Hello Ma,
Please I need your advise. My fiance and I have been together for almost 4 years. The first 2 years was actually long distance because I was in Ibadan at the time. I moved to Lagos where I have my business.
We done our introduction and our wedding was supposed to be this month of May but have moved it to September because of the pandemic. But something really bad happened last weekend and my fiance has called off our marriage,I need help.
Last week,I was at his place when his friend came to visit. They have been friends for over a decade and I see him more like a brother now cos of their relationship. So,we had a house party and everyone was lit. His Friend calls me sister B. I never for once saw him as anything but a brother.
Another of his friend also came around that Friday. My fiance actually asked me to make Asun,peppered chicken with cold drinks. We were all having fun,gisting,dancing and all. It was just a fun time. I had danced and twerked on my man and everyone was cheering.
At some point, Doug (My fiance’s friend),said to me:sister,excuse me dance. He was looking at my fiance and he gave a look of approval. We started dancing,he was cheering me,I tweaked on him and maybe it went too far but in all honestly,I never saw it as anything.
My fiance was not really looking at us or so I thought. Everyone twerks these days. I mean,its a common dance and twerking does not mean you want to have s*x with the person you are with. Especially not one you consider a brother.
We danced a little more before other things and we went to bed around 4am that day. I went to sleep drunk as was everyone else. Most of us woke up late on Saturday. When I woke up,my fiance had gone out. I started to clean up the kitchen cos it was a mess.
My phone buzzed with the sms sound. I checked and found an sms from Dough. It read:last night was da bomb,I couldn’t sleep cos your twerking left me with a hard on that I cant think straight. I was still dazzled at the text when I got a whatsapp image from him and it was a picture of his large hard rock c*ck.
My mouth dropped. I called him immediately and was like bro,wtf? What are you trying to do? He picked up and was just laughing. I was too furious to think. I went straight to the guest room where he was. My intention was to confront him and warn him not to ruin my relationship and his too with my fiance.
Dough was still too drunk cos as I trying to shout at him to stop this craziness,this dude was up feeling me and rubbing me with his c*ck. At this point,I was trying to free myself from his grip. I was also conscious of not shouting cos we had the other friend in the other room too.
I panicked. I should have screamed but I just kept pushing him away and whispering,stop it Dough,stop it and the fool kept saying:quit acting like you don’t want me. In that split second of craziness,my fiance walked in and saw me and Dough in a compromising position. Of course,Dough was gripping and pressing on me.
I was pushing but my fiance didn’t see that cos Dough had his back on him when he opened the door.My fiance thought we were making out cos I was not shouting. Dough quickly freed me and was trying to say rubbish,oh sorry bro. Nothing happened …we were just playing,nothing happened.
I left there feeling violated and feeling so upset. Went straight to our room cos Dough and my fiance were already fighting. I had to go wake up the other guy who came and tried to separate them. It was so embarrassing and I felt so bad.
Next thing,my fiance came at me,calling me a whore. Saying he couldn’t believe I would be messing with his best friend. I was like:are you for real? Your friend tried to force himself on me and you say I am messing with him? Why would I think of that? Even if I was messing with him,would it be in your house?
My fiance said he suspected from the way I was twerking on him yesterday. That I was the one who gave his friend approval to try to force himself on me. He said his friend said I was twerking and rubbing his manhood that he thought I was into him.
Dough blamed alcohol for his behaviour towards me. That I was the one who came to his room that morning after trying to turn him on during the dance last night. It was like a nightmare…I wished I could wake up from…I couldn’t believe this dude trying to frame me to my fiance.
I had to show my fiance the text and picture he sent,I was trying to caution him and ask him not to try that craziness with me,that was why I went to his room. My fiance was like,I should not have gone to his room and looking at it now,I should not have. But in all honesty and sincerity,I was not looking at it like that. I went there as his sister to warn him to stop that crap cos he was still laughing when I called his phone.
My fiance is so angry that he called off our marriage. I have begged and begged and he says he is done. That I broke up a relationship with his friend of over 12 years. He said he trusts his friend and that I actually led him on. What did I not say to try and defend myself. My fiance didn’t listen.
He threw my things out of his apartment.I was angry. I was begging him ..I also tried calling Dough to tell him the truth but he had left. I begged and begged. The more I begged,the more he humiliated me. Even his other friend begged but he seemed possessed. I had to get an Uber and moved my stuff to my place.
There is nothing I have not done to beg my fiance. My family is upset with me but they have even begged him,yet he says its over. I cannot keep begging him to marry me. I was not at fault. I never for one day had any feelings for Douglas his friend.
I always saw him as a brother hence even when he was feeling me that morning,I didn’t want to shout so he would not get into trouble yet I am being blamed for not shouting cos I wanted it.
I am tired. I love my fiance. I do not know what else to do to save my relationship. He has deleted all our pictures together on social media. My heart is aching from heartbreak. I have been embarrassed,humiliated,called a whore and all sorts when I did nothing. I need advise,please advise me.
Anonymous Poster
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Sorry to go through such a situation.give it a time if he truly loves you he will forgive cos that is what love is all about.i will not leave my girl cos if this
My dear you should have wait for your fiance to come nd show him what his friend sent to you. Nd you made a very big mistake by twerking on your fiance friend leg even when he say go head you should have come up with one excuse if possible make it look like a big deal. Ok after twerking on him look what happened how do you even defend yourself no body will want to believe you gosh you fuck up
Just move on with your life in your next relationship you will no how to distance yourself from your fiance friend, there is no need trying to defend yourself because it what a man see he believes even when the true is in front of him please i rest my case.
wow, you have to relax, I believe your story and honestly I know how your guy is feeling right now, the rage is enormous. I believe you made a wrong decision to twerk and. Dance with your fiance best friend because it’s obvious he was crushing on you. Now all you have to do is give your fiance time and space, from time to time, apologise to him sincerely and let him know you are sorry for your part in the whole mess and make him understand you guys had no s*x. As for the best friend do not contact him anymore or seek his help, if he has conscience he will apologise to you and his best friend and tell him the whole truth. However get people who your fiance hold in high esteem to talk to him. Quit the club life and develop some serious values for yourself, it will help your image as a lady too. Don’t also forget to pray, God needs to touch him and heal his heart.
Your story is heartbreaking. I think you should just let things be. Its not the end of the world. Just focus on yourself and try to cheer yourself on.
Stop begging and humiliating yourself!!!!, it only will make matters worse.
Your Fiancé also has to deal with his pain and come to believe in you before your relationship with him can continue.
Therefore, leave your fiance alone; stop blaming yourself and keep living.
Living: meaning move on with other important things and focus your energy on those things.
Finally pray that God will heal your heart and strengthen you and bring helpers alone your way.
Well the mistake has been done. I guess you should give him space, stop calling, texting or pleading. Give him space. But then commit it all in God hands.
Just give him some time to digest what happened.
Love is always base on trust n from your story your guy don’t trust I suggest u let him go because I don’t think he love you the way u love him
He would have let it go if he really love n want to be with you and how I wish your fiancé friend can say the truth to clear your name
This very difficult but try to calm down focus more on trying to heal so many misconceptions but don’t lose hope things will be alright just give it time n let him be dont push him any further if he wants to forgive but if not let him be truth is u can’t force yourself on any one take it easy
Your mistake started with the twerking.
Coz u led him on.
Nah u cause wahala
You started all this wahala by that twerk dance. You shouldn’t have done that with someone who is not your spouse.
Well, I believe your plea of innocence, but, you acted more foolishly by going to meet him in the room, after he sent you the pix of his hard d*ck.
You need to keep the communication line between you and your fiance open. Keep texting, calling him with tears and telling him of your innocence. Ask God to intervene in the matter. Seek for help from people you know your husband respects.
I believe with little time and God’s intervention, he will come back to you.
Just allow him be for now. Pray about this! Allow God to take control of the situation
My friend you did a very big mistake,how can you a wife to be,if not for the lockdown you would have been married in this month of May,you have allowed twerking and alcohol ruin 4years relationship and even 12 years friendship. Talk to his relation about it or whoever he listens to, to plead on your behalf. You have just failed the test your fiance and his friend gave you .Sorry okay,just keep begging ooooo.
From all these, it obvious you brought this upon yourself and you’ve made the mistake already….. twerking on your guy’s friend, not showing the text and the picture to him first and going to meet him or confront him all in the name of trying to also protect him like you said.
You’ve apologized countless times and to no avail, he’s really hurt and betrayed prompting his actions….I pray he forgives you but if he doesn’t, take this as a lesson and move on with your life… it’s not the end for you dear.
You lost your fiance to lack of discretion. You are truly in a fix right now. You need to give him a little time to process the event and get his conclusion right. I will advise you talk to his pastor or any one you think he respect and hold in high esteem. You can obviously do little on your own. Give it time, events will sort itself.
Broken engagement is better than broken marriage,the guy does not trust her a bit before the incident so she should just relax for now, something good might come up hopefully,but I doubt it, pray what will be will be.Marriage no be by force,stop begging if he’s your he will come back,men don’t worth your TEARS ABEG.Feel good God will vindicate you my Sister.
What u should have been was to shout as I got there,or beta still u shouldn’t have evn tried going to his room ,n then Dough is holding u n trying to force himself on u,what u would have done was to shout let everybody hear,becos at the end to the day,u would be blamed,just like now,but try giving him some time to cool off,if he’s truly urs,he will come back,but for now stop begging him,as much as u can try to distract urself with anything u can to keep ur mind occupied. N please stop begging him oo,becos the more u beg him,the more insult u receive. Shalom
Stop calling/begging him for now rather go to God always in prayer. Tell God to heal your heart and that of your guy. You can call him again and apologize. If he accepts you, good but if he doesn’t then move on with your life. The most important thing is that you innocent. God will give you another guy.
You messed up big time but try and put yourself together, This is not the end of the world. You have done enough pleading and apologising so give him some space. If he is truly into you like you are into him he will come back but if not move on. As for your fiance he needs to grow up, if he cannot trust and forgive you now when will he start. Marriage is between two forgivers not for someone who can choose a friend over his fiancee. Pray about it, if is God’s will both of you will end up together he will come back but if not move on with your life and be careful in your next relationship. And please Give your life to Christ.
So sorry for all the pains u are going through.jst let things lie low for now.trust me,ur fiance Will come back to you,I believed he’s still very hurt and angry.he’s friend is such an animal! He’s just the cause of this whole mess.
Hello,
This is a really bad situation but I want to encourage you to stop feeling sad and take better decisions going forward.
You were either too naive or got carried away. Twerking is a sensual dance I suppose. That should be reserved for only those you are in a serious relationship with.
And then,when he sent the sms and picture,that was you opportunity to set thing straight but you took a wrong decision by going to his room and not screaming when he came on you.
It must feel really embarrassing and humiliating. All you can do is let things go the natural course.
Send your fiance a letter of apology for not making the best of decisions but reiterate that you did nothing wrong.
After that,let him be. Perhaps,when he is calmer,he would see things more clearly and perhaps with counseling later on,you both can work things out.
Next time,please make better decisions especially when you find yourself in compromising positions.
Be at peace…learn your lesson and love on.
Cheers