I Cannot Recognize The Wife I Married Anymore-Please Advise
I have a serious marital problem. I think my wife is a drug addict. I am 36 years while my wife is 24. We have been married for three month. She is awaiting her NYSC call up…and I just found that my wife has been sneaking to get Indian hemp from my landlord’s son and smoking it with him behind my back.
All the while we dated for almost two years, I never had an inclining that this beautiful lady even knows what Indian hemp is or what alcohol tastes like. You can imagine my shock when I got home a few days ago from work because I was feeling a bit sick. I actually tried calling her before coming home but my battery was flat.
On getting home that day around 11.25am, I noticed that the front door was locked but the windows were open. So, I went through the back and got the shock of my life when I walked in through the back door. My wife and my landlord’s son were both smoking hemp in my kitchen. Initially, I thought he was attacking her cos I never would have imagined a man with my wife in my kitchen.
So I jumped on the foolish boy and started to punch him. Everyone knows the landlord’s son is a useless guy. A graduate who has been unable to secure a job for almost 6 years, living off his father’s money. To see him smoking in my kitchen with my wife…I thought he was the one who sold this bad habit to him but as I beat him up, he kept saying it was my wife who invited him and asked him to be supplying her.
I turned and asked my wife, expecting her to deny it and she said…she is sorry but she never thought I would find out. I let this guy go and focused on my wife. My wife of three months…all I could ask her was : how…why?
My wife said she picked up the habit of smoking hemp when she was very young but she thought she kicked the habit but since over 8 years but the smell of hemp that she perceives everyday from the landlord’s son began to pull her back and she reached out to him and has been smoking with him for a few weeks now.
According to her, she picked up the habit when she lived with her relatives. Now, I was very upset cos she never told me this before and now, I asked her if this is what she intends to be doing from now on and she said she is trying to stop it but she thinks she may be withdrawing back to her old habits again.
This revelation really upset me cos I love my wife very much but I am now seeing her in a different light and I am wondering if I really know who I married. To make matters worse, I cannot move out of this apartment because I just paid for two years …two months before we got married. Now, when am at work, I am afraid that she is smoking pot but she swears she is not.
I smell her everyday when I return and I even thought of locking her inside the house but she is getting worked up and saying I don’t trust her and truly, my trust for her has dropped…like am I over reacting? why would she hide this from me? is she really over this habit or is she doing it behind my back?
In my frustration, I spoke to the landlord and asked him to speak to his son to stay away from my wife or I would report him to the police that he smokes hemp…and the landlord he is not worried, I can do whatever I like cos they have given up on the boy. I also spoke to the guy and told him to stay away from my wife or I would do something to him. He said fine but that my wife must pay him for the supplies he gave her before or he will expose her.
My first reaction was , is this guy trying to blackmail my wife too? I told him no way am paying for the supplies if he thinks he can blackmail us for smoking hemp…but when I got back, I took my wife’s phone and then, I saw their messages where this stupid boy was asking my wife to pay him for the hemp he gave her and my wife said she has no money now but promises to pay back and this guy suggested she pay him back by giving him her p*ssy…to which my wife replied….never again.
That was two days ago…I was enraged…I almost beat up my wife…what does she mean by never again? was there a time she did that? she said she meant to say never as in at all…not that they have done it before. my head is spinning. I have asked her to go and stay with her sister in Ikeja for now cos I am so angry I might beat her up or even divorce her.
Every day…all kinds of thoughts are going through my head…is my wife an addict? did she sleep with that guy? I don’t know what to think…I fear the worst if I dig deeper…what if she actually did sleep with this useless guy to pay him for the hemp? how do I look at her again ? Will this lead to the end of our marriage even before it begins?
Please advise me on how to handle this…her sister is shocked and is saying this is a spiritual attack cos they never knew their sister was into this…they are begging me to be patient and not take any action yet…so what do I do now? Wait for them to pray this away? I do not think prayer will work in this matter…while I am even trying to come to terms that I may have a wife as a drug addict…what I cannot ever forgive is, if she slept with this guy…
I am so restless and confused on what to do…
Anonymous
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Brother Bros… Your wife needs help.
Look for a good rehab. and take her there pending when she will go for her service… She really needs you now..
It’s a habit and if you show her more love and support she will overcome it..
They never wash beans, moi moi don dey smell.
Oga, stay with your wife.
If you love her, pray.
Why will you want to beat or divorce her when your marriage barely just begun?
Both of you are responsible for making your marriage work.
Welcome to marriage 101.
You got a long way to go. Don’t be a quitter.
Definitely you need time to cool off from all these trauma. With time, you will heal and get better when you start forgetting naturally, some things, about what had happened cos you are hurting seriously as you are remembering it all, bit by bit, as it developed and happened. So make peace with yourself first and find comfort for yourself and mind in your own way while staying away from your wife.
Once you are mentally strong to handle all these shocking things, then depending on how you eventually got healed, you will be able to decide for yourself whether you still need to take your wife back or not.
If you were to eventually take her back, then the advices below will be useful in the future.
About your wife sleeping with that guy, just accept that it has happened even if she never confessed the truth. By accepting it, you will make yourself to be mentally strong to take the pain inside and that will help the healing process quickly cos if u keep trying to believe it didn’t happen, you will just keep getting pained everytime u think about it.
Also about her smoking habit, since you didn’t catch her after that incident, then try to forget it too. But put it in mind that she might still do it again. It’s an addiction that is difficult to let go. So if she should go back into again, plan ahead before that time. Plan by taking her to a rehab centre or those places where they fix up classes to help people with such addiction. Make sure she forcefully go through any of these processes to ensure she fights off the addiction successfully. If she doesn’t agree to go, then send her away from you or accept to continue living with an addict in the house.
In summary, just take that precious alone time for yourself for now as long as possible, till when you are ready to accept that,
“everything wey don happen don happen, na solution and way forward remain”.
Furthermore, while going through this healing period, use that time to process adequately, all the advices people will be giving to you over this issue. Use them to become mentally strong to handle the situation very well.
Shalom.