True Life Story: How Do I Separate My Relationship From This Entanglement?
Hello Lively Stones,
Is it possible to love someone so much, that even though you want to move on from them, you have done all you can to love on from them…yet, you can’t? I need advice. My name is Vera (not real name). I am 28 years old. I am a Nigerian but lived all my life in Ghana. When I finished degree, my Uncle, my father’s brother invited me to come to Nigeria to work and to get to know my father’s people and culture. My dad passed when I was young, I grew up with my mom when she remarried and went to Ghana with her husband.
The day I landed Nigeria, I was picked up at the airport by my Uncle’s head of security and protocol. Jeez….I fell in love at first sight. Tall, dark and handsome. I literally could not breathe through out the ride to my Uncle’s place at Ikoyi. This guy, Femi is so hot, and so cool. We later became friends when I started staying with my Uncle. When I was going anywhere, he was the one to take me out since I did not know my way around. We got really close and hes quite friendly.
I could not hold my feelings after like two months, I had to shoot my shot. I told him I liked him alot and since he was single, I wanted to be his girlfriend. He was taken aback because I think Nigerian girls dont ask a guy out…its like a taboo…they usually get asked out by the guys. But I wanted him. Femi laughed and told me he can’t date me cos I am related to his boss…so its like out of his boundaries. I did not let that put me down.
I kept trying to get Femi’s attention up to seven months later, I got my own apartment and moved into my place. That was when Femi felt a bit free to respond to my advances. Femi is my weakness. The guy knows how to handle his woman I swear. Our relationship had to be a secret one cos he said my Uncle can never find out. Myself and Femi have been together for over a year now. I love him and he loves me…I have told him I am ready to let my Uncle know about us…yet he keeps saying no.
I felt like..there is something Femi is not telling me…I know my uncle…he would not really mind that I am dating his employee. So, I insisted and that was when Femi told me that its not really my Uncle that is the issue but my Uncle’s wife. That the woman has a crush on him. That they had a thing before I came on the scene …that if she finds out that he broke up with her cos of me…she will make sure he gets fired.
To me, that is crazy…I was upset that Femi was f*cking my Uncle’s wife…this woman that is always pretending to carry bible on her head…advising me to keep myself until marriage…bla bla bla…..but I don’t blame Femi…its my Uncle’s wife…real hypocrite…the guy is so finnnnnnnnnnnneeeee…hes like dark chocolate….like a god! So, I told him, that he should not be afraid of losing his job cos if Aunty fires him, I will expose her to my Uncle. Soon as I mentioned that….Femi vehemently refused. He said, if I do that…..not only will he lose his job, my Uncle’s marriage will be threatened and my Aunty will never forgive me.
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That was when I started suspecting Femi isn’t telling me the whole truth. If he really loves me like I love him….he would not be preventing me from telling my Uncle about us. I feel my Aunty should actually be ashamed to want to stand in our way cos that would mean she would be exposed as a married woman f*cking her husband’s employee. I got fed up and told Femi to choose….me or my Aunty…he told me I was being childish and I told him to go f*ck himself.
That was in November last year. As hard as it was, I decided not to be a pun in Femi and my Aunty’s game. I was really heartbroken. Made me hate my Aunty…I stopped taking her calls or even visiting the house. I wanted really bad to move on but I cannot. Femi has not made it easy either….he has refused to leave me alone….he shows up at my place and all my defenses are down.
The thing is: I am deeply in love with Femi. What do I do to either forget him or convince him to let me talk to my Uncle and take our chances on how my Auntie will react? Do you think Femi is playing me? Maybe he is still f*cking my Auntie and me? I have heard some stories about Nigerian guys…How do I know what is his real intentions? Please advise me…I can’t …I have tried….I can’t stop loving Femi. Sometimes, I feel like running back to Ghana.
Anonymous
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Are you sure what you feel for Femi is love?
Please move on, Femi is not a guy you should love or date,he will do same thing he is doing to your uncle to you.
Move on and get a more responsible guy,look beyond looks,how he satisfies you on bed and all that. Stop being childish and immature,don’t judge your aunt, you only heard from Segun, remember…
Pick her calls please,she is still your uncle’s wife
God bless you
Your uncle is going to regret bringing you to Nigeria after you successfully ruin his marriage and you’ll later find out femi is not a good reason to lose anything or anyone for. Why do you just get to Nigeria and the next thing it’s man wahala? Now you are hating your aunty because of a one-sided story. Nawah oo…
Please find a better purpose for being in Nigeria and leave femi alone. The only thing you’ve said about him is being tall dark and handsome – that’s shallow. Focus on something more relevant and don’t ruun your relationship with your uncle and his wife just because they brought you to Nigeria… Better still go back to Ghana and leave them alone.
Dear writer,
Has much as it is difficult to let go of what you feel for Femi, that’s how had it is for Femi to tell your aunty you are his choice.
You have no idea what they had and still have together.
Sometimes, people love you so much but are not meant to be with you because they are not good enough for where you are going.
Emotions will dwindle and a new person will show up.
Trust me, Femi isn’t worth the sweat.
Don’t go for your personal interest and hurt your uncle.
Your concern should be to pray that your uncle don’t get affected by their affair in anyway.
How to move on is to tell yourself your happiness lie in your hands. You are good and Lovable. Someone that will appreciate and want to be with you will show up and make sacrifices to be with you.
Femi knows you can’t resists him cos you love more than he does. Talk to yourself.
Relocate to another area or return to Ghana.
Stop every form of communication with Femi.
Your heart will be okay when you make friends and refocus on other interesting things.
Don’t push further. Let Femi go.
You can’t be going for who isn’t ready.
You may soon loose your self-esteem and be a puppet in Femi’s hand.
All the best.