Church Doctrine Wahala-Must We Marry In The Bride Mother’s Church?
Pls advise me.
The first thing I want to talk about is my own type of belief towards dating and marriage. I don’t date ladies for fun. I always date for marriage. I have dated only two ladies after my NYSC and those relationships ended badly.
The first one was older than me and my family were against it and the girl had to leave as she didn’t want in-law trouble during marriage even though I wanted to fight for her and change my family decision.
The second one too left me after her pastor told her a revelation that we are not compatible as couples. I tried to beg and convince her (for months) to stay and let’s pray over it but she didn’t listen. So since then I have been avoiding to date anybody anyhow again.
So issue here is that I met someone recently few months ago and we have gotten close to a stage where I can propose to date her but there is a small issue that I need advice on that will make me to decide whether I can date her or not.
The thing is that before she knew me, she used to go to this white churches (Cele) with her mother but after she complained to me that she was not growing spiritually in that church, I told her to switch to another church and she obeyed and started attending a pentecostal church. We don’t live in the same town, if not, it would have been a switch to my own church.
When we first started the friendship, I never had intention to date her before (even though I liked her and fancied her to be attractive enough), as I have always had it in mind never to date Cele / white garment church members as they do lot of nonsense in those type of churches, as I have been a member before for a shortwhile during NYSC and I have also heard so many stories from other people about their religious beliefs and practices.
But as we kept becoming closer, I started noticing her other good qualities as a wife material and she obeys and respects my words. And now that she is attending a different church, it even made me to start considering her as someone I could date since she wants it too but wants me to come out of my shell to tell her first, as I always tell her I am not yet ready to enter into a relationship with anybody.
So the question I want to ask is this, as I am a little inexperienced about this aspect.
“If she wants to get married to me in the future, is it compulsory that she must do the wedding in her mother’s white garment church or she has the right to decide to marry in her own new pentecostal church?” (Note: she has no father around. He abandoned she and her mother and remarried another wife when she was still a kid).
I am asking this question as I don’t know the actual church tradition involved about getting married in the bride’s church. Also apart from me having strong negative interest towards those going to white garment churches, my family will also be against it. So if I was to date this girl or fight for her if any issue should come up between her and my family, I don’t want it to be an issue over the type of church where the wedding will take place.
Pls I need matured advice as this is not really about a matter of love. It’s about a matter of interest and principles. I don’t want to make the mistake of entering into the relationship and then later breaking up with her due to this small issue. If there’s no possibility to avoid that white garment church, then I won’t ever bother to date her at all.
Anonymous
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N.B: Lively Stones does not share religious beliefs of her posters and does not discriminate against any religious group.
You never can know, if you don’t ask her. now is the right time to find answers certain questions you feel are disturbing.
you can always chip it in your discussions and ask her which church she would like to get married in. Her response will tell you if it’s okay with you.
i’ll recommend you get the Get Naked Questionnaire by Mute Efe
Firstly, you have not made up your mind and shown interest to date yet,you are still skeptical and still contemplating about the whole thing because of the kind of church involved.
Secondly, are you attracted to her? Do not get married to one you are not physically and spiritually attracted to. Have you found out why her father left her and the mother at that tender age? You already said you don’t like the nonsense that particular church does,and I believe the girl’s mother is a dedicated and committed member of that church,this means that the girl will always do what her mother says,remember you don’t know her father. So my brother, weigh the whole thing and see if you can cope ooo,don’t marry out of sympathy, don’t be overwhelmed by lust oooo,e get why? Pray and ask God for directions,it is well with your soul
Dear poster, I can deduce you are someone who knows what he wants.
My opinion is- If that lady was brought up in that white garment church she Wud 80% likely display the traits from that belief system.
If she’s the first child or first daughter, u ve got no choice than to wed her in the bride’s mother church.
Therefore, if you can’t condole this and more to come in marriage ( coz their belief system will always play) my brother kindly opt out.
I was once in a Similar situation, I even got engaged with the guy (Did introduction) despite the fact that d weding was to take place in my parents church (orthodox church) when wedding plan was initiated dey started coming up with different jagons associated with their church belief system, that was how i ran for my dear life coz nobody will bear my cross in marriage coz they asked me severally before agreeing to accept him.
Therefore, Yoruba pple Wud say, U can have a good wife but not a bad inlaw is advisable (D mum may turn to be a bad inlaw the moment she brings things or opinion which is against ur belief- na so trouble go take start) the wife will now be between 2 lovely pple in her life and wud end up dancing to the tune of the precious mother who brought her up in thick and thin when her father abandoned them.
Think deeper……..
Peace!!!!!!
I asked a female friend of mine that previously used to go to Celestial Church about this and she said it’s not compulsory to have a wedding in the mother’s church except if the lady in question wants to have the wedding in her mother’s church just to honour her.
Thus, Dear poster, you have to ask the lady in question about it as she is the only one who can clear the air for you. One more thing I will add to this is that, regardless of where you got married, the mother-in-law will still be able to influence her daughter – your wife, with her own church doctrines over things concerning your children or household affairs. For example, if after marriage, her mother told her to go fasting for 7 days, that they saw a bad vision in her church about your marital life, do you think the lady won’t do it and so many other examples like that especially when children come into play. So consider that part too before thinking of dating her.
It is well.