Help, My Marriage Is Struggling-My Wife No Longer Trust Me
Exactly two years ago, I failed my wife and broke our vows. I cheated on her with an ex who had been seriously disturbing me. What I didn’t do after marriage was to cut off this ex of mine. Angela (not real name), my ex is wild. She used to send me nu-d-es and tell me that I am her s8xual fantasy. So, even when she is with other men, she used to fantasize that she was with me. That kind of excited me and I enjoyed that s8xual excitement I got from her talking dirty to me and sending me dirty content.
By the time Angela invited me to meet her in a hotel, I had lusted so much after her, I was not thinking. I had s8x with her and even though it was exciting as I imagined, I immediately regretted it. It was like the spell of her was removed from my eyes. I ran away from her and decided to block her and never speak to her again. I prayed to God to also forgive me.
However, Angela was not done with me. She started looking for ways to communicate with me and continue the affair. When she realized, I blocked her on all platform, she slid into my wife DM and sent her all our chats and told her about the hotel incident. My wife was so broken. She cried and told me our marriage was over. I begged and begged. It took her almost 3months to talk to me again.
Its just that since then, my wife does not trust me anymore. Any small thing, she starts bringing up how I broke our vows. If I talk with any lady, I dare not mention it cos she will ask me what am I discussing with that woman. I stopped pass wording my phone, I gave her access to everyone and everything. Yet, she suspects every little move but I take it as the cross I will bear for my indiscretions.
The main issue now is this: my wife’s friend, an event planner, that planned our baby’s first birthday is flirting seriously with me. She started during our baby’s birthday in March. She helped my wife organize so many things for the birthday. When no one is looking, she tries to grab me and open her legs. I thought it was my imagination. But when she was leaving after the party, she cornered me and told me that I should stop playing hard to get …that she knows what I want and she can give it to me.
I told her to stop it or I will tell her friend. This woman told me, don’t be stupid. Are you not a man? Since then, because she has my number, she will be sending me dirty texts and telling me to stop dulling. And because I no longer password my phone, I try to delete the messages she sends before my wife sees it.
I became afraid that if my wife sees this before I tell her, she wont believe me. So, I gathered courage and told my wife. I told her because I wanted to be honest and I don’t want anything to hurt her again. To my surprise, my wife flared up. Shouting: Lanre, you have started again, you are a liar, a man slut, etc. I looked at her, me trying to explain, she didn’t even listen.
And to my uttermost disbelief, my wife believes that I am the one going after her friend and I am completely devastated. I just only told her, its ok. If you choose to believe your friend and not your husband who came to you and told you the truth. I leave everything to God. Since then, my wife is no longer sleeping with me. She can never trust me again.
And this her friend has since stopped sending those messages cos I suspect she knows my wife has found out and she probably told my wife that I am the one coming after her, so she does not want to leave any evidence behind. I am sad and I don’t know what to do. Please advise me cos my marriage is no longer a happy one. I have tried talking to my wife, my pastor has tried talking to her but she has refused to believe me.
Please what do I do? I may have done everything I need to do…even accept my fate but if my wife will no longer trust me or sleep with me, she might just be pushing me out to do what she is accusing me of. Then, she can truly blame me…will that be my fault? Please advise me. I really want things to go back to being normal between my wife and I…is that still possible?
Anonymous
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After all said and done sir please hold on to God and please be patient with her. She will come around just try and hold yourself in the bedroom aspect. Be calm all will be well
It is not easy for her to trust you again after what you did with your ex,how did your ex get your wife’s number in the first place? Anyway be faithful in all your ways,be honest in all you do. Keep talking to her,with time she will change only if you still remain faithful and there is no trace of infidelity on your side. It is well
Why would you delete those messages? You should have given her evidence not just inform her. Go to your archives, you may find some of the messages. So of us find it hard to trust again once trust is broken. Continue to be transparent and accountable. She will come around with time but you can’t force her to trust you. Just be transparent and set the necessary boundaries.
Your wife’s friend was flirting with you and you couldn’t block her, you even said this “even accept my fate but if my wife will no longer trust me or sleep with me, she might just be pushing me out to do what she is accusing me of. Then, she can truly blame me…will that be my fault?”, your wife is not responsible for your adultery, you are 100% responsible for it.