Good day ma,
I need your advise. Please hide my ID. For the past one year,I have been living with my Auntie here in Lagos after I got a job as an Insurance marketer. I live in my Auntie’s BQ with her other domestic staff in separate rooms.
I became friends with one of her domestic staff,their Driver. He is a young man of 28 years old. I am 27 years old. Frank (not real name) is a very nice guy. He is an OND holder and very hard working. We became very good friends and because of how he encouraged me,when I first got to Lagos,I was able to survive the initial stress in this city.
Every day,he would come to my room or I go to his room after work. We gist and all. Gradually,even though it was not planned,we developed feelings for each other. I never saw him as a lesser being to me even though I am a BSC graduate and he an OND graduate. I just loved him.
Frank is caring and even though he earned so little,he liked to treat me like a proper girlfriend,on his off days,we would sneak out and go out on dates,movies and other fun things. Of course,we were hiding it from my Auntie.
We even spoke about marriage and we planned that we would make enough money so we can move out of my Auntie’s BQ and get our own apartment and get married early next year. That was the plan until I got pregnant. I have never had never been pregnant before and I was scared because I know we were not financially ready for marriage or a baby.
However,I told him and I even suggested we have an abortion. Frank was like he is against it but if that is what I really want,he will support me. He said he would rather have the baby with me and promised to work hard so me and the baby will be fine.
Now,that really changed my mind and so we decided to have the baby. That was when Frank me he wanted me to know something. I was like,what? He said it happened 7 years ago,that he had a baby with his girlfriend in his village then.They were young and foolish when it happened he said…
I was shocked but he said they are not together but he sends her money now and again. The girl lives with her parents in the village. I spoke to Frank’s father on the phone and he confirmed it. He said they are happy for me and I should not allow the other lady or her child deter me from Marrying Frank.
Well,I love Frank and I chose to believe him. The next thing was to tell my Auntie. That did not go very well. Infact,she said we cannot marry or have that baby under her roof. And like I said,we are not financially ready. I called my mother to beg my Auntie but she insisted.
Frank and I went to beg her and her husband. Her husband agreed but Auntie refused. She said if we want to go ahead,we should move out of her BQ. It was then the final bomb dropped: Maria,our cook,who is also my friend called and told me that the reason my Auntie is refusing maybe because she still likes Frank.
I was like: ‘still likes’???….Maria now told me that my she suspects my Auntie and Frank had a thing before I came to lagos. That there were rumors that time when My Uncle was abroad for two years.
This information was very dangerous. I did not know whether to confront Frank or not but when I told my mother,she said I should ask Frank. I asked Frank and he told me it was true. That it happened 4 years ago. He had just started working with my Auntie and she and her husband were having issues.
My Uncle abandoned her and relocated to US for a year. That my Auntie gave him money to just be her companion during that time. He needed the money cos he was earning just 18k at the time. She increased his salary to 45k. He said it was just briefly for about a month but that they stopped and never did anything again.
Frank begged me not to mention it to my Auntie otherwise she would sack him. But I feel very disturbed by this revelation. Does this mean that my Auntie still likes Frank? And what if Frank is somehow still involved with her? Because he never told me this until I found out.
What should I do? Frank is asking me to be patient that he will rent a place for us before the end of next month,maybe a one bedroom so we can move out and carry on with our plans to have this baby and get married.
I just need your advise. Frank’s past involvement with mu Auntie is somehow bothering me even though he swears that nothing ever happened between them after that time. And he does not want me to mention it to anyone. Because it would cause trouble for my Auntie’s marriage and he will loose his job.
My question is: how do I trust Frank with everything he has told me about my Auntie and even his baby mama in the village. I love Frank and I want nothing more but to marry him …I just pray there is nothing he is still hiding from me…if only I could confront my Auntie but he begged me not to…
I need your advise….please help me.
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This is so complicated,Frank has been involved in so many things.Do not jump into that marriage, so that you won’t suffer.You people are not financially buoyant to take care of that innocent baby.Give birth and let your mother take care of the baby,give Frank sometime,remember his salary is small and out of it he sends to the first baby mama.You must not marry him all because he impregnated you.There is more to marriage than you think.Do not marry Frank now .
Hmmmmmm,na wao,this mata tire warpper oo,u really need to seek God’s face in this matter,n please don’t just marry Frank becos of pregnancy oo,so that u don’t end up being a second baby mama,give it time n pray
Comment: There’s more to marriage than a baby. Dont marry him and never u confront ur auntie abt their past affairs let by gone be by gone. How wil u survive on 45k? Love is never enough in marriage
Please slow down and have a deep rethink I mean deep…….all this red flags are signs that that marriage will be a disaster in the long run………have your baby …….and think of ways of moving out of the bq and take responsibility of yourself and your child…………be born again its never too late to fix things …….you are loved beloved
I don’t see what’s stopping you from marrying Frank. You’ve stated so many good things about him and yes he has a past but from all you’ve stated he’s a good guy and is ready to make things work out, though he’s financial status is still shaky I believe you guys can work it out and live happily. My take….
Too many untold secrets. Please don’t be in a hurry to marry now.
Trust Frank he will make a good husband, just be patient as he told you and trust God,forget your aunt because she does not mean well for you, don’t confront her either
Hello,
I think your Auntie still has feelings for Frank or she knows stuff about Frank that you are not aware of.
So this is my take: Have a heart to heart talk with your Auntie. Let her know that you are aware of her past with Frank but that you will not disclose her secret with anyone. That you just want to know why she objects to your relationship.
Perhaps,if you understand,maybe she is trying to protect you…or if you find out that she has feelings for him,then you cannot be marrying him.
Frank has to step us his game. He needs to move out of his former boss/lover’s BQ.
And also look for another job,to cut off all links with his former lover.
Focus on getting the truth from you Auntie. If she is not forth coming,focus on having your baby,stop any romantic relations with Frank. I think there is more than meets the eyes with Frank.
Maybe with time,you will find out more and be in a better position to make a decision.
For now,I think you need to talk to your Auntie.
You could also pray about this. Let God guide you and you will find peace with whatever decision God guides you to make.
God bless you.