Betrayal! How Do I Come Out Of This Messy Marriage When A Child Is Involved?
ADVICE NEEDED
Please hide my identity.
I got married to a man with a kid but the kid was with the mother. Before I got married to him, I made enquiries and it was true that they divorced. The lady’s dad brought back the things that holds a marriage to the guys family that he doesn’t want him to be his inlaw again due to some problems between the guy and the lady. The lady also refused to come back to the marriage after several attempts by church leaders. She even went ahead and took confession with the priest and was taking communion.
I was then convinced that the guy was single and got married to him but I told that any day the lady will come back into the marriage, I will leave him that particular day. But he promised me it will never happen in front of my people and his people.
After the traditional wedding, I asked him to let us bless our marriage in a simple manner (after morning mass) and he said he will do but never did. I also decided to protect myself from becoming pregnant to observe as to the lady will come back to the marriage but she refused. I then decided to to become pregnant and and gave birth to a son. 6months after delivery, as we were preparing to bless our marriage, my husband went and impregnated his ex wife again and was to rediary her. The family stood against it but he hid and rediared the lady.
The pain was unbearable for me. The betrayal was too much for me as he told me how bad the lady was to him and his family. I decided to divorce him but he came pleading that it was a mistake and he did that just to be able to claim ownership of his first son with the lady. The family also intervened with pleadings and I also considered my son and was still in the marriage. Since 2019 till now, I never have peace in that marriage.
Initially I thought it was truly a mistake but the way things are going, it seems they planned it together.
Any time we get a little quarrel he just takes it high and switched to the other lady. All he now sees is that if I leave him, he will not lose anything.
I am in pain. There is no blessed day I will not share tears. I do think divorce is the best solution but when I do think that my son will be separated from me one day, it’s always hard for me to take that step. I am just deteriorating everyday. The more I try pulling myself together, the weaker I become. I don’t know what to do please I need your advice.
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Madam, for your peace and sanity, please leave that marriage. You can’t remain there and develop a heart attack, if in this case, who will then take care of your son. That man does not respect nor value you.
Take to a family lawyer who can help you with clarity on all that is happening. Or reach out to NGO’s that support women in abusive marriages. Don’t suffer in silence, there is help for you.
I feel dearest sister you already felt it that it didn’t fit right…….always watch out for men who end up in messy breakup with their spouse you will find out that mostly the man is toxic…..you didn’t do your findings well or you did but was ignorant……he has his ex at heart …if not you wouldn’t hear of any attachment again….him telling you its a mistake his just proving that he takes you for a fool……who sleeps with a lady and and she gets pregnant and you say its a mistake….. Which kind mistake……. There’s women’s organization called fIDA …if your son is the issue you are still thinking of way out …they will help fight for your right he can’t take the child …..decide what you really want o…..to be part of polygamy……every minute full of tears…..sister you are precious and deserve better …..peace unto your soul as you decide
Leave the marriage now that you are still alive before it kills you. Equip yourself with something no matter how small you start. Whenever you are in the capacity to adequately take care of your son, go for him even if it means involving lawyers or something of that nature.
Pls madam my advice to you is to pray alot and be calm wai pls God knows the best.
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