It Is A Family Affair- My Marriage Is Caught In-between Two Siblings
Good day ma’am,
I need your advise. Please keep me anonymous. I am 31 years old. I got married to my husband two years ago. We were best friends until 7 months into our marriage, I caught my husband with our house maid having s*x. I was 4 months pregnant and having a very difficult pregnancy.
That betrayal was too much for me. It literally broke me down. I was crying for months upon months. My husband begged me to forgive him but I could never really forgive him cause I lost my pregnancy because of the trauma of the affair. I was depressed for months and contemplated killing myself.
We tried therapy but my husband’s schedule made it unsuccessful. I was so sad that I thought I would never be happy again. Until my husband’s brother came to live with us. He got transferred from Abuja and the company was trying to get an apartment so he lived with us in our home.
He noticed something was wrong with me and after some persuasion, I told him what happened. He was so sad because he said he knew his brother was a flirt before marriage but he thought he had changed. I never knew that. He became my personal therapist, he would jist with me, comfort me, encourage me and before long …I started to laugh again.
I was sad to see him leave when he got his place but he stayed in touch…came to our house now and again. Especially during the weekends. My marriage never became the same again after that affair. My husband spent more and more time on his phone. That became another issue cos I felt neglected too.
One day,we had a fight cos I grabbed his phone to see why he was always on the phone. I went through his chats and saw some naked pictures of some girls. His defense was that, these girl send pictures to him but he is not doing anything with them. He accused me of not trusting him cos of the previous affair.
Just to say, I became more suspicious of him. I loathed him more for having pictures of naked girls. I reported him to his brother. I cried to his place one day feeling really dejected. I wanted a divorce. His brother was broken for me. Holding me and comforting me…I felt warm and safe with him…that was why I made out with him.
It was wrong but at the same time…he wanted to comfort me so he did not push me away. We should have stopped but we seemed unable to stop. So, anytime I felt sad and lonely, I went to my husband’s brother’s place and found my peace. And that made me find it tolerable to stay with my husband.
When I got pregnant 6 months ago, I knew it was for my brother in-law. I cried while having the abortion. I filed for a divorce after then and moved out of the house. My husband has been trying to beg me and suggest we try another counselling/therapy to try and save our marriage. I just do not know how if that will even work.
This is because, I think I am in love with his brother. He pushed me into another man’s arms. And I lost another baby in the process. Now, his brother and I have tried to separate for a while. I mean physically but we still chat on phone but no s*x for almost a month. This was because I told him I aborted his baby and he was so sad and we both agreed to stop seeing each other.
However, deep inside of me…I don’t know if we can stop thinking of each other. What should I do? Should I give my marriage a chance or continue with the divorce? How do I deal with my relationship with his brother? Those feelings we have may never go away…if you were in my shoes…what will you do?
Anonymous
Photo Credit:focusonthefamily
Firstly, your husband is a greedy man for cheating on you. You said your husband pushed you into the arms of another man…No ma he didn’t, you are 100% responsible for that, why then are you complaining of your husband, you drove to the other man, entered traffic, gisted, off your clothes, underwears, chatted on phone and calls and had S.e.x and enjoyed it and you say your husband made you do it..no sister you are also greedy like your husband. You are only using your husband’s own to justify your own greed. You need to know that adultery can never be a mistake but an intentional wicked act, mistake is when you don’t know but here you knew what you were doing, your husbands brother is a FOOL, he is sleeping with his brothers wife and you think he loves you, how stupid can we people be..I’m not insulting you I’m just disgusted. My dear sister, we men can pretend to love you just to have S.e.x with you, so we tell you sweet words and give you attention so you can fall and you did fall for him. Dont ever see that your husbands brother again, block him on calls, sms, WhatsApp, Facebook… But i doubt if you will do that. You and your hubby need to talk sense to each other, I suggest you tell your husband of your affair and let him know everything even the abortion, since he has been begging you, it’s better you tell him so you guys can face the problem later, instead of later that he will feel you hid it from him. Sister, any man that knows you are married and yet still flirting with you and has S.e.x with you is a VERY VERY WICKED GREEDY MAN, men and women need to stop making excuses for adultery. GOD bless you sister. I am Akin.
This is a good counsel from Bro Akin…pls ma’am as you read through, accept your own fault & leave out your husband’s cuz TWO WRONGS DON’T MAKE A RIGHT. Repent and move on.
SHALOM!!
You are as guilty as your husband. Its very logical that your brother in law comforting you will lead to something else. All these was because of couldn’t forgive your husband. You should have worked on your relationship instead of distancing yourself.
Go back to your husband and work things out. What you have with your brother in law is lust that steamed out of confusion and loneliness. Don’t confuse those emotions you are feeling as being in love.
It’s quite unfortunate what happened between you and your brother in-law. It’s not right.
Since it has dawned on your husband to fight for his marriage I think you should give him a chance, both of you should go for counseling, spell everything out in the open and forgive yourselves.
Marriage is truly a union between two forgivers.
It’s not an easy road but it’s possible dear.
God bless you abundantly.