Good day,
Please I need advice. I was staying with my aunt when I met this guy. He is gentle and calm. Before I met him I was doing this small small runs to feed. Sometimes to eat was very hard so when I met him I stop all this runs I was doing.
He meet up with my needs so I got pregnant for him and we started staying together until I gave birth to my baby girl. Things changed, he start beating me and calling me names. If I cook and served him, he will say the food is not sweet, he will ask me to carry the food away.
That is how things was going on he will beat me and throw my things outside. I will call his parents to help me beg him before he will bring my things back to the house. Before you know, he starts bringing all his girlfriend to the house and he will tell me to go out of the room.
I will hold myself not to do anything stupid. I will tell his parents if they talk to him he will come back home and beat me mercilessly. I keep on holding on, now am staying with his parents.
He just got a job in calabar since he got that job he has not sent a kobo to me and his daughter. I don’t know what to do. I want to leave but am thinking about my daughter. I have no job or means of taking care of my daughter or myself.
Please advise.
Anonymous Lively Stones Member
Photo Credit:UN News
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Am so sorry to hear your story I can only imagine what you are going through don’t u have relatives u have to take courage and strength to leave him your daughter should be your first priority then stay with any friend or relative then try to get some tin doing even if it’s house help to be able to take care of ur daughter it is well
Get a job pretty lady.
Chai! Please find a way to separate from him. Wish you had another place to stay or your parents are alive! This calls for proactive prayers/measures!
It’s quite a pity, I feel your pain dear.
Since you are staying with the guys parents, if they accept you.. I think you should stay there for the main time and find something doing. Forget about the guy for now and focus on how to survive with your daughter. Then when you are are much better both emotionally and financially, you can now think on what next to do
This story sounded so familiar to what a neighbour of mine experienced last year.
She is from a poor background. She hustled in the street everyday just to survive until she suddenly got pregnant for a guy. She moved in with the guy when she was pregnant in 2018 without getting married. Then after giving birth to a boy, middle of last year, the guy started beating her merciless. Her parents and the guy’s parents will start intervening to the matter, whenever the guy tries sending her away. At the end of the year, another issue came up and the guy beat the mother of the lady. So this time around, she was forced to moved away permanently from the guy’s house and started living again with her poor parents.
Due to my empathy for her, I kept calling her twice in a month just to check up on her to know how she’s coping. She always report that the guy doesn’t care about the boy again. That he doesn’t ask of him talkless of sending provisions to him. She was learning hair styling work before she got pregnant. So when she was staying with her parents, she continued learning it and from there, she became good on her own. She started assisting people here and there. From it, she got enough money to buy provisions for her son welfare. Now she also has an android phone that she uses in communicating with me everyday via WhatsApp.
Anyway, enough of that digressional story. I told you about it so that you can learn a thing or two from there. Let me summarise it for you.
Things turned out better because she never gave up on improving herself. She strived hard to make sure her son doesn’t suffer. Fortunately for her, she was successful in the hair styling skill she learned.
So my dear, you have really endured a terrible experience. I pray you don’t go through it again. Let the welfare of your child be a driving force for you. Try to learn any vocational skills or continue doing the small small runs (I hope they are runs that will impact your life and not runs that are morally wrong). Things will get better for you. Just have that determination to succeed and always stay strong. Later in the future, the bad experience will be reflecting in your thoughts sometimes, just ignore it and don’t let it weigh you down.
And about your partner, never give him a chance in your life again. Learn from that experience. Also if his parents’ place is a bad breathing ground (uncomfortable) for you, move back to your aunty’s place or to your friend.
Also note this. Only settle down when you know you have something tangible to be doing. Don’t be in a hurry to find a replacement. Get yourself together. Be responsible, so that you won’t have to depend entirely on another guy again, because if you shud depend totally on the next partner, your daughter might suffer if he doesn’t provide much for both of you. May God help you.
It is well !!!
I feel for you dear. Thank God his parents accepted you and your kid. I will like you to embark on upgrading yourself. Find a skill that will not cost you much to learn and not too time consuming, so that you can still involve in petty jobs that can fetch you some money. Forget about the guy now.
How about your parents? If they are still alive, try and visit them and ask for their blessings, from your story, I don’t think the guy paid a dime on your head, and your parents might not be happy about that. Be strong. God will help you.
Na watin dey sweet person dey kill am.
He has not paid your dowry and you are not yet his wife.
The fact that you bear a child for him doesn’t make you his wife.
My dear, that man is not your husband, find a way to go and start your live before u kill yourself by yourself.
These stories are always painful to me.
Please get something doing. Ask his parents for help if they can. Start from somewhere, forget about this man and focus your energy on getting something doing again then take care of yourself and your daughter.
Ladies, never, ever leave what you are doing no matter how small because you think now the man can provide all. Be able to still contribute no matter how small or if he insists then start saving them because you’ll definitely need it some day.
You have to leave otherwise that man we waste your destiny look for a menial job to do so that you can save up for an accommodation, as for your boyfriend Karma is a bitch,she will surely come knocking, but don’t swear for him,be strong for your daughter and also treat his parent like your parent but you most think a way of living your life without depending on him or them.
This a very pathetic one. First of all are you a Christian , as in are you born again. That will be the first step. You must give your life to Christ genuinely. No one turns to God and ever regret. Change your mind set as well. Try and see how you can get something doing , it may take time.
God will locate you with a good heart, you just need to find something doing because of your baby.with God all things is possible.
I will advise you look for money and start something.forget about your baby’s father and anything that looks like a man for now cos you have to find your feet first.get busy with something and I pray God will fix you..good luck.
You have to get something doing, think of any small business you’ll like to do and seek help from your church pastor or priest, keep holding on dear, the Lord is your strength
It is well ma.
Like everyone has said get something doing. let your focus be how to raise your daughter God will help you….. And I pray God will torch him as well to do the needful
Even if you have taken a wrong step, it’s never too late to abort that journey and go back.
You need to find yourself, if you were the only one in this world, you would still survive.
Lastly, all single young mum, I beg you, you mustn’t get married to your baby daddy.
Find love, and let it find you.
If i should give my advice here,just try n look for away out of that place, because the more u stay there more that boyfriend of urs beats u up all the time ,because he thinks u are burden to him, please forget that how will my daughter fare?Now that u are in that house,are u not the one taking care of ur daughter? if u leave that place,just remember that God is alive n knows how to take care of His children , please,try n leave that house by all means, because if u die now ur daughter will suffer the fate of an orphan,by all means try to look for something to do,like for away n start a business,no mata how small the business might be.
That is why you should not move in with a man that has not married you legally. You had loose morals so he is justified in treating you as he likes. The problem now is that other ladies would not learn from your story. You have to find a way to beg your relatives and learn a trade or business because you can not return to school yet.
Truly tough. You didn’t know him enough before you jumped into his house and start cohabitating with him. You have learnt a hard lesson. Now you should start thinking about what to do differently. You might have your daughter stay a little with his dad parents ones she can slightly do without you. Plan your life afresh, give yourself a fresh beginning and watch as events unfold. I wish you well.
Dear sister, so sorry for your predicament.
The hard truth of your situation is that the foundation of the relationship is altogether wrong.
You decided to be pregnant, and start living with someone who did not promised to marry you, or go to pay your dowry..
The guy readily took advantage of you because of your vulnerablility.
So, as it is now, shake up yourself and come out of self-pity. Shake up yourself !!!
Get your self doing something, business or work and if you so desire further your education.
The truth is that this guy doesn’t want you in his life – at least, for now. Therefore find solution for yourself and move on with your life: find your own level.
There’s always a way out of every unpleasant conditions.
Go to God in prayer and sincerely ask him to take over your life and your situation. Get committed to Him and He will receive You, and help you out completely. Trust Him!
God bless you.Dear sister, so sorry for your predicament.
The hard truth of your situation is that the foundation of the relationship is altogether wrong.
You decided to be pregnant, and start living with someone who did not promised to marry you, or go to pay your dowry..
The guy readily took advantage of you because of your vulnerablility.
So, as it is now, shake up yourself and come out of self-pity. Shake up yourself !!!
Get your self doing something, business or work and if you so desire further your education.
The truth is that this guy doesn’t want you in his life – at least, for now. Therefore find solution for yourself and move on with your life: find your own level.
There’s always a way out of every unpleasant conditions.
Go to God in prayer and sincerely ask him to take over your life and your situation. Get committed to Him and He will receive You, and help you out completely. Trust Him!
God bless you.
Hello dear,
Sometimes life can be pretty hard. All I want to say to you is: DO NOT GIVE UP.
What about your parents…what about your siblings? Cant they help?
You may need to stay in his parents place a little bit more. While there,try to get something to do to save up some money before you can move out and get your own place.
Or you can leave the child with the parents if you feel they will love and care for the child properly.
You can start with small jobs like cleaning or selling retail items.
Just make up your mind not to have a victim outlook…work hard…do legal jobs and in the near future,you will be back on your feet on your own.
God bless you
Exactly. She should add more value to herself and not depend on anyone.
[…] here to read Part 1 of this […]
It seems the man started seeing you as a burden or liability… On your own part. Try to add value to yourself. Because it’s how you see yourself that is how other would see you.
Be prayerful and hope for the best
She should excercise more patient, prayerful and also respect the family of the guy she’s living with and abide by their rules.
Just in a little while more there shall be solution.
Your helplessness extend as long and as far as you allow it
[…] part 1 & 2 of this story here and […]