Hello,
I am in love with the woman of my dreams but right now,I am very confused.. I need your advice. Please hide my identity. Shiela (not real name) and I met during her youth service at the ministry almost 7 years ago. She was posted to our company for her service year.
Every guy in our company wanted Shiela. She was like the prettiest girl anyone has ever seen . Her laugh was magical,her dimple would make you go crazy. Word had it though that she was a very well brought up girl,she rejected all the advances to her by the guys.
Strangely,she warmed up to me. I was the one she would call if she had any issues with her system since I was the company Tech guy. I gave her lots of movies and that helped our friendship cos we would later gist about the movies that we both watched.
I got her a blackberry phone for her birthday and when I asked to be my girlfriend,she said yes. It was the happiest time in my life. I had a cute girlfriend. And on top of it,she was a virgin. I knew I was going to marry her,no matter what happens.
So we dated for almost 19 months before I got admission to do my masters abroad. It was a tough decision but we agreed to wait for each other. Sheila gave me her virginity as my parting gift. It was very emotional and leaving her was very tough. Immediately I got into Germany,I made sure I stayed in touch with her. I tried to call her or do skype everyday.
Things were great but then I made a stupid mistake. I went partying with friends and started an affair with a German girl I met at a party. I knew it was wrong but I told myself it was nothing just shagging,nothing more.
But this Dutch girl wanted more. She found out I had a girlfriend back home and search for Shiela on social media. Sent her a DM and told Shiela to forget about me. Oh that spoilt everything. Sheila broke up with me. I begged and begged. But withing a month,Sheila told me she was in a relationship.
Long story short,e both moved on even though we still had strong feelings for each other. That was a huge mistake. Sheila got married in less than a year. I tried to check up on her once in a while but she never responded. Three years later, Sheila’s husband dies in an accident. They have only one child.
When I heard Sheila’s husband passed,I was already back in the country so I reached out to her and started trying to win her back. At first,she refused because she thought people might say she is happy her husband is dead so she can go back to her ex.
Eventually though…she gave in and we started to build our relationship. I bought a house in Lekki to be close to her. I got her new car.Everything was going well. Until I proposed to Shiela and she rejected my proposal. It was shocking because I thought she wanted to be with me forever. On getting her to explain,she said she will never get married to me.
Why?…because she feels I betrayed her once and cannot be faithful because of our past where I cheated with that foreign lady. She said she gave me her virginity and betrayed her…I agree I made a mistake but that is in the past …I want her to move on and forgive me. She loves me clearly…she wants us to be together as lovers but not married.
I do not want to be lovers…not just lovers. I want more. I want to be married to her.That is why I am confused. I get it that virginity is a big deal but cant she just get over it? Its been almost a year that I have been begging her to marry me but she still remain adamant…
How do I convince her that I am sorry for the past? Please advise me…how do I get Sheila to marry me?
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It’s a bad thing to betray a loved one…It hurts so much…
My advice is try and have to deep talk with her again and if she gives you the same reply,then please look for an alternative….it’s not the end of the world…
The babe is obviously still hurt. I think you should try and talk to people she respects and listen to, like her parents, siblings, Pastor etc.
Also your Lady must be willing to make a conscious effort to forgive and give you another chance and not keep bringing up the past.
Discuss everything with those she respects.
The babe is obviously still hurt. I think you should try and talk to people she respects and listen to, like her parents, siblings, Pastor etc.
Also your Lady must be willing to make a conscious effort to forgive and give you another chance and not keep bringing up the past.
Discuss all these with those she respects.
I think u should let that woman be,i don’t think she still loves u or still feels the same way u feel for her. So i suggest u let her go,if she can’t forgive u after so many years of ur begging n she still hold a grudge against u,then u should let that woman be. U really won’t know what God is trying to keep u away from. Let go off that woman n move on so that u don’t have any regrets in the nearest future. I know its hurting to be betrayed ,but then , it’s been a long time since it happened,so she should have let everything go by now n u can see that she is not ready to forgive u, but why did she accepted u back? if she’s not letting go off a grudge now after so many years,what happens wen u guys gets married? I once gave my vriginity to someone who didn’t care but turns back to betray me with another woman i didn’t kill him ,i didn’t go back to him becos i was very hurt, that’s becos i don’t want to hold anything against him. If i went back to him i will be remembered of all the betrayal n hurts. So let that woman go so that u can fyn another woman to marry that will give u happiness n peace of mind, remember that peace is everything u want in life n marriage .My thought though.
Trust is very fragile and shouldn’t be broken. Most people find it hard to trust again especially when it’s the same person that broke it.
She needs more time dont push it, and while she’s healing prove to her that you’re a changed person and she can trust you again.
If she doesn’t come around and you’re not patient to keep waiting for her then you just let it go and find another woman, and this time around pls dont hurt her.
She’s still hurt, she has to forgive you for you guys to be together and that might take time. Make her trust you again…and if you can’t wait, my brother move on. Also don’t forget to pray about it, it might just be Gods will for you!
You’ve begged for her forgiveness a year plus… Please stop hurting yourself and move on.
hello,
Not much you can do…sincerely,you cannot force her given her reasons.
I would say its simple…time heals …so give her time.
If you have not got time…then move on.
All the best
You made a huge mistake. There are some ladies you don’t mess with. She trusted you but you ruined it big time. She takes trust seriously. If you truly love her, try to win her back. Explain to her the need for you to settle down. Maybe she will change her mind