True Life Story: Do You Believe In Arranged Marriage-My Biological Clock Is Ticking
Dear Lively Stones,
I am a 38 years old single naija woman, living in the UK. I know how people react when I tell them my age…being single has not been easy…I have tried all my best, I have been in relationships, none has worked out well. To be honest, I have been depressed for the last 5 years of my life. My biggest fear is to clock 40 and still be unmarried. For someone who tried to be a good person, I feel so unfortunate. Nothing I have not been through, from deceptive men to over bearing family members all trying to stress me for not been married and almost getting to 40. I have now put my faith in God….if it happens or not…I leave it all to God.
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Well, my real story now is, a few months ago, I met a man who took a liking to me. He is from Cameroon. Later discovered he was looking to marry me for settlement. Truth is, I do not mind the idea of marrying someone just for their papers. Alot of people do it here. My only issue is that, he has a wife and 4 children back in Cameroon. Its a contract marriage but its a bit heavy on me cos with 4 children back home, he may file for divorce later and try to bring his family when he finally gets his papers.
Well, by that time, I would have married him and had one or two children. I am wondering if I am not setting myself up for divorce already? I am battling with this decision. He already said he will keep his family back in Africa but I know men like him, he just wants papers….he will definitely file for divorce later. Please what should I do? Should I manage him like that? At least, there is promise of marriage and children in future but the marriage may not last.
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Should I accept his proposal so I can get married before age 40 or keep on being depressed while waiting for a so called Mr. Right? I am anxious and nervous..my friend thinks I should accept cos alot of people do it but I am scared. Please anyone who has done it, can you please tell me how you handled it? Like, is the advantages of this proposal not better than the disadvantages? Will I regret it or will it workout for my good in the end? Please advise me.
Anonymous
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Dear poster,what really do you want in marriage? Do you just want children or a companion?
What’s the intention of wanting to be married? Your age, family pressure,peer pressure,what people around you would say right? Here is the deal, people want to get married based on different reasons best known to them….
…You need to relax and think this through
Don’t marry that man, you’re still 38,wait,hold on,your husband will come,don’t be too desperate…. A family friend of mine will be getting married this Saturday, she’s in Port Harcourt in Nigeria,guess her age? She is already 46 getting married to a doctor, she’s also a medical doctor but not practicing due to some reasons best known to us,so my dear relax and don’t enter into what you will regret later
Lest I forget,don’t be depressed ! Be happy and do things that make you happy,this life is too short and sweet for one to be depressed for nothing, marriage is not for the weak or faint hearted…..
Your husband shall come, settled!
Dear Sis.
This is pure desperation, I can completely relate because I am 39 and unmarried and understand the self pressure of child bearing that comes with it.
But ,do not do it,you are going to end up worse than this when married and even divorced to the guy, he will use you mentally,physically and in all manners.
Calm down sis
Dear poster,
It may be truly hard to be patient especially when you are already getting to the age where all things seems possible. But I want to ask you a question. Have you discovered your purpose? Do you know what it is God wants you to do for Him? Or are you living your life based on societal standards?
You may be wondering how does the questions fits into what you are going through. I will tell you. A man/woman who hasn’t discovered PURPOSE will settle for ANYTHING LESS. what that means is that,
1. You are already losing FOCUS,
2. You are thinking NOTHING GOOD can come out of your life anymore,
3. You are seeing yourself as GOOD FOR NOTHING,
4. God has abandoned you, etc
Have you ever thought of being a widow at a very young age? Has it crossed your mind before? If NO, God just saved you from ONE. He protected and has kept you from SORROW but it seems you didn’t get it or you are not getting it.
But I have good news for you. Glory to Jesus! IT IS YOUR APPOINTED TIME. A man is coming your way NOW!
Pls leave the man from Cameroon. He can never be yours. He is married. He is a TOKUNBO. lol.
God is bringing you your husband. I’m not joking. Keep GIVING THANKS, BELIEVE IT and you will SEE HIM. When he comes, you will know.
God bless you.
Hello sis permit me to say please dont marry that man because your fear is what will happen…. now please can you try focus on Jesus and keep your focus away from the clock and what people are saying…can you take the bible at your free time and look for promises that relates to you….i want to encourage you to be strong and be of good courage and assure you Jesus is with you always and thinking of you…..please hold on to God he is never late. God bless you
Dear Poster, I am 39 based in Nigeria not having everything completely sorted out for me financially and all but you know one thing. I have God, I found God long time ago and I found peace so even when family, friends and society are worried I am the one who knows that God promised me a husband according to His will and with that alone I can never be depressed.
So my dear, have God spoken to you about your future, did He say you won’t get a husband, what does marrying right and the will of God mean to you.
Do you want to marry for the society, for children and family or would you want to marry for life time joy, peace and fulfillment of God’s will for your life? If you can answer these questions you will know you’re shooting yourself on the leg by going in with a married man with kids.
That’s polygamy even if others are doing it, do you also want to join them and why joining now at 38? You deserve better please wait for yours.
Devil is the one projecting depression and finally wants to end your joy with that married man.
Please find joy in the life God has giving you and all His promises and not material things that can vanish once you’re gone.
I hope this will open your eyes to stay focused and never entertain that distraction.
Its why we tell younger women not to follow the nonsense called feminism which has eaten deep into today’s women, and many of them are complaining men dont want to marry and men don’t give a care about dating. Im not saying you are one of them women.
My sister, I ask, when younger, did you push men away with silly excuses women always give, I want a man with these kind of money, this height, and other irrelevant attributes and the nonsense feminism, only you can answer it, if you did, you have yourself to blame. I will be honest with you, finding a man that is responsible at this point will be almost impossible.
Yes, I know GOD can do the impossible, but how many of such women are experiencing what they want at this age? Very very few. The problem is so big, the narrative of gender equality and feminism has caused a lot of nonsense for women, and will keep holding them back, because many men will keep choosing not to marry and guess what women are the ones complaining, yet when young they claim they don’t need men, but as they age, they change tone, and some still hold own to Tue nonsense.
Sister, have a deep introspection within you, and see if what I said is true of you not giving men a chance when you were younger. Many women did this and became desperate as they aged, I’m sure you can see how younger women are still embracing feminists ideologies, I can assure you, they will cry in the future, it will get worse as time goes on.
Forget that man completely, sometimes, this issue maybe due to sins of the past, like sexual immorality, abortion or others. To be on the safe side, use Psalms 51 to pray for forgiveness from GOD, you can fast for 7 days, break by 6pm. Pray in the morning confessing sins with Psalms 52, and same at 6pm to break it. Sometimes our sins of the past that we don’t remember may show up with consequences.
I wish you well. Forget that man and do as I say, you can listen to tapes of genuine preachers.
Chao
Dear Poster,
If the man is married and has kids as well, then you need to reconsider your decision and this marriage plan.
What’s is your purpose for marrying? Is it just to have kids before 40 or answer married before 40th?
You need to be sure of what matters to you before accepting any deal.
If you are concerned about marrying and remaining married to.raise your kids with the man, then this is not a good option for you.
If you need a companion and a complete family, this isn’t for you.
Even if he sticks by you and make babies, what about his family in Africa?
How long will he remain with you?
How sure are you he won’t divorce you the moment he has his papers?
What I’d you have delay in childbirth or he tricks you to having miscarriage?
The pain you feel now is little compare to the pain you would feel when you are betrayed.
If you wish to help him, then help him not in exchange for a family with you. If you insist to dp so, be willing to accommodate any backfire, unfortunate circumstances or karma.
He wants to have a woman to keep him warm and give him papers. He has nothing to loose if the arrangement ends or didn’t go well but you would hurt more.
You deserve better and love would find you. Never late to find a loving husband even before 40..
Make up your mind to be happy and be truly happy outside love life and marriage fulfilment.
All the best.
Even if you want to settle for an arranged marriage, why not with someone single. You still have better chances that a married man.