Am I About To Make A Wrong Marital Choice?
Please I need your help or view point in this matter. Am I just over reacting at is this a red flag to which I need to run far away from?
My current boo asked me out for like one and half year, it was like it’s either me or no one else. His friends and bosses in his office had to speak to me to consider him as I might be missing a good man and how crazy he is about me.
I finally accepted.
I decided to move in with him after a while just to see what marriage to him would feel like with him. I have stayed a year with him and it’s void of s*x and kissing.
When I came he would say they should put on the gen anytime there was no light for me and all, he was sweet.
With time he started complaining that he was buying all the food in the house and I wasn’t contributing as much as he wants.
He eats about 5 times a day while I eat twice or one and half times (fruit, oat and pap) a day because me I am watching my weight.
He would complain the milk he bought had finished and all…and it was with some level of anger or bitterness about buying the food stuff.
Pls note that I consume 25% – 30% of all he eats.
I later started buying my milk to avoid issues since I knew that’s what I consume most (with my oat or pap) which makes one of my meal for the day but he was angry about me buying it separately but I did that because I felt there would be peace that way. I would still buy milk and keep and he can say I am using more than he is using inside the milk
He complained about repairs (light), complained about buying dstv subscription, nepa light payment etc. You just list any house thing he started complained about doing it.
I on my path do contribute the way I spent before I came to stay with him. (I wasn’t a huge spender as I eat very small food) and so my money use to remain which he used to borrow from me when we werent together.
We had a him 60k and me 40k arrangement for food fuel light etc but we never put it together and so each week I did ensure I spend 10k. But apparently he wasn’t seeing it. I would come from market and he would say what is all this, this is worth 5k. It use to hurt so much because I wld show him the list but he would still say this same thing. I have never asked him how much he bought things if he goes to market talk less if say it’s not up to a certain amount.
He said later that he can’t marry a woman who works and won’t contribute for light, food, repair, gen etc….
So even today we contributed for dstv 4700, I paid half and he paid half.
It looks sort of absurd and a no no to me
Yesterday he bought apples 800 naira and I paid half and he paid half….
And so that’s how the current life would be….
I contributed to the rent also but he said no… that he would “dash me” rent. I shouldn’t pay so I won’t come tomorrow and say I contributed to the house rent. I even said ok use the money for food and other things you complain about, but he said he won’t collect it under the umbrella of house rent that never.
I see it upside down for a man to be saying he is paying rent and see it that he is dashing me. When I can pay my rent by myself and he knows fully well. If I was living alone the same way he has been living alone, won’t I do my repair, dstv subscription etc without asking anybody? So why is it a big deal the moment I stepped in? This are things if my friend came to live with me to God who made me I would do/ take responsibility for because the dstv subscription I would have paid for before won’t change with your presence…the only thing that may change is water and food and so if they contributed it would go towards that.
This is dating phase, please what marriage would become of this.
Am I the one at fault?
I need honest reviews so I can know if I am having problem and if I need to work on myself or if I need to run.
My parents marriage wasn’t like this my dad bought food and mum did other investments for the family or so and it was never an issue or was there a specific fight that you, you are not buying enough milk on the house or I can’t see d 10k food u said you just bought…it doesn’t look it etc.
He would also say me I want to be saving my money and all.
Pls what’s d way forward or backward married folks, married men and women, what am I not seeing that you can see?
Source:Nairaland
Photo Credit:Healthscopemag
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Move out from that house this minute,how can you live with a man who has not done the needful and yet complaining of little things like dstv,utility bills payment? If you really love him and want him to be your husband, you have to set things straight right now,I mean now. There are things he should take care of without been told or needs your assistance to do. Set everything straight right now,make everyone know their levels abeg. Move out this minute, you are blessed.
It’s wrong for you to move in to man’s house who is not your husband.. but with your write up I’ll say this guy is toxic and not good enough for you pleas. Leave that relationship right away…. I understand a woman should contribute in home but the approach from the man must be right…. You guys will have a lots of issues in marriage
Hi, as a man let me explain what I think is wrong with him.
You said he persuaded you for over a year, so he obviously had lot of thoughts about you, like you are an angel, etc.
Now he has realised you are human like every other person and he is so immature to understand no one is an angel, we are all humans. So he expresses his frustration on you, for not being all he has thought of, but he will never tell you.
My advice is leave him, he is immature. Immature men aren’t good fathers.