    Keep covering your lies and one day God will expose you.

  3. Dear poster Your foundation for marriage is very important.

    When all the butterflies are off, that is when you’ll start to see & feel the consequences of your lies & self-deceits.

    You can’t escape it.

    Put in the work, date properly & earn your place in each other’s lives with sincerity and honesty to one another.

    If truly he’s meant for you definitely things will still work as planned

    Whatever the outcome embrace it. take it as reward to right your wrongs. wish you the very best

  4. Dear Poster,

    You may need to come clean since this is a direct family and the man isn’t ready to back off yet.

    It could be disastrous when the youngman finds out about the lie.

    I wish you can think of something before the date of your wedding.

    Tell him the truth and await the worst.

    Walk away with your shoulder high if he can’t handle it.

    If he accepts you, he will fight with you.

    If you choose to keep it secret, don’t worsen the relationship between the man and his nephew any further.

    Avoid being the one that will destroy his home, he will not spare you at all.

    It may not end within the family but gets to the world of he decides to fight you over the lies and character damage.

    Be wise.

    As God to help you.

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