I Am Madly In Love But My Girlfriend Makes Me Afraid Of Commitment
I will be very brief, I need your counsel. I am a 33 year old successful banker. I met the woman of my dreams last year and my plan is for us to settle down by the end of this year or early next year. This girl is smart and very godly. I met her actually by God’s divine plan.
When she came to our bank, I tried to shoot my shot but she kept giving me cold shoulder. She said she will not date a banker cos she does not trust bankers. I told her to give me a chance and she invited me for a church program, which I did. From then, we became close and all.
Things were going fine until I told her about my family: that my parents are not together. My mother actually had four of us, me and my siblings for different men. That information out her off. She was like, how can all four of us have 4 different fathers? Well, I am not trying to defend my mother but she made some bad choices in relationship. She was trying to survive according to her.
My mother’s situation made her discouraged but I told her I am not my mother. We continued seeing each other but she told me not to reveal my mother’s past to any of her family members. That some people may not understand. I agreed with her and all has been going well.
No need to lie, I love this girl alot but I made a mistake. I fumbled with an ex, who is related to a very big client of mine. I just wanted to make her happy cos I did not want a situation where she speaks to her relative to move his account from us. I know this is wrong and I have promised myself that it must stop after I get married legally.
My girlfriend would not have found out if only I was not careless. My mother called me the one day and my girlfriend was around. I put the phone on speaker and my mother told me that she got a call from my ex, that she thought we had broken up but my ex told her that she and I recently hooked up.
It was too late to remove the call from speaker but I cut the call and tried to do damage control but my girl just started shouting. That she said it, that I cannot be a faithful man, after all, my mother had 4 children with 4 men. That really hurt me. I was like, what has my mother got with this?
My girl went on to say all sorts, calling me names, calling my mother a slut….asking how is my mother even still contact with my ex, why did my ex hook up with me, did we have s*x, that I am a male prostitute born by a female prostitute. It was too much. I may have come from a mother who had four baby daddies but my mother raised us with love and respect and I will not marry someone who will not love and respect her irrespective of her choice.
It got heated and we broke up. I miss her so much but she has bad mouth once she is upset especially linking every quarrel we have to my mother’s bad character. After a week, she sent me a text to apologize and ask that we come back together. I said I needed time t to think about it but she showed up in my place that night and cos I missed her so much, I could not resist.
Now, because of what happened, anytime my mother calls, I try to take my calls outside and away from my girlfriend…but guess what, that is heating her up and she says I am hiding things form her and I am doing bad things with my mother who has bad character , that is why no man married her.
The annoying thing is, after talking shit, this girl will start begging and apologizing. I love her alot and I want her every day but her bad mouth and insults to my mother who did nothing wrong to her is my concern. We have broken up 3 or 4 times and always end up apologizing.
This her hot and cold attitude is even pushing me to have plan B with my ex, cos that one wants me back but she too is a big girl who flirts with other big men. I am confused: two women in my life, one is wife material with bad mouth, the other is not but madly in love with me.
I really do not want to make a bad choice and truly end up like my mother having babies with different women. Please what do I do…how do I choose between these two women?
Anonymous
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Let me just keep this short and leave the general advise to the house.
What I want to say is that when two people in a relationship start breaking up and coming back to reconcile back and forth, over and over again, that relationship is leading to doom. This is actually a red flag of incompatibility during dating but some people used to ignore it till it enters into marriage and becomes difficult to handle. No matter how many times you try to keep condoning this and pardoning her, she won’t ever stop.
The only reason why she keeps coming back to apologise is bcos she doesn’t want to lose you probably bcos of love, financial interest and also maybe bcos you have strong interest to marry her. There is lack of trust in her towards you due to your family background, so she can never ever trust you completely the way you want her to. Once you marry her, she will now fully display her true nature, become more jealous, and to punish you to your frustration, it would be things like ¹continuous spitting out of bad words about your mother whenever she is angry without any remorse, ²late apologies or keeping of malice for long over issues generated from lack of trust, ³No S.e.x or cooking for some days when she is still angry and other things like that.
Love doesn’t conquer all in marriage o. Compatibility matters also. If there’s something you can’t tolerate or fix now, better to end the relationship before it leads you to depression in marriage. It is well.
You should immediately end that relationship and move on with your life. She does not have respect for your mother not to talk of you her man. I would advice you go back to your ex and work things out with her. However if you can’t work things out with your ex move on and forget these two women.
None of them according to me.
For real though, can you stand a woman insulting your mother at any given chance?
This will be her mother too if you two get married.
Sorry to break it you but I don’t care how godly she is. If she’s got a nasty mouth, she’s got to go.
Everybody in life is just trying to get by, getting better and better. Yes your mum didn’t make the best choices but that’s not for your girlfriend to insult her. Marriage most times is a seemingly comfort zone. She won’t change and it’ll only get worse.
Let her go.
That’s my take though
Your girlfriend has no right to insult your mum using her wrong choices in the past..
She will never change.. I’ll advise you not to continue in such a relationship cos it’s not healthy for you..
Your ex isn’t good either..ask God the giver of all good things to guide you through..
Best of luck bro…
For your own sanity,I think you should let her go!! Your mother might have made mistakes having the four of you for different father’s,but that Does not give her the right to insult your mother.
Believe you me,this insults will definitely continue once you both are legally married.
You deserve someone that will respect your entire family and not someone that will keep bringing up bad memories.
All the best brother.
No matter how many people say you should let her go, you will still marry her cos you know some men of these days tend to appreciate and love the rude or uncouth girls. I don’t blame you, if only you can stop having S.e.x with them, maybe you would have a rethink about your choices.
Please don’t choose any,take your time. Your wife has not come,when you find your wife ,she will accommodate you just the way you are. Don’t rush the process,okay. It is well with you
No matter what your mum did in the past, it should remain in the past….Your girlfriend isn’t well cultured and she is ill-mannered and to be sincere, you cant marry that kind of person cause it’s not healthy for you and your family…
Let go of her now before you regret it….She will always refer to your mum anytime and anyday she is angry….Her family might get to know this one day and they won’t support you….
Your mum deserves better than bringing home that kind of girl….
Flee before it is too late….Sometimes love isn’t enough to run a HOME….You can do better…
Do not marry a girl who sees your mother as a prostitute. I referred to her as a girl for a reason: she is not mature yet. What she needs now is maturity, not marriage.
Don’t marry any of the girls. You see that love you have for that girl that insults your mother is lost not love. You couldn’t resist her, that not love. She told you not to tell her family about your mum. Your mum is your mum. Even the family when they know about your mum’s case they will say worst. So please let them go.
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