My Husband Walked Out Of Our Marriage After 11 Years Of Maltreatment-Pls Advise
Why are some men so ungrateful and egoistic? When you marry a good woman, you should be grateful and not treat her bad. So, my marriage has been nothing short of disappointment from day one. When we got married eleven years ago, my husband was doing well financially. I also had a good paying job.
The issue however was that my husband never respected my opinion as a wife. His siblings moved in with us and we were having several challenges. From disrespect to abuse. Anytime I complained, my husband would say they are my in-laws, that its my duty to make them feel happy in his house.
Anytime they did anything, my husband will take sides with them. They became so bold that they will even be dictating for me. I was raised in a very godly home so divorce was out of the question for me. Even when I knew my husband was cheating on me with several women, I still maintained being a virtuous wife.
In 2017, my husband was defrauded to the tune of 290M. That almost killed him. But thank God, he did not die. Since his business collapsed, I had to be the bread winner of the house. Even as the breadwinner of the house, my husband and his siblings continued to disrespect me. I took it with pain and humility.
This continued for a long time. Every time, they will be telling me this is their brother’s house and that its only my children that are legitimate, that me, I am an outsider. Four years ago, I went to a woman empowerment program and from there I learnt how to start saving and planning for my future.
Without my husbands knowledge, I bought a and and built a house. My plan was to use it for rent and be getting additional income. Unfortunately, we lost our house this year cos the bank my husband borrowed from for his business, came and gave us quit notice.
Everyone felt we were going to relocate to village cos that where my husband has another house but I told my husband that I am not going to village. I told him about the house and that me and my children will be moving into the house. By the grace of God, I finished decorating the house and me and my children moved in.
When my husband’s siblings saw I built a house, they wanted to come and live with us but I refused. I only even allowed my husband to come with us cos he is the father of y children if not, he too would follow his rude and wicked family members. Yes, I built a big twin duplex and boys quaters but these people will not smell near the house.
They tried to make trouble that I used their brother’s money to build the house but they failed cos I went to police to report them and police picked them up and warned them not to come near me or my house again or they will be arrested. My husband now threatened to divorce me if I do not allow his siblings.
I laughed very hard and told him to go ahead and get the divorce papers for me to sign. I was ready to deal with anyone that will try and mess up my happiness. I have never been happy in this marriage and I saved us by making plans for the rainy day yet they have the audacity to threaten me.
My husband moved to the village and thought the village people can intimidate me. His family even accused me of planning his downfall so I can disgrace their son. They say I made him loose all his wealth so I can control him. Well, I told them, I am not the one that chased him out of our marriage. He used his two legs to walk out, he told my family that he is not marrying me anymore and its been almost two years now.
Now, its like his eyes are open now: things are very hard for him and his family. The tune has changed. They are now begging me to forgive and forget…that we should reconcile. For the sake of the children…bla bla bla…etc. Much as I want to accept my husband but anytime I remember how he and his family treated me for eleven years of marriage, I feel I should just ignore them cos they might come back and do worse.
Even right now, I am trying tp pick up my life again. I met a widower who is friends with me. He likes me, respects me, shows me love that my own husband never showed me and wants to marry me but I told him that I want to wait at least three years after my marriage is finalized before I can go into any romantic relationship.
Ma, I have tried. I have not had s*x in three years. I do not love my husband anymore. I am not even sure I loved him in 10 years out of our 11 years of marriage cos the maltreatment from his family lasted almost all through our marriage. I deserve to be happy.
My husband is begging and swearing that he has changed and learnt his lesson. I want to believe him but I am afraid that he may only be doing this just to come back to Lagos cos village is not favoring him. His siblings have been calling and begging me for money to feed almost every time.
Should I accept him back? How do I know he has changed in less than two years after what he did for almost 10 years? Is this a trap? Or should I forget him and push for the finalization of the divorce? I was a good wife to him but he was a very bad husband to me. His family made me suffer and unhappy for many years.
What should I do, please advise me.
Anonymous
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Please don’t accept him back….He would do worse things to you if you do…
His family caused his downfall and they should dance to their tunes….Run far away from them and please be very prayerful cause they might be desperate to be diabolical with you…
He hasn’t changed neither his family….
Don’t ever accept him back, he is coming back for revenge of which you did no wrong to him and his family.
Continue to move on without looking back and pls, be prayerful cause they can go at any length at being diabolical when you have refused to change your mind.
Also, guard your children too cause they might want to kidnap and take them away from you, you can as well change their school from the one they know to a different school.
I wish you all the best.
I must commend your boldness and courage,you are indeed a wise and virtuous woman, you are so reasonable,sensible,proactive,a goal getter,you are indeed the definition of ”what a man can do,a woman can do better and even more. I love you ma’am. Please take care of yourself and children, take your time before going into any relationship. Stay far from that man and his family, when he had money he treated you so badly, he even encouraged his siblings to do same to you,now he wants to come back. My question is,if you had not built that house,will he be begging and willing to come back to you? This is someone who already threatened to divorce you oooo. Nne,you have been unhappy for 10 or 11years,please you deserve to be happy now ,enjoy the beautiful life and children that God has blessed you with. You are a super woman,I hail you.
Hmm. This time I will have to go against the general advises.
Normally I don’t comment on marital issues that involves divorce or separation of the couple as divorce is a strong issue in the Bible and also because we only hear one side of the story hear (which is only that of the poster who is always the victim). If you should ask two people why they didn’t work out, most times, both of them will definitely give answers to say it was the other person that didn’t make it work. Everyone is always forming the victim, where as, some people have natural negative characters that pushes a good person to become bitter too. Anyway that’s another talk for another day.
My counsel is – If you are truly a Believer who doesn’t support divorce easily, you should be able to forgive your Husband and give him a chance to live with you again. We always say that people don’t change their nature but if a heart is truly willing to change, we should always create a room for them. Since you never divorced your Husband, it will be wrong to go into another relationship when your Husband wants a second chance. Pls try to be lenient and give him a chance again. Give yourself time to love him again. Go on dates and outings as couples and rekindle the old fire that made you to wish to get married to each other. Try to work on your marriage again, work on your Husband and let love grow again between you two. Try to create happiness with him again together instead of doing it alone. Remember he is still the Father of your children.They deserve a second chance with their true Father. He might be coming back for his own selfish reasons like to prosper in the city and then find a new place to stay but still give him a chance. You won’t be sure if he has truly changed except if you gave him a chance. Just don’t let your Husband’s siblings stay with you again to avoid more wahala. Those ones will definitely never change when they are bellefull. And if ur husband should later insist on bringing them back to live with you, make sure you chase him and the siblings away the second time since the house is your own. He must start respecting your decisions too.
If things turned again from bad to worse like how it happened in the first phase of your marriage, then seek for divorce and make sure it is legally backed. I support you going for happiness but give him a second chance before casting him away fully. Everyone deserves a second chance when they realise where they erred and when they are willing to work on themselves to become better.
May God give you the spirit of wisdom to decide rightly. It is well.
This is the best advice I have come across recently.
I think you should give him a chance and observe as to wether he really meant what he said and be very clear about his siblings
Bob Dammy, this is one of the best advise I have ever heard, if we had more counselors like you in The body of Christ, the divorce rate will decrease. Divorce is encourage even among christians. I have met people who have been married many times and still divorce. My mother and father were separated for years, they got back together and their relationship was the best in our family. One of the major problem that this couple had was allowing the man’s family to move into their home, most Africans do not stop their relatives from interfering in their relationships. Bible says a man shall leave his father and mother and his relatives and cleave to his wife, this means separating from family members.
Don’t take him back if you don’t love him again. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you take him back. Get a lawyer, let your husband get a lawyer then sign an agreement that he doesn’t have any beneficial interest nor will he ever claim any interest in your house if you’ll consider taking him back. And manage your money on your own if you should ever take him back.
You saved while you were in your husbands house now things are working for you. You suddenly remembered h was rude and you never loved him. If he had kicked you out would have you have built that house. Humans
Babes my candid advice to you is that you move on with your life period.. there’s nothing to consider there.
He hasn’t changed and he and his family will do worse things to you… You think they are truly sorry???
I think you should move on, he will never change, they don’t, in the first place you didn’t ask him to leave he choose his siblings instead of you and the children, now he wants to come back because things are not going well for him, not because he realized that he has wronged you, if things have turned well for him, he would have replaced you by now without a backward glance, forgive him but don’t allow him back into your life, those saying she should allow him back, what if she dies in the process of not wanting to divorce?
Pls move on with u life…is ungrateful hubby