Hello ma’am,
I need your advise. I have been dating a lovely lady for the past one year and she is beginning to ask me where this relationship is heading to. The truth is that I love her a lot but I have a few concerns and that is why I have not really made up my mind about PROPOSING TO HER.
Again,that is why I need our advise. My girl is lovely,sweet and smart. We met in a conference in South Africa last year. She is a top executive in her job and has a very high career. I love a career woman because I do not want to marry a lazy person but she also seems a bit hot headed (very opinioned) and lacks domestic skills.
By hot headed,she leads a team of high class executives,so she kind of has a sense of strong confidence that makes it seem like she cannot be a submissive wife if we get married. For example,she has never cooked a meal since we been dating. She has a chef and I belief she will have one when we get married.
She never does anything domestic. And I grew up knowing that women are care givers for a home. How will she care for our home if she is not domestic? She never washes anything, never cleans anything. One time, I asked her to cook something for us,instead of her chef. She ended up ordering for Chinese food.
Note,its not like she cannot cook but she says she does not believe a woman has to cook to be WIFE MATERIAL. I told her that sometimes,to have an intimate family moment,its important to do things by yourself for your family. She said that is old fashioned. And that is why I have been holding back.
To be fair,she has said that she will try as much as possible to be a little more domestic when we get married. That maybe marriage will make her more like conscious. I know she loves me and may try to make an effort for me but I just don’t know.
Another major reason also is that my family will not understand her. She is not the type of African girl that will do certain things expected when in-laws come around.
For example, I have not taken her to see my family because I know she is very opinionated and my family might see her as disrespectful. I know some may say we are not compatible but we are. I enjoy talking with her, I enjoy being with her, she motivates me to be a better person in terms of my professional ambitions and career.
I just do not think she is the best wife material because she is not domestic in any way. I could ignore her inability to be domestic but what if something happens in future (which I pray not) and we are unable to keep up with her lifestyle of hiring other people to do domestic work.
What if our children end up being like her? Note,I am not expecting her to act like a full time house wife. I just wish she would do come domestic stuff by herself once in a while. No one knows tomorrow…and what if she is unable to submit as a wife when we get married…I may not care that she is the way she is now but what if things change tomorrow?
I just need objective advice…I know no one is perfect…I just want to be fair to her and to myself.
Anonymous Email Post
Photo Credit:shandeanreid
Please, share your fears and worries with her. The ball is both in your courts. Have a lengthy discussion with her about what you have told us and let her know that you love her qualities but that what you have shared with us is a concern to you. From your discussions, you would know whether you should move on or stick to her. Also, if both of you are Christians, you can take her to church where marriage/relationship talks are given. Find marriage/relationship talks where these issues have been discussed and play it for her when you are together, then, get her marriage/relationship books for women and you also need to read those that are for men too. Joyce Meyer, John and Diana Hagee, Paul and Becky Enenche, Gary Chapman, etc(find their books on relationships/marriage), would help a long way. Becky Enenche’s books and messages on marriage is highly recommended. She teaches women how to submit and take care of their husbands, no matter how highly placed they are. I am an opinionated and hot-headed lady, but those books have helped me a lot. All the best!
Please have a heart to heart discussion with her about your concerns…and know her stands on the matter, if it proves abortive…you should know the next line of action.
Pls do not paint her good if she is not,there is so much in marriage than you think.She is a high class babe therefore she can’t stoop so low to do all those domestic stuffs .In conclusion, look for your level,I take God beg you
Fear cannot subsist where love thrives. With this kind of fear,insecurities are rife. Its okay to have concerns, have a deep seated talk with her on these issues and also hear her out too. Relationship books already recommended helps if you both will put it together in practice. Above all pray and keep an open mind. A fearful mind builds alot of topsy turvy castles that can crash your relationship. Don’t be the regular Joe or have the African mentality about women,you cannot judge a book by its cover. I believe your answer is near of you look,think and listen deeply
I feel it will be a difficult one… even if you try to manage with her now…it will still pop up tomorrow after you are married. Then again your family…. You as a person have an issue with it and your family will too…so the difference are there stirring at you already.
Sgazel has said it all please adhere to what seems said nothing more to add.
Sit her down and talk to her…Rub minds together and I know it will go a long way in tour relationship…
If she doesn’t make an adjustment, I know you know what to do… Decide on the next line of action…
Peace
Hello sir.
There’s No fear in perfect love. Every relationship and blissful marriage is built on such. But if you begin to feel concern on some issues (as you have put them here in few words) on whom you intend to spend the rest of your life with, therefore you need to be cautious.
Seriously, sit her down and tell her your fears and as a matter of fact, what you are looking for in your marriage.
Your communications and reasonings together will give you an idea for your next line of action.
You know what you want….Go for it !!!
Pray for one another also.
The truth is that your girlfriend us not your type, but i think you should have a serious discussion with her if its not yielding something positive just let her go so she can meet the right person for her and you as well. But most importantly discuss with her, so she understands your fears snd that of your family.
Sit down. Do a deep sober and sincere reflection and ask yourself with your head working not just your heart that if she is like this in marriage, can you take, endure and live with all this?
If you are sure you can take,endure and live with it after this,go ahead.
If you can’t, pull out now.
It can be difficult to change someone inside a marriage.
God will help you.
Discuss your fears with her. Her response will tell you what to do
Hello,
What I see is a man who is insecure. Stop thinking like every average Joe. Sometimes in life,you meet someone who is not like everyone else but you click with them and it does not matter if they are like anyone else or not.
This lady may not be domestic but she might be someone who makes you extremely happy and make you a better person.
Being domestic is not a major factor except you want it to be.
So,its really up to you…if this is such a big deal…then leave her alone.
There are many women like Ngozi Okonjo Eweala who are not fulfilling their purpose by being like every normal wife material.
So its either you accept her the way she is or leave her. Do not expect her to change after marriage.
Cheers
[…] Cuppy Reveals Interesting Marriage Proposal She Received Via […]