I Was Humiliated On My Traditional Wedding Night – Will There Be A Church Wedding?
Hi,
I am anonymous. I have been in a relationship with this guy I met two years ago. He is a very nice guy. He is sweet to me and I love him so much. We became engaged late last year and wedding plans have been going fine.
All these while, I have been keeping myself till marriage even though he sometimes try to seduce me, I just make sure we don’t do more than kissing or touching. Since that time, he has been saying he cannot wait till wedding night o…that he will enjoy everything I have denied him for almost 2 years.
Our traditional wedding took place last month and we had s*x after the traditional wedding. I don’t know what happened but I am not a virgin but I know I am not a prude…but soon as we finished making love…I noticed my husband’s countenance changed.
I was worried and asked him what the problem is. He said nothing…he got up and left me on the bed. He came back a few seconds later and he looked at me with so much anger. He said these words: is this what I have been waiting for two years for?
I was surprised…what kind of question is this? He said…you kept yourself and deceived me. I was like…how did I deceive him? He said: my VJ is too wide…that he was practically swimming inside of me. He said he is so disappointed in me…that I am not a virtuous woman cos no woman who is not s*xually active with several men will have such a wide VJ like mine.
I couldn’t believe my ears. I stared at him horrified at his accusations. I broke down and started crying. He ignored me and did not touch me again throughout the night. It was a horrible night. He said thank God we have not done church wedding…that I tried to deceive him…
I told him…since we met…even since I got rededicated to God six years ago, I have not had s*x with anyone. The only person I had s*x with was my ex boyfriend and the secondary school class mate that dis-virgined me. I have kept myself since I realized it was a sin to have s*x outside marriage.
Now, my husband …whom I never slept with during our two year relationship…is not calling me a prostitute…that my VJ is so wide like an ocean???….he left me early next morning. I cried and told my elder sister. We called and called him…he refused to pick. Two days later,he sent me an sms that he is no longer interested.
I almost died when I read the sms. He just humiliated me. I told him I am ready to swear that I have never been with any man for almost 5 years. I do not know why he says I am too wide. I told him I was ready to go for medical examination…yet he said no way.
I was like…so s*x is the ultimate…what about the promises to love me and take care of me and everything else. It was our first time…maybe something happened…I suggested we try again and lets see if it will feel the same…he said no.
A family meeting was called last week and he attended with only one family member from his side. He spoke so badly of me in front of all of my family. Called me slut and all kinds of unprintable names. The eldest man in my family cautioned him and told him to watch his tone before he calmed down.
It was finally agreed that I take a medical text to know what is wrong with me. I did the text two days later…the gynecologist said that there is nothing wrong with the size of my VJ…that it could be that his own p*nis is small in size compared to my VJ but mine is an average size…nothing strange about my size.
It then occurred to me that I have never really seen the size of his manhood at close range. I only felt it that night. He was advised to go for examination as well which he refused. The doctor counselled us to forget about size and taught us ways with which we can still enjoy intercourse. It took alot of counselling.
But since then, my husband is still not talking to me. He has agreed to try and make things work based on the counselling from the doctor but it seems like the things he said has so affected us that he can’t even talk to me. Or maybe he is truly small down there? But I did not complain did I…he is the one making a huge deal of all these…
On my own…I feel so bad…he has not even apologized. He is giving me attitude like I should just accept that I maybe part of the problem. Ma, I lost all respect and love for this man. This humiliation is too much. He is not even showing remorse. Like he is doing me a favor by marrying me…
He has not even made any effort to sleep with me anymore…our white wedding is supposed to be in December. Is like we are begging him to marry me…his interest has really diminished. Mine too. I wish he could even just say he is sorry and that he is willing to try with me. No encouragement. No empathy. No tact…no kindness…and no s*x since…
How do we move forward like this? I need help…my biggest fear is if he does not show up on the wedding day…cos this his attitude is something I cannot place. I have fasted and prayed to God for direction. I am exhausted. What should I do?
Anonymous
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Nne are you still thinking of going ahead with the white wedding? Haba,no now. Do you want to suffer forever in marriage? It is better you end things now and let your own husband come,that man is not your husband, take it or you leave it. If you like date a man for ten years that does not or will make him your husband ,if you do not want to suffer emotional trauma in marriage biko leave him alone,you are wonderfully and beautifully made,no man should say sheet about your V J,I know it is not easy but is better you end everything now,you can’t force a man to marry you oooo, if not him go use you play football for that marriage oooo,I rest my case
The intricacies of Marriage!
Marriage is for two mature people and not for babies. Marriage is not for the faint hearted. Marriage is truly a union of two forgivers.
My take is that this is a test of his love, if it will truly stand the test of time.
You both need professional counseling no doubt but communication is the key here.
Keep the lines of communication open when you’re having conflicts and you’ll find out that it’s easier to resolve these conflicts yourself without any 3rd party interference.
You both should communicate between yourselves, his disappointment on having S.e.x with you the first time, your surprise at his reaction and how you both should handle this.
Just communicate and resolve this before going ahead with the wedding, it’s very important.
I think you should forget going on with the marriage, it’s such a big deal to him so He doesn’t make you loose your self estimate and later go and try other girls.
You don’t need all this torture. Are you going to constantly beg him throughout marriage?
He’s shown how he really feels by the way he was willing to disgrace you in public with such intimate details and with you he may feel he is managing.
You have not done church wedding yet, you can have no more s.x now with him and return the bride price.
There will be someone better for you.
Don’t either going ahead with the marriage. It is obvious the man is not matured enough for it. How dare he disgrace you in front of the whole family like that? He might even discuss with friends and his family. You deserve better. You have also lost love and respect for him just as he has for you. It is better you both go your ways.