My Fiancée Kept Secrets Some Dangerous Secrets From Me-Please Advise
Hi,
I need your counsel. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for two and a half years. I love her to death and will do anything for her. She started dating me when I had nothing. We helped me get a job and by God’s grace, a doing very fine.
I proposed to her early this year and all ever think of is when we eventually get married. Five months ago, she travelled to New York for her best friend’s wedding. Most of her school alumni were in attendance.
When she returned, all was fine. She gisted me about all that happened and showed me pictures of places they visited. Like 3 weeks later after she returned, she was ill and I came to see her.
Her fever was becoming too high, so I took her to the hospital. I was scared cos I hoped it was not covid-19 cos she just returned from US and she really toured many places.
On getting to the hospital, she was admitted cos her fever was just too high. I left her that night and came the very next morning to see her. It was then that she started to cry on seeing me.
I was worried…I feared the worst had happened. All she said was she was very sorry but she refused to say. The doctor cam e and asked if I was her husband, i said…no, her fiancé…he looked at both of u and told my girl to talk to me
I feared it was a terminal disease or something horrible. I kept begging her to tell me but she said when we get home. She was discharged that day.
On getting home, I begged her to tell me. And she said…she was pregnant. I was like
…oh…I thought we were using protection…and then she said …she made a mistake and slept with someone, a former classmate in New York.
I looked at her in disbelief. My girlfriend is the only person I trust with my life in the whole world. I couldn’t recognize what she told me she did.
It was an emotional couple of days for me. I was disappointed and in complete disbelief. But a week later, I called her and told her I forgive her…that she should do a D and C…and we can move on.
That was when my girlfriend….the love of my life told me she has no plans of taking out the pregnancy. That she wants me to move on. In shock…I asked her her why…she says she and her former classmate spoke and he asked her to keep the baby.
That he’s been married for 3 years without a child. And he feels God gave him a blessing through her. So what about me? She said she’s sorry but I have to move on.
Believe it or not…till today… I don’t know why my girlfriend did this or refused to choose us. So I have been so heart broken until last week. My girl reached out to me…and said she has removed the pregnancy and she wants me to consider forgiving her and taking her back.
I swear to God… I wanted to jump for joy but then…I have questions….I asked her to tell me what happened and she said…its too painful to talk about…that she believed a lie and she just wants to move on.
Well…I told her that for us to move on…she has to come completely clean…or nothing…she says she does not know i will still want her if I know the real truth of what really happened.
And then, I told her that no matter what happened, I will forgive her. After crying and begging. She made me swear to forgive her after she tells me…and I swore that I will forgive her no matter what…in my heart…I was wondering what could be worse than getting pregnant for another man?
When she then told me that she slept with her best friend’s husband whom she attended their wedding…who she was maid of honor for…I wish didn’t promise to forgive her.
All the stories she told me about how it happened did not make any sense to me…bottom line is…she slept with her best friend’s husband few days before their wedding…she cheated on her fiancé and got pregnant in the process.
Now…for me…this is not the same girl 8 fell on love with.. she is displaying a character O never knew she had…she is a cheat ,a liar and a backstabbing woman. She went on to explain how that she had a secret crush on the guy and that she knew the guy liked her but chose her friend but while in New York, the guy came to her hotel room…talking regrets that he wish he expressed himself to her…it was supposed to be a crush but she made a mistake and took it further.
To God who made me…I feel like we are done…how do we ever build trust again? I love her but I don’t trust her…she said it was an error on her side…bla bla bla…if I was the one who committed such a huge error…Will she consider forgiving me? She said yes but its easier said than done…right???
I am broken…sad and I don’t know what to do…should I move on? Can we ever make it if we try? Has anyone been in similar situation before? Were you able to completely forgive and move on? Its hard to move on I must admit …this lady was there for me in so many ways…I still cant get over how she let this happen…what should I do?
Please advise me
Anonymous
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Please move on, that lady has been cheating on you long before now, just that you haven’t noticed,the reason you found out was because she had high fever which is part of the symptoms with early pregnancy,if not you wouldn’t have known she slept with her best friend’s husband. I understand that you love her and she has been good to you but the thing is there is a big difference between courtship and marriage, are you ready forgive and forget totally and then begin to trust her all over again in marriage? It is up to you,she had one yeye rubbish crush on her best friend’s husband, doesn’t that sound crazy and absurd,meanwhile she has someone like you and yet she committed the rubbish and still killed innocent baby. It is better you end things now than divorce in future. Peace
When I say don’t trust people, including your spouse, people accuse me of wanting to destroy marriages, see how married people are committing adultery, and yet some people will still be preaching trust makes a marriage work…..absolute rubbish. Bro, its up to you, all I have to tell you is this, your happiness is your hands, and DONT EVER TRUST ANYONE, you even said you trust her with your life, can you now see in right to tell people not to trust anyone even your spouses. Wake up bro, love yourself and dont trust anyone. Humans are very deceitful. GOD bless you man.
I think you should give her space.
She is unstable and not loyal. If she can do that to her best friend, I don’t think she is ready for marriage.
If she didn’t get pregnant, you wouldn’t have known about the affair.
What does she want? I don’t think she knows.
Please let her be. She needs to go and learn how to be a person with integrity and discipline.
Also take some time out to heal before embarking on any relationship.
I think both of you can work this out.
She has realised her mistakes.
There’s room for forgiveness in relationships.
I know it’s hard but please forgive her from your heart.
Why she did what she did is no excuse but forgive her and try to build up your relationship with her.
If she’s willing not to make that same mistake I believe the relationship will work out.
I think she hv realized her mistake!if truly she has nd has gotten rid of the pregnancy then forgive her nd try to forget,,, I know is hard but for the sake of love,,,just forgive her move on
Make swear nd promise never to cheat on u again or communicate with her best friend’s husband! though u can give yourself some time to heal from the hurt b4 moving on with her
Forgive her and let her GO.
Bro. If you choose to forgive or not, just know that you are her second choice… she never and might not value you.
But if you feel that she is the one for you, proceed with caution
I would have said you forgive her but I think there’s more to this story than she’s saying. So she told you to move on. Then came back and said the truth about who the real owner of the pregnancy is. What transpired between that time and the time she had the DNC and came back asking for forgiveness. Some people are good for relationships but not marriage. Let’s learn to trust absolutely no one. Even your shadow disappears at night.
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