My Fiancé Keeps Postponing Our Marriage Introductions-Help, I Am Stuck
How I wish I knew this before. I feel stuck right now in my relationship. I am pregnant for my fiancé of two years but right now, I wish I can just get up and leave him but I am pregnant and I am scared if being a single mother with no job and no one to help me. Please advise me.
I met John (not real name) three years ago, he was toasting me but I refused because I know he was dating a fellow course mate. So, John is a good looking guy, he is the young MD of a popular modelling company. I met him through my course mates who were into modelling and tried to convince me to become a model too.
Like I said, he was dating my course mate ,so I did not answer him when he made advances at me but later, they broke up and he kept telling me that he is in love with me and cannot do without me. I liked him alot but I did not know he is a sweet talker. He was probably doing the same with other girls..
Several times I caught him cheating and we broke up and several times, he would beg me. The last straw was last year, he came to beg me after I dumped him with a brand new car and he staged a proposal and everyone was begging me to forgive and forget and accept his proposal.
It was very romantic and I fell for it. I said yes. To be honest, for a few months, he did seem like he had changed so I let myself believe we would be getting married for real and he would be faithful.
In January this year, we were supposed to have our introductions but two weeks to the date, he cancelled; saying he was swamped with work and his family could not make the date we choose. I was angry cos my family members were already planning to receive the marriage introductions.
John in his usual style, came apologizing and promised to do the introduction in Easter period. Unfortunately, I got pregnant. I noticed in March and told him, that I wanted us to get married quickly before my pregnancy started to show. John told me not to worry, that we will do introductions in April and get married by court in April.
When April came, John postponed the introduction again. I began to cry and become afraid that this guy was going to dump me with my pregnancy. I threatened to abort the baby, he begged me to move into his apartment, at least to show he is committed to our plan, just that things were so busy for him. To which, it was true, he was really busy but I still felt he should have tried to make out time for a woman he claim to love.
That is how I ended up moving into my fiancé’s house. I am seven months pregnant and still not married. Now, he says we should wait until after the baby is born, that we will get married in December. He called my parents and assured them that it will not pass this December before he comes to pay my bride price.
Now, the devastating thing that happened now is this: I travelled last week Thursday to spend the long independence holiday with my elder sister in Lekki. John told me that he was going to be busy this weekend so I felt, instead of sitting down at home, let me go and visit my sister.
I was supposed to come back Sunday morning but my sister got an emergency call to be in Abuja Sunday morning to meet with some Clients, so she left on Saturday afternoon and I did not want to stay in her place alone. I came back to my place on Saturday evening. Before I set out, I called my fiancé to tell him I was on my way home but his number was switched off.
Around 9.12pm, I got home in Magodo. I noticed John’s car was outside. I wanted to surprise him so I used my key to get in from the kitchen sides. I went straight to our bedroom and found John having with someone. On getting over my shock, I found out the person was my neighbor, a woman we called Aunty Pat.
This neighbor is someone that is seen as churchy and Christian. She is even older than me and John, she has grown children in boarding schools in UK. She used to encourage me to pray and even invited me for some of her church programs. I was so shocked and I collapsed. When I got myself, the woman had left, John was begging as usual.
I am tired and frustrated. John is actually a stupid boy. My eyes has become clear, I do not think he has any intention of marrying me. I have been crying and crying since Saturday night. I told my mother that I want to leave John but they are saying I should just try and ignore all that happened since John has promised marriage in December.
My parents are worried that I am going to be pregnant and unmarried and unemployed. The thing is John is always good at begging with gifts which I believe s even blinding my family’s eyes. In my heartbreak, I sent messages to this woman neighbor to curse her and ask her why she would do this to me after I took her as a family friend.
This woman had the guts to tell me that I am a foolish girl if I think John will ever marry me. And that even if he marries me, she will not be the only one f*cking him cos John is an adventurous person. I told John that the only way for me to forgive him is for us to move out and he stops every communication with this Aunty Pat.
John said he loves living in Magodo estate and there is no need to move out cos he would never make the mistake of cheating with Aunty Pat…that it was a mistake that he feels he was jazzed by her cos their affair even started before I moved in. Aunty Pat used to cook for John as a bachelor and that he thinks she used food to seduce him.
John said they had stopped seeing each other since I moved in but when I went to visit my sister that day, he got home and was hungry. That he was going to buy food but saw Aunty Pat who offered him food. She quickly brought him vegetable soup and pounded yam and that after eating, he just became powerless when she started to grab him for s*x.
Maybe I am stupid for John to think I will believe that lie. I am so depressed and want to leave this useless boy but everyone is saying I should not leave and give other girls including Aunty Pat opportunity to take away John finally from me. My take is: is John really mine? What will marriage do to change him?
Yes, he is financially ok. He treats me with lots of gifts and love but what about his womanizing’s? Some have said, its normal for successful men to cheat as they are constantly being surrounded by women. That all I should do is make sure I am the woman he chooses as his legal wife while others can be side chicks .
I am heavily pregnant…I know my fiancé loves me but his last betrayal is hard for me to overlook. Please help me. I am feeling stuck.
Anonymous
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You found out he had always been cheating, but still stayed with him. You said he is stupid yet you said, the only way you will take him back is if he leaves that house and stop communication with Pat…my sister, you are deceiving yourself oo.
Do not listen to your family, they are materialistic, they dont care about your welfare, he knows you are simple to deceive so he keeps using gifts to manipulate you and you are encouraging him.
Pls, it is not normal for successful men to cheat…it can never be normal. But on the other hand, if you are sleeping with him, pls stop it as sea before marriage is a great sin.
I advise you to quickly leave him and stand your ground when your family tells you to stay with him, what are you even doing in a mans house that is not your husband.
You will be fine Sister. You surely will
This is why it is always good for a lady to be independent and make extra income for herself instead of fully depending on a man for her welfare.
Sister, leave that relationship and stop getting bribed with his gifts. You will never know peace in this type of relationship as John will always continue to cheat on you without any respect. It will even get worse after marriage. So do yourself a favour and pull out now once and for all. Be courageous and strong enough to belief you will definitely succeed as a single mother and get married to someone else in the future. Find a job to be managing. You will be fine on your own eventually when you stop depending on his finances. About your child, make sure John continues to provide for him/her and let that be through bank account transfers or via ways that won’t involve you meeting John alone in a room or else you might fall into a vicious cycle of having S.e.x continously with him without any relationship progress, whenever you guys are alone together. So avoid him but make sure he keeps providing for the child.
I pray you get the wisdom and understanding to listen to the advices given to you to leave now.
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” if you should continue, your case will just be like that and it’s you who should be considered stupid for getting played continuously and not John (the smart guy).
I wish you well.
At this point I won’t advise you to leave unless it has become unbearable for you to stay with him.
What you need is a plan. Don’t talk to John about marriage again because he cannot be faithful to you or to any woman.
Start planning your life without John for now. Get as much resources as you can get from him and use it to start a business. You are pregnant and due soon so please don’t pressure yourself over this nonsense John is doing. As much as possible ignore him and focus on yourself and your baby and start planning for your future.
You don’t have to marry John!!!! In fact don’t marry John don’t tell him you are not going to marry him just play along since he is also playing with you.
When you have enough resources to help establish a business and also get steady income you can dump John and move on with your life.
Please don’t sleep with John, you may contract disease.
This is a bad advise, how can you tell her to scam John. Pls dear sister. Do not take this advise.