Bad Luck Is Always Following My Marriage-I Am Loosing My Sanity
I would like to remain anonymous. I am in a dilemma and I need your candid advise cos I am about to loose my sanity completely. I do not know what I have done to deserve this. I am not lucky in marital life. I am beginning to think someone is after my life. Maybe its spiritual, but some how, my life martially is just so doomed.
At age 23, I had a lot of suitors. I was having the time of my life and soon as I graduated I got married to my boyfriend who did not want to loose me to the many men coming for my hand in marriage. I have always wanted to get married early because I wanted to have my children early to maintain my youthful figure.
However, my marriage was troubled right from the wedding day. My husband and I quarreled over flimsy matters. When I think of it, I think he was having insecurities and wanted to dominate me to make feel powerless to him. He always shouted at me and abused me. This is someone who was treating me like an egg when he was asking me to marry him.
Our marriage was full of emotional abuse and because of that, I was not happy. He was very impatient with me, he wanted a baby very fast but because I was hurt, I felt withdrawn from him. Next thing, my husband would forcefully have s*x with me, I felt raped several times. I was unhappy.
As a result of how bad things were between me and my husband, I went on contraceptive without telling him. After one year of marriage, marriage of shouting and fighting, his family became infuriated that a young girl like me is yet to be pregnant after one year. They also became a thorn in my flesh. They accused me of cheating on my husband when I went for NYSC and that my secret lover and I were still together.
My parents were not happy with my marriage situation and one day, after I called my dad crying, he came and packed my things out of my husband’s house. That was like 18 months after marriage. My parents were afraid I would die from the constant abuse and harassments.
I filed for a divorce and it took almost two years to complete the process. Since then, I have been praying to God to give me my own husband; someone who would love me and care for me and respect me. Last year, a friend of mine introduced me to a very wealthy family friend of theirs.
This man is rich and a very good Christian but he is a divorcee. My parents did not like the idea but me too, a divorcee, I felt its better to marry someone who has been through similar situation like you. We both dated for one year and it was amazing but there was no s8x.
As Christians, we decided to honor God and wait until after marriage. After marriage, on wedding night, I was ready for my husband to make love to me. I dressed s*xy , ready to get down to business cos I have not had s8x since my divorce. But I was disappointed as my husband told me he was tired that night.
I cried myself to sleep. I was angry and I gave him silent treatment even next day. He too did not make any attempt to touch me. By the third day, I could not hold myself and I made a move, we kissed and cuddled and I was waiting for the main thing but he seemed not to be hard. I was surprised.
I went down on him ,gave him oral and all kinds of tricks just so his thing can stand but it didn’t. I was like, what is happening here. He seemed frustrated too …he said maybe he had too many sugary drinks. That is how one week passed and we didn’t have s*x.
Immediately it hit me, this man has an erectile dysfunction. I went online to read about it and every symptom fit my husband’s symptoms. I confronted him and demanded to know what was going on ….he still acted like he was unaware, so I threatened to tell everyone.
That was when he asked me to sit down and he wanted to tell me something. He said yes, I am right, that he has a problem, that he cannot have an erection. That he has done several things including surgery but nothing has worked. I asked if that was why his last marriage didn’t work , he said yes.
Hmm,by this time, I was running mad, abusing him for deceiving me into marrying an impotent man. He said he is not impotent. That his sperm is actually active but he just cannot have an erection. That he met a specialist who told him that he can still have children but it will be by IVF, that they have a method of extracting the sperm into a woman for pregnancy.
I calmed down after hearing that. My husband assured me that he can father children. I cried o. But I have entered the marriage so I asked him, what will happen to me, does that mean,I will never enjoy penetrative s*x with my own husband? My husband got me a vibrator and asked me to feel free to use it anytime I was feeling horny. That we can still have a happy marriage and children if we just find other ways to achieve it.
See, I am gradually loosing my sanity. I feel trapped. He has been begging me to forgive him…I have forgiven him but vibrator is not the same as the real thing. I am only 28 years old, is this what I will endure for the rest of my life? Yes, we can try the IVF when we are ready to have children but s*x is not only for procreation. Its for connection …its intimacy. I want a big hard c*rk inside me not a machine.
If I tell my parents this, they might ask me to divorce again. And this will be my second divorce under age 30…who will marry a two time divorcee? Wont they think I am the problem? Who has cursed me not to be happy martially? What have I done to deserve this? My mother already got prayer that someone was against me martially but we fasted and prayed for almost 40 days.
In my frustration, I told my husband that he was selfish not to tell me his condition before we married. I told him if I cheat on him, he cannot blame me. Calmly, he responded that he will not be mad if I cheated on him, that I can do whatever makes him happy but that he thought the love I had for him, the love we both have will overcome whatever challenge we find….that he will stand by me in sickness and in health and he expects the same from me.
Can you imagine the self righteousness? So, in sickness and in health does that include not being able to f*ck your wife? And which man in his right mind gives his wife permission to cheat? I feel this sacrifice is too big to carry…I love my husband … his kind heart…he cares truly but he should have told me so I could have decided if I would have married him or not and God knows, I would not have married him.
I need your advise…how do I go about this matter? Should I remain and continue being unhappy with a vibrator just to save shame of second divorce or should I move on and try a third time? Will the third marriage work? Or this thing that is bringing bad luck, will it follow me to the third marriage?
I really need advise….my mental sanity is really bad right now.
Anonymous
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Sorry for going through all of these at your young and beautiful age. This is to kindly tell you that no one is after you maritally, there is no bad luck following you, you only made wrong choices in marriage, that’s all.
You got married pretty early, the exposure to some certain things where not there,you weren’t really matured for marriage, there was no orientation from anyone who ought to have lectured you and told you what is involved in marriage. Firstly, your beauty made you feel you were ready for marriage when your first husband came around,you didn’t get to know him well before saying the big YES.
Secondly, you didn’t learn from your first marriage, you married him because he had money, his family were rich right and that also made you not to do thorough findings about him,as christians did you not attend marriage class for 6months in your church? Where tests not carried out? In my own time,all tests were done by the church,we were not allowed to go to our own hospital for any test.
My dear without wasting much of your time,that marriage cannot work,never. It is better you separate for the second time and be happy than stay in a miserable,loveless,and prickless marriage, prickless means no rod,the man no fit do the do. When you will be getting married for the third time,do not allow beauty and money come in between, be intentional with your choice. It is well with you
Hello Sister, this is sad, if it was he can have erection and not impregnate a lady, thats a different case, but he can’t have erection, honestly I’m lost, you can get across Heritage Men’s clinic,
Suite 6 & 7, Motoways Plaza, Opposite 7UP Factory, Ikeja, Lagos, +234 903 005 2002.
My dear Sister, pls exercise patience and stop using dildo, its a S.e.x ideas from hell, your husband can use his fingers for the main time, I know you are really pained but if you can exercise patience.. But wait oo, something struck my mind now, your husband maybe diabolical, you said he is rich, my rest Sister, there are men who gave to give up their manhood to keep getting richer, it happens oo, Dear sister, see a genuine man of GOD to pray and tell you the cause of your husband’s problem, pls this suggestion I made may the actual issue, because I don’t think he is saying the truth oo, don’t tell him about it, just see a genuine man of GOD, I said genuine one oo not all those fake greedy ones. Pls do it sister, pls do it cos I have heard stories of men that give up manhood to get rich and maintain the riches. You gonna be fine.