My Marriage Started To Breakdown After We Became Rich -Pls Advise
Good Morning ma,
Please pray for me and advise me. I don’t know who else to talk to cos I have told myself that divorce is not an option for me but I so pushed to the wall that I don’t know if I can still keep my promise of no divorce.
My name is Lilly (not real name). I am 45 years old. Married for 16 years and with three children between the ages of 15 and 11. I met my husband when he was just earning 25k as a security officer years back. But I fell in love with his kindness and heart. He was from a polygamous home, things were rough for him but he was a very dedicated Christian.
I fell in love with his dreams and ambitions. He swore, one day, he would go back to school and I was the first person to believe in that dream. I was working in the bank and earning well as a young woman. I helped him pay his school fees. And before long, we became very close when he was in 200 level.
Our love grew and we got married when he was in 300 level. He had nothing but so much love, kindness and very humble. He helped me alot, raised the children with me. He was the best husband any woman could wish for. Our first child was 3 years old when he graduated. He could not get a decent job so he came to help me grow my frozen foods side business.
I left my banking job to join him in the business when I had our third child. It was a difficult pregnancy. Together, we managed to run the business and even though we were not so wealthy, we were comfortable.
God blessed us, my husband finally got a job and he left the business for me to run. Things began to change for us. My husband is very smart too. He got promoted and rewarded very frequently in his job. He changed jobs very soon and he got bigger offers.
That was when I noticed he was changing. He began unkind to me and the children. He stopped helping out with anything like he used to. I did not mind too much because the children were grown but I missed having my very caring husband. He kept late nights in the name of work or traffic.
He gave me money but I did not have his attention. His work became more important that our family. The kids missed him, I missed him. I tried to talk to him several times but he said I was over reacting. We quarreled more and more cos we never seemed to see eye to eye on anything.
We stopped sleeping together cos we moved into our house we built. He got his own room and gave me mine. I hated the idea but he refused to change his mind. My husband is so rich now that he does not take my advise, he does not ask me anything. He has become proud and talks roughly to me and the children. We now avoid him.
The children and I wish things can go back to normal so we can all be happy. When I try to communicate that to my husband …he misinterprets it and says I want him to go back to being broke so I can continue to control his life.
The biggest change in my life now, is that women are now flocking all around him. He says he is not doing anything like cheating but if he is not sleeping with his wife, he thinks I am stupid enough to believe he is not sleeping with someone else? I suspect he has a concubine or so…cos he spends time outside for days sometimes.
Ma…I am tired. I tried to ask our pastor and elders too counsel him but he gives them money so they cant correct him much. They just tell me to be patient and prayerful. Its been almost 5 years since this change in attitude. I do not recognize the man I married anymore.
Like I said, its been almost 5 years without sleeping with my husband. I hardly see him. We hardly agree on anything. I have prayed and waited on God. I think its safe to say…maybe divorce is the next thing. What else am I enjoying in this marriage? If you were in my shoes…what will you do?
At 45…I am still young and desirable….I cannot continue to endure this marriage…I do not want to grow old miserable or die heartbroken.
Anonymous
Photo Credit:Istock
Hello Dear sister, firstly you should know you are much stronger than you think you are..trust me you are, happiness is a choice that you should decide on and I don’t mean you should cheat on your husband, you said he was a dedicated Christian, I don’t think he was, he just maybe had a good character, I think he is cheating, trust me money is not evil but having money brings out the true nature of people, since girls flock around him, I strongly believe he is cheating. But one thing I want you to get here is that, yur happiness is in your hands, make yourself happy cos you have the power to be happy, its your duty to be happy not your husband’s duty, the problem with us is that we trust people and when these people disappoint us we get heart broken, I don’t preach trust at all, I’m sure if someone told you 13 years ago that your husband will do this, im sure you will say no he can’t, I trust my husband but see what he is doing, for five years he hasn’t had S.e.x with you, my sister, your husband is probably CHEATING on you, even the bible says favor is deceitful in proverbs 31:30, so him giving you money and gifts is too make you feel he loves you, ladies must know the tricks we men play to deceive you. If you can keep up with the marriage, good for you but I won’t advise divorce but pls make plans for finance, in case he says he doesn’t want the marriage again, and I’m sure you don’t want that, your husband true nature is what he has been exhibiting, him having money only gave him the opportunity to truly show his real character, don’t be surprised if you check his phone and see his chats and see he has been cheating even with several ladies, even in the past which you may not know of. My dear Sister, your husband said, he has not been sleeping with you all this years and says you are stupid to think he hasn’t been sleeping with other ladies, he has gotten to the point where he doesn’t care if you catch him cheating physically or see his phone chats, my Sister I insist BE STRONG and be happy and I don’t mean cheating on your husband, if you do cheat then you are just wicked as your husband, but get proofs of his chats and save them in case of future issues maybe divorce. I wish you all the best. I am Akin
I didn’t finish my advise, this is it, pls don’t allow him blame you for his cheating in case you find out he is, he is totally responsible for that not you, so pls don’t allow him shift the blame to you. He is a grown man not a baby. So be strong Sister. GOD bless you
Please don’t leave oooo,you have to remain there and continue praying for him biko.In no time he would come back to his senses. No woman will take your place,you have helped him become somebody so your duty is to pray and watch God restore back his senses. It is well
Sorry you are going through that sis.
Your husband is yours, this is what I will suggest you do.
Stop praying and waiting the way you have been doing, let’s change the approach.
Pray in the Spirit, and make declarations, don’t pray fire and brimstone again.
Just pray in the spirit, and make declarations of what you want, like, “I love my Husband, My husband is a good and responsible man, my husband is blessed, my Husband fear and live God, I am Beautiful, my presence is that of peace and love, my home is solidly rooted, and so on” if you pray for 10mins for Instance, pray in the spirit for 7mins and make declarations for 3mins.
21days, your husband is coming back.
You need to find your happiness. When your husband sees your happiness doesn’t depend on you then he will begin to realize his mistakes. Don’t bug him or keep complaining. Ignore him and be very happy. He will get the impression that you are cheating on him to but you are only finding your place. Take your children out, have fun with them. Build your world, develop yourself. It won’t be easy but you are a strong woman and you can do it.
As for your husband, I pray he doesn’t remain alone because he is loosing his family to chasing wind.
Keep praying for your husband that he will wake up soon.
Hallo madam,
First of all, forget divorce and make up your mind to fight for your marriage to the last ounce of blood.
Secondly, don’t ever try to retaliate cheating for cheating. Two wrongs can never make a right.
Thirdly,. I want to believe that it is the foundation of polygamy that he has, that is afflicting his marriage and life. Considering that its a spiritual case, you really need to tackle the problem also spiritually and physically.
I will suggest you seek help from spiritually aggressive churches like MFM. I’m not a member, so don’t think I’m inviting you to my church. Cases like this are just demonic bewitchment and you need to counter them and destroy their hold upon his life. Your husband does not know what he’s doing presently. Keep on fighting and help divorce him from his polygamous background. Its an inheritance and even if he’s a pastor, it would still affect his life.
Also, I will advise you to be strong and bold for your children. Take good care of yourself and your financial future. Invest massively in your children’s name. Plan your financial future like a woman who has nobody to depend on.
Look your best and make yourself happy with your children. Your husband strayed away and your prayers will bring him back home safely anytime from now. Invest in your children and yourself. God bless
Hello madam,
Your husband did not change…his true character only manifested when money got into the picture. As long as he was not financially in control, he was humble…now , he is free to do as he pleases.
The advise for you is: if you loved him when things were good…please love him more when things are not as good.
As long as there is no abuse in the marriage…let him be…let him have his peace while you have yours. Its hard to not have communication or interaction in a marriage but you have invested too much into this union to just walk away without trying to salvage things.
so, you should keep praying for him. Forgive him for hurting you and pray for him.
Time will tell…you have been without s*x for five years…that is to tell you that you can do it…please yourself…do not cheat…find happiness in many other areas like taking vacations with your children, helping people live their best life,etc
Above all…keep your own line of the communication open. Send him messages of love and hope now and again. He may be watching how your been reacting…a change in reaction might just do the trick.
Give it some more time and investment in prayers. But whatever decision you take, make sure you make plans to stay protected, happy and proud of yourself: cos you are strong and you will be just fine in the end.
Cheers
Money just like power brings out a person’s true character. Your husband was humble because he had nothing now that he is successful you can see his true character revealed. He needs prayers and a lot of it too. I doubt he prays much himself. You will need to stand in the gap for him as a true wife. Please don’t leave. He needs you more at this time. Also, please invest a lot of the money he throws at you.
[…] ALSO READ: My Marriage Started To Breakdown After We Became Rich -Pls Advise […]