Good day ma,
I am happily married with children. I live in Port Harcourt. The issue is with my sister that lives in Lagos. We lost our mother years ago from heartbreak cos our father left her for another woman. Since then,I have been very protective of my sister even though she is older than me with one year. We are best friends. My sister got married to a younger man two years ago. She got married at age 42.
Before she got married, she was single for almost 8 years. We were praying for her to get married cos she is such a sweet soul.But she was unlucky in relationships. Until this man came and when she told me she was getting married to him, I had my concerns but I truly did not want to judge her but support her.
Besides, this guy, who was 34 years at the time seemed like a very good man. He treated her right. My sister was glowing and in love. We were all happy for her. Not long after the marriage, my sister got pregnant and I visited them in Lagos. I had come to buy some items for my business but since she just put to bed, I decided to stay with them for like 2 months to help.
One of our distant cousin was also in the house. This cousin is about 19 years old. The plan was that,she would help my sister look after the baby,do some chores while she was preparing for her JAMB or so. My sister never believed in bringing house helps to the house so she felt more comfortable with a family member.
This cousin was given the room downstairs to stay while I stayed with my sister and her husband in the rooms upstairs. I never had a reason to suspect anything but a few days after I got the house, I was praying around mid night. After praying, I felt like drinking some hot tea, so I went down stairs to make my tea.
As I waited for the water to boil, I noticed faint sounds coming from this cousin’s room. My curiosity was raised so I hid behind the door and watched …about 25 minutes later,the door opened and out came out my sister’s husband.
I was devastated. When he left, I went into this stupid girl’s room and confronted her. She went on her knees to beg me, not to say anything to her cousin not to send her away. She swore never to do it anymore.
I was torn and didn’t know what to do. So I called my husband and my husband asked me to let it go because it might cause a serious problem. My sister didn’t get married in time, should not be the one to break their home. And my sister appears very happy now. I did not want her to be heart broken like our mother.
Much as I hated the advice,I let it go but I warned my sister to be careful,I told her I saw this cousin flirting with some man who looked like a married man. My sister laughed it off saying,young girls of nowadays.
But I could not hold it back,I called my sister’s husband and told her that I know what he is doing. He begged me not to say anything …that he will never do it again. He even said it only happened once …and its because his wife just gave birth….he will never do it again. I told him I would send an anonymous message to my sister if he did not stop it.
I returned to PH with very heavy concern for my sister. I just kept praying for her even though I was furious with the husband. All these happened last year. I have not been to Lagos ever since. I call in to check in with my sister,that is all.
Until last month,my sister called me crying. That the cousin is pregnant for her husband and is refusing to abort it. That the girl is claiming her husband promised to marry her. That she had had 2 abortions for her husband before now. My sister is beyond devastated. I am beyond devastated.
I blame myself for not telling her about this evil cousin last year. And I cannot even bring myself to tell my sister that I knew about them. Her husband is denying the pregnancy, that he knows he is not the only one that slept with this girl. That he only did it once with her. It turns out that this girl even has a boy friend but she was sleeping with both men. Young girls of nowadays…I fear them o.
We know that is a lie but my sister wants to save her marriage and believe her husband that it was only once ….I am wondering,maybe its time I tell my sister what I saw when I came to their house. My husband says its not a good idea but I think he is just being a man and trying to protect a fellow male.
I am torn. My sister is torn. In the midst of this mess,she is trying to mend her marriage but she does not know the person she is married to,that he is a whore. Should I continue to keep quiet or tell my sister?
Its possible the pregnancy is for her boyfriend,its also possible its for her husband. But whatever the case,this girl has refused to abort it and my sister is almost believing her husband is not the father…
I myself,I am ridden with guilt of my silence…if you were in my shoes,what will you do?
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Photo Credit:Naijaloaded
Don’t tell your sister cos it will not make any difference but it will add more trouble to the issue.let the girl go so they can have their marriage.
Dont tell her wat you saw your husband is right it will not make any different i feel like that girl is lying nd she is trying to fine who to pin down with the baby. It so smiple go for a D N A test that the only solution that will help
Please don’t tell her about it now, it will rather add salt to an injury. Since the man is still insisting that it’s only once and the wife wants to believe him.. Give them that chance, but the girl hv to leave that place. If after delivery and test is done on the baby.. The true paternity will be known. Then, they will know the next step to take. May God save her marriage. Amen
Don’t add to the fire, let your sister save her marriage, if it’s meant to last they will overcome it. I have been in a relationship before with a married man, but he refused to let go of his wife yet he claimed he loved me. They do all kind of shit but they love their wives at home. He may have promised her marriage to get his needs, but he may still love his wife.
Let them sort their issues.
Don’t tell your sister about your past findings.
But, that girl must leave your sister’s house to wherever, whether to the boyfriend’s house or her parents, anywhere, let her leave their house.
As for the pregnancy, believe with your sister what the husband told her that it’s once, at least to help keep her sanity. Let that foolish girl go look for her own man elsewhere.
Big mistake made already by keeping such secrets from your sister. You should have ensured the so called cousin left that house asap at least. I still feel it’s better you open up to your sister than continue living with the guilt. Explain to her your reasons for keeping the secret and support her at this time to work on saving her marriage by encouraging her to have deep discussions with her husband….finding out if the baby is truly his through medical test. Pregnancy does not mean marriage. Encourage her to forgive him if the man is truly sorry and ready to mend his ways.
If you had told your sister,she won’t have believed you until now…
Since you didn’t tell her back then, give their marriage a chance to amend things… Don’t say anything or else it would only break your sisters heart the more…..Let them work things out..
I think it is too late to open up 2 u sister nw..just find a possible way 2 safe her marriage or u can even confront d hubby of ur sister so as 2 know d way forward….
Let the cousin be allowed to give birth to the child. Then a DNA test to be conducted.
If it happens it is the husband that is the father of the child, let him take responsibility of the child only.
For now, the cousin needs to live the house for somewhere else while the husband to take interim responsibility of the pregnancy pending the DNA
Hello,
You need to come clean with your sister. Whether she believes you or not…that is her business.
But she needs to know the type of man she is married to. Then she can decide if she wants to accept him the way he is or not.
As for the girl,she should be removed from that house immediately and DNA test carried out after the baby is born.
This is a very ugly situation but no matter how painful the betrayal, your sister will be fine in the end.
Just be there for her when she needs you,pray for her and encourage her.
Cheers
The man should take care of the pregnancy and after she give birth he can take the child and leave the girl
You shouldn’t tell her.Leave that to God,he will deal with the matter.
Comment: you better keep it as a secret bcoz the issue on ground now is that you dont want what happened to ur mother happened to her and the begining of scene can be seen but not knowing what will end it. Pray that GOD Himself should intervene.
Don’t tell your sister about the last encounter you saw or else she might think you are in support of it and it might also put her into much depression,as you know depression is not a good thing. Just tell your cousin to the house and go, for no one asked her to come and make love with your sister’s husband and you also warned her,If she had ears she should have listened to your advice
The issue is e truat people so we think they cant cheat on us..the husband has done it many times so him saying its a first time is a cheaters lie, cheaters and lies are best friends..trust me it true. I’m disappointed you didn’t tel your sister immediately, we over exaggerate marriage in the side of the world, I won’t be surprised the husband cheats again but trust me this time he will hide it so well…human beings and S.e.x are inseperable, he will show more care and love to his wife in other to prevent her from suspecting…read Proverbs 31:30, favor is deceitful, so that someone shows you love respect care doesn’t mean he or she won’t cheat, I dont know why we deceive ourselves trusting human beings, see how rampant adultery has become today yet we keep saying trust makes a marriage work. I’m sure if you asked your sister does she trust her husband before this event she will say yes, but he has been cheating on her..so why then trust. I preach love but I don’t preach trust.