I Am Tired Of Fighting Poverty & A Loveless Marriage-Pls Advise
Please hide my identity. I have been married for 5 years now. I am not happy in my marriage at all. I actually got married out of necessity. I finished my WAEC in the village for over 4 years and no hope for the future. My parents wanted me to marry someone, maybe a farmer in the village but I knew that would mean I would continue to suffer so when this guy that came home from Lagos for Christmas toasted me, I agreed and intentionally got pregnant so that he will marry me and take me to Lagos.
He lied to me that he had a big job in Lagos but he is a Keke Driver and a pimp. Things have been very hard for us cos he does not always have money. He gambles alot…I am a hard worker. I got a job in a nursery school where I teach, I get paid 18k every month. I also sell petty food stuff in front of our house just to make sure we do not die of hunger.
Even though I grew up in village, I loved to read and its my dream to further my education one day. I also know that I do not love my husband…I only married him to get out of the village. This man is crude…he does not take care of me or our children. All he wants is his food when he returns and s*x everyday. If I refuse,he goes out to sleep with prostitutes.
I have two children. I am miserable cos I am really working hard everyday to raise them by myself. My husband is not providing or caring at all. I see how other young women of my age(I am 22) are being treated by their boyfriend and lovers and husband and I regret my decision but I still thank God I am not stuck in the village.
My problem is that even though my husband is not providing for the family, he is not also caring and that makes me feel tempted to seek comfort outside. He just does not care…Don’t get me wrong…I do not support cheating but this broke man…spends even the little money he makes driving keke and pimping or gambling on small girls and that hurts me so bad.
When I cant take it anymore, we fight and he hits me . The frustration is too much. He has even said my mates are using what they have to get what they want…meaning me too I should go and pimp my body to make money. I told I can never do that and he said I should stop disturbing his life.
Now valentine is coming. He has never done anything for me on valentine but I see his small girls sending him message to buy them something for valentine. He has promised them to buy them lovely things. This really hurt me when I confronted him…he said…are they not girls like me…I should go and hustle my own…
Its like my husband thinks I am bad luck…that I forced pregnancy on him. That is why he is not progressing in life. All these make me think alot and sometime I just want to disappear. My husband’s behavior and neglect has pushed me to start flirting with one man that owns a motel and bar in our street.
This man bought me perfume last valentine. Since then, he used to flirt with me but I don’t encourage him more than allowing him touch me playfully. Last week, I reminded him that valentine is coming o…that he should remember me…he said he will get me something if only I give him something else in return.
I told him I don’t have anything to give and he said I can give him pleasure by giving him my body. I thought he was joking cos he know am married but he was serious. He showed me things he bought for me…sent the pictures…and asked me to come to his place to collect them.
For days, I refused to go until last weekend…I had nothing on me….not even one naira. My children had not eaten by 1pm. I started to cry. My shop has closed down cos we were eating every penny I made from sales. I knew I had to do something. I went to to see this man in the motel allowed him to sleep with me. I know I was wrong but I was desperate…I had no one else to turn to…I just got tired of being strong and no one to help me carry the load.
I got money and gifts from my benefactor….from it, I cooked for my useless husband to eat. The man is divorced…he is taking care of our needs since last week. He said he is looking for a wife …someone who is smart and beautiful like me… I know I am wrong but what other option do I have? I do not mind divorcing so I am not committing adultery. This marriage has never brought any good to me…its hardship everyday…
If I continue like this…I will die in poverty or continue to sleep with other men…and commit sin. I need advise…how do I make a fresh start? The future with this benefactor seems bright ….at least….he owns a business that is thriving…How do I leave this dark life called marriage…I am tired…I deserve better…my children deserve better…I am seriously down…I am down…please advise me…
Anonymous
Photo Credit:iStock
Please separate from that yeye husband of yours, he is not a husband, you only forced pregnancy on him and that’s why things are the way they are. If your benefactor can accommodate you and your children and he is serious to marry, please go ahead but before you do so find out why he is divorced ooooo. Udo
Mistakes have been made ……but there’s hope since you still alive…….. All you need is support to get out of that marriage……. I pray you get it….but if I were you I’ll stop intimacy with hubby…..his sleeping around sounds reckless, he can infect you with a disease or virus ….please think deep ….stay away from the man trying to take advantage of you….may god open doors for you …and don’t repeat same mistakes again…
You said you married him so he can bring you to Lagos, and now he is not caring for you, you are a GREEDY lady and an opportunist, it’s not an insult it’s the truth. You married a man just to come to Lagos, you deserve what you are going through sister you don’t take advantage of people its wrong. And flirting with another man, you know what you are doing, so stop the excuses and pretense. GOD bless you.
Sir, you’re harsh oooooo
Akin, if you don’t have advice to give to people, kindly keep your mouth shut. Remove the log in your eyes first, so you can see clearly to remove the speck from another’s eyes. Learn to be empathetic and put yourself in people’s shoes. Jesus never condemns. Nobody deserves poverty. She was pushed into that because of poverty.
That man is no good for you, leave him and get something good for yourself.
Leave that shamble you called marriage and then think of your next line of action.