Good morning ma,
Help me post my story. I need advise please. I have known my boyfriend for over 9 years now. We love each other so much that our families are both aware. But I will say,we always break up and come back all the time.
It all started when I got pregnant for him 6 years ago. We were both not ready at the time so we got an abortion. Later, he said I pushed him to agree to the abortion, that he did not really want it.(which is partially true) but both of us were not financially stable and we were still living with our parents. No way to bring a child into this world.
As a result of him blaming me all the time for the abortion, I broke up with him and moved to Abuja. I met one of his friends who accommodated me in Abuja and we were intimate. Not because I loved him but I just allowed it cos I had no where to go ..I was kinda paying him back with s*x.
My boyfriend heard about it and called me. I did not deny. He begged me to come back and I did after like 9 months in Abuja. I came back to join him in Lagos but I found out that he too had a lady he was casually dating while we broke up and the lady did not want to leave him when we got back together.
This lady became the cause of our quarrel everyday. I wanted to revenge on him for making me come back to Lagos where his side chick will not want to leave us alone. I slept with my former colleague and he found out from our text messages. Things became worse. He would sleep with his side chic while I sleep with any guy just to get back at him.
We both love each other so much that no matter how much we hurt each other,we cannot stay away from each other. Last year,we both travelled his place for a wedding. At the wedding,we had a fight and slept with one of his cousins out of anger. I wanted him to break up with me finally and leave me alone once and for all.
But he bundled me into the car and drove back to Lagos. My boyfriend has proposed to me several times,I have turned him down but we are still together. We see other people when we get angry with each other but we always get back together.
Its been 9 years. This relationship is neither going back or forward. I feel like no matter how much we hate each other,….we love each other so much ..that we do not want to stay with other people. This is not how normal people behave. Some might say we fit each other but I fear that one day,we will kill each other out of anger or hate and love.
Few days ago,I got back from work and met him with another lady in our bed. I pulled the lady out and beat her blue. We quarreled and instead of me using my brain to leave him,I ended up sleeping with him just few hours after he was just f*cking another woman.
He has cloned my phone. We suspect each other. We abuse each other. Yet,if anything is happening to any one of us,we will defend each other to the least. Our families are tired of us. I am going to be 30 in November,I would really like to settled down. But the only man I love ….like really love is this my boyfriend….
Today,we fight and make up because we are not married…if we get married tomorrow…if we fight and break up..is this how we will be like too? Why cant we let each other go?I have asked God to have mercy and deliver us from this unhealthy relationship…we both know that we are crazy but we do not know how to stay away.
My boyfriend has even said,even if we both get married to other people ,we will still be cheating with each other….and he is right…when am with another man…I am thinking of him…is this really our destiny? I need advise…not insults please…I know this is not right …that is why I am asking for help…
Anonymous Lively Stones Facebook Fan
Photo Credit:gottman
I wud advice you and your boyfriend part ways. You guys are not compatible.. You should have seen that since… Love only is not enough…
And you should stop the issue of cheating to get back at ur partner… U are only losing ur value and not actually getting back at him.. Respect ur body
I honestly don’t think this is Love, Love don’t behave like this,so stop deceiving yourselves.. You guys are not married yet, y do u define other girls as side chicks, what makes u think Ur not the side chick?
I’m just speechless . Cheating is the only way you guys get back at each other ?
Hello young lady, the observation is that you both are full of youthful exuberant and you are trying to explore. The truth is that you both have made mistakes that need to be corrected, if that cannot be corrected this year , I’m afraid what you both are sharing is lust.
Even with the kind of exposure you both have gotten , cheating on the other partner will never stop. I won’t also be surprised if the guy is planning to be married to another lady without you knowing , cos ,sleeping with his friend and cousin will forever be fresh in his memory.
Check out the changes you can put in place this year but if not , it is better to find another person and live a real life of good morals. Because age is no longer on your side.
This relationship is toxic. Love is not enough, please go your separate ways.
You both need help..normal people don’t behave like this..call on God sincerely and you will receive help for your soul.
This is not good enough, the earlier you desist from sleeping around including sleeping with your boyfriend the better for you.There is no love in that relationship, you have to leave that boy alone so that the real man will locate you,9years is not a joke and see how old you would be turning very soon, you have to learn to love yourself my dear,it is well with you.Move out from his apartment as soon as possible, afterall he is not married to you so why live with him in the first place?
Thanks for being honest !
You and your boyfriend should go your separate ways for now, ask God to work on your lives…forgives and heals you…. allow Him to guide your life.
You will be received and be blessed with peace of mind.
Honestly, God Only is your Solution !
This is Lust and not Love!!!!
9 years is a long time to do a merry go round with your emotions and with your story it never ends well.
Its best if you both part ways if you both heed because it is seeming like you both are heading of a covenant relationship that is toxic already.
The more you both are stuck with each other you won’t both won’t find Mr and Mrs right.
You both should separate for your sanities sakes!!!
Make hay while the sun shines,there’s light at the end of the tunnel!
This is crazy my dear please you need to go very far away from him change ur sim nd the state you are start afresh nd seek for God help
You guys are just playing with your lives. No maturity, No plan, No growth.
You are not working towards anything but rather acting on impulses and behaving childishly.
Firstly, you need to man and woman up and take actions for your responsibility. Your life is not only about you, you can’t go about messing with other people in the name of “revenge”.
Secondly, are you not afraid of catching diseases and spreading it to others.
Thirdly, you as a lady didn’t draw the line at all, you even slept with the Guy’s cousin?
Both of you should stay away from each other and from entering other relationships until you can define what you truly want for yourself as an individual. Discover yourself as an individual not focusing on the other person. find your true identity, who are you? Then you will know the kind of man you want.
As it is now, you people are taking things as a joke or fun, things can go bad to the extent of death.
Stop this deadly game, stay away from each other and define yourself.
The two of you should go for counseling session with a reputable marriage counselor. You need help beyond mere words. You should also consider going for deliverance too. You are entangled to each other inspite of the mess. It is deeper than words could cure. Seek counseling and deliverance. It is well.
U mistaken lust for love, let’s assume u Married to d guy, is that how u keep getting back at each other? U guys re not compatible..
This relationship is so unhealthy, what i see here is lust not love. You both are not suitable for each other. I would advice you both go your separate ways.
Firstly, using S.e.x with other guyz to get back at ur so called bf is nothing but act of Irresponsible. You are only doing yourself. Also you but are obsessed and that is not live. You are both engrossed in the S.e.x you give to each other and that make imyou to think u cant leave him. When we preached NO MARRIAGE NO S.e.x this is one of the reason.
The only solution is to totally and absolutely stay away from him..if possible relocate to another state and seek the face of God for a new life. Mind you ..you are not married to you….so the language of side chick is no valid…both of u are same.
Just seek God face he is ever ready to accept you as you are.
Both of you are not in love what is keeping you people is the way you furk yourselfs that is why when you are not together you will be thinking of each other seriously you should quit.
Break every communication ties with him because the more you two are still together, it’ll be difficult to meet someone.
I’ll suggest you give yourself some break and focus on becoming a better you.
Ask God for his forgiveness and for forgive yourself as well. May God direct you
What a drag
This is not love tbh and you both are just not compact able even after 9yrs of dating. U both are subjects to your anger and as to that u let your emotions of hatred get the better part of you
My dear u can find a better man who loves you without blemish and provocation, leave that relationship and have peace of mind
You have endured pain enough, both if you need to leave even if it means a force, u two have no control over your ager issues. Pls leave and have peace
Both of you need Jesus and serious 1 year deliverance. Kilode!!!
Hello,
This is clearly an abusive relationship. Both of you are not good for each other.
You hurt each other and you allow each other to engage in bad habits.
For your own good…loose his number. Relocate and never contact him again.
That is not a healthy way to live. He is not your destiny. He is your addiction and its time to grow up and let him stop controlling your life.
You deserve way better. Clean up your life and star afresh.
Right now, you are living below yoru full potential. What could have caused this? Perhaps you want to pray and ask God to help you find your way? You can also try therapy.
Something is wrong somewhere…this is not how to live successfully.
I pray you find the courage to make a change in your life once and for all.
I wish you all the best.
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