True Life Story: I Am Afraid Of Loosing My Baby Mama But She Gave Me A Impossible Condition
Hi Lively Stones,
Your last post inspired me to write my story. (Click hereto read the story that inspired this). I need advice because I am afraid of loosing my baby mama who I am in love with despite all we have both been through. So, many years ago, I met Ego (not real name). She was sweet and very young. I was a young guy living like most guys my age, just experimenting, not really ready to settle down. Ego came from a very nice background and was very smart but shy. I met her in the library, I was doing my masters but she was in 200 level at the time. Both studying Accounting. We became friends, she made me really see life from a different perspective, she made me happy and I fell in love with her.
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Ego is the only woman who has truly loved me for who I am. We dated briefly but she got pregnant and I was not prepared to be a father then. I panicked and she panicked when I brough tup abortion as an idea. Unfortunately, she told her parents who are very religious, they rejected the idea of abortion. So, Ego stopped school for a year, to have the baby. In my own way, I contributed to the upkeep of the baby. She returned to school a year later. I was still in my child’s life financially…I tried to get with Ego romantically but she was not ready because she knew I had a girlfriend.
In fact, the girl I was dating, was Ego’s course mate. I did not mean to but when Ego was out of school….I kept bumping into this girl and we had an affair. I broke it off after Ego found out but she never forgave me. Plus that Ego has refused to have any sort of relationship until she finished school. So, I finished my masters and moved on with my life. Since then, I have been in a couple of relationships but none have been long term like that.
My last relationship was one that I thought was going to be the one. We dated for almost two years. The lady loved me and encouraged me, she was great, understanding and supportive. But I realized I have a way of messing up good things. Her friends were ogling at me behind her back. Women should not trust their friends, especially those ones pretending to be happy in their marriages.
My girl trusted her best friend cos she was happily married, always posting happy social media photos of her husband and children. But every opportunity she had, behind her friend’s back….she was flirting with me. I tried to resist but she was aggressive…it started from innocent touching before it ended in a full blown affair. We got so engrossed and became careless…her husband caught us in their house…not my finest moment…I h@ted myself for that but the husband told my girlfriend and she could not bear it. She broke off. I regret loosing that my relationship.
Since then, I have not met any girl worth my while. I am not getting any younger…I want o settle down but you see these city girls, they are all fake. Last February, my son with Ego clocked 5 years and we three a milestone birthday party for him. After the birthday, I realized Ego has become a bit relaxed around me…so I took a hint and tried to get close to her again. I realize she was still in love with me…I was her first…seems she still had feelings for me but when I tried to pursue those feelings, she stated that she cannot be with me cos she does not want to have s3x with any man who isn’t her husband.
To me, I have known Ego for six years, she is the mother of my child and she is very smart and beautiful. I could see myself marrying her so I asked her if she would like to marry me. Ego said never. That I am a serial womanizer. I felt hurt but she was right. I have tried to stop womanizing but even when I try to stay away from trouble…trouble still finds a way to look for me. I gave myself a target to stay celibate for six months…but I could not survive a month…so I have accepted my faith…maybe its who I am…I love s3x with different women but I also want love, a woman who will love me despite my faults.
Few weeks ago, I was chatting with Ego. I was truly feeling her…she and I are kind of best friends now…without any benefits if course….lol. I just blurted and started begging her to marry me. Ego was like she knows I can’t change and she loves me alot. So, she will marry me on one condition: that condition is, we get married, have one or two more children and then I will go have a mastectomy procedure, so that even if I sleep with any woman in future…there will not be unwanted pregnancies involved.
I laughed when she told me her condition and told her it can never happen. Haba…how can I do that…it will make me feel less of a man na….but she said that is the only condition. Last week, I found out Ego went on a date with someone…a guy that has been asking her out but she refused…when I asked Ego why she finally went out with him…she said she cannot continue to wait for me forever…that while she loves me…she is getting old and cannot wait for me to change so she is giving this guy a chance.
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Omo…since I found out Ego is trying to move on …I have been restless. I mean…the guy is great for her…he is cool and has been patient…plus I don’t want any step dad for our son. This is an opportunity for me to build a family with a woman who loves me and accepts me the way I am….I don’t know many women who would know their men are hopeless cheats and still love them….So, I have been thinking…would it be such a bad idea to do the mastectomy that Ego wants? Should I sacrifice my fertility for our future? I mean, she did not say I cannot be with other women, she just wants assurance that she will be the only one to have my children…is that a fair deal? Should I accept the deal?
What would you advise me? I love Ego…I need to act fast before she falls out of love with me and falls in love with her new guy. Ego is good for me…my family and friends love her….they have been telling me not to waste time with her before someone steals her away from me. Should I do what she wants to win her? A small price to pay for a woman you love and a future you want right?Men in the house,…also women, what do you think of this condition?…Please help me.
Anonymous
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Dear poster,stop womanizing,be focused!
Don’t try what Ego is asking you to do,tell her No…..
If she’s not ready to marry you ,that is,if you’ve promised to change from your dirty habit of womanizing, then she can go her seperate way …
Talk about your son’s well-being with her and make sure you’re involved in his life
Dear Poster,
It’s a bad place to be when you are so selfish and concerned about how it benefits you without thinking of your partner.
You are scared of loosing Ego because you feel she loves you despite knowing you cheat. She loved you before finding out about your cheating lifestyle. Love doesn’t fade easily and being your baby mama also makes it easier to wish to stick with you for her.
So, don’t think it’s easy to accept to be in your life with such a lifestyle.
Stop babysitting yourself that it’s your forever weakness. Such habit definitely will need God and discipline to break it completely.
You’ve tried on your own, now give it a trial with God and an accountability partner.
If you love Ego like you claim, you will give up cheating.
What Ego asked for isn’t a sweet condition and I won’t support you to do it.
You are thinking of doing it because you don’t want her to be with a better man and be happier.
You have the right to take your son with you so she can face her new man since you don’t want a stepdad for him.
So, stop being dramatic and fix your life.
There is no habit we can’t stop in this life.
If you livey Ego be a better person. Her fear isn’t just pregnancy outside the marriage but there’s diseases and constant hurting of your woman.
If you love her, let her go or change to be suitable for the happy home you desire.
Cheers!
You are not good for her. Ego deserves a well behaved man. Sir! Please find your type, a serial cheat that compliments you.
Can you marry a woman who is a serial cheat and have her go for a tubal ligation after giving birth to all her kids just because you don’t want to father another man’s child?
Leave Ego alone so that when you contract the disease you have been longing for, you will not afflict an innocent woman.
I wonder how a master’s degree holder is so irresponsible. Illiterates are really doing better with being faithful and dedicated to their families.
Couldn’t agree more. So much for a whole master’s holder. That Ego is better off with another man,this one here will mess her peaceful and quiet life with constant treatment of STIs or even AIDS. Btw STIs In women can lead to cervical cancer. I just read that somewhere recently. God should help that Ego to make a wise decision for herself.
All I can see in you is SELF, SELF, SELF.
Do you EVER think of someone else? Their feelings and position?
You are after how you will be rendered impotent. How her condition to marry you will affect YOU, how about her? Do you ever think of how she is affected?
Do you ever pause in this your riotous kind of living to think of the danger you put yourself into? Do you even want to live long?
You have gotten to a stage that you cannot help yourself. You find it difficult to stop because you are no longer in control of your life.
At this point, you need help. ONLY GOD CAN HELP YOU NOW. You need to give your life to Christ to be FREE. All your resolutions and determination to stop womanising by your power is just a waste of time.
If you want to live long and have a happy life and home, cry to God to deliver you. Your life first.
It is when you are free that your life can have meaning. That is when you can talk of settling down to marry. And if Ego is still available by then, good luck.
“For God so love the world, that he gave his only begotten son…”, so why can’t you give up ur only cheating habit, I see u don’t love Ego enough. U want to chance on her love for you and also use you son to pin her down. But she is smartter as u rightly said.
Please, seek the face of God and change for the better, if not for Ego, but for yourself and the future.
Dear poster
As much as I would encourage you to uphold healthy habits and lifestyle in your relationship, I won’t advice you to do mastectomy either.
The main point you should understand is this Cheating is rarely a reflection of your love for your partner. It’s a reflection of who you are. People who cheat are usually those dealing with something deeper they aren’t willing to work through, and instead use others as an escape rather than doing the hard work to fix their personal issues.
Love is not just something you feel for someone, but a something you actively do. If you love someone, your actions demonstrate that love. That means it’s possible to love someone even though you may not, at the moment, feel that love. Cheating is one of the most selfish and destructive things you can do to an individual that has committed to you, opened up to you, trusted you, and become vulnerable with you.
While you may feel love for that person, your cheating demonstrates how little value you place on that person and your relationship regardless of how you feel towards that person.
Yes, people make mistakes. Cheating, however, is not one of them. There are a lot of different things that lead up to cheating and almost all of them are things that, if acknowledged honestly, lead further down the path to cheating. There is plenty of time and opportunity to get off that path before cheating occurs. To continue down that path is to show anything but love for your partner. By the time the act of cheating has occurred, there has usually been a long line of failures to demonstrate love for your partner by avoiding things that have led that far. You can’t truly love someone and be open to that kind of temptation, no matter what you tell yourself.
Those who do not know what love is think they can abuse it – and blur the lines in their hearts. Love is demanding. Love is like God, jealous and demanding commitment – It is powerful and sweeps away all that detracts from it. Lucky for us feeble things is love is forgiving. But forgiving does not mean staying with someone who cheats love. Love is goodbye to all that is unworthy of the name with no malice. Just go your own way. Because Love is loyal and has no room or heart for self destruction.
You cannot truly love someone and cheat on them you either be willing and ready to love ego or let her go in peace.
Best wishes
I don’t think you deserve Ego, you will pay hurt her. Let her live her life in peace. You are only jealous because you see she is moving on. While she was single, you didn’t do all your best to have her just because you see that she is liking someone else, you want to hold her back.
She is a decent lady and you know that, please don’t mess up her life. She gave you a chance earlier even go pregnant but you didn’t use it. Let her go. Free her!