Hi,
Yesterday, I read about the lady who cheated on her man and is asking for forgiveness. (Click here to read the story). This story made me want to share mine. I can say that this lady really f*cked up and its best she moves away because even if the man forgives her and marries her,their marriage will never be a happy one.
Here is my story:
7 Years ago,I married my husband after dating for 3 years. At the time we got married,things were tight for us financially. I got pregnant immediately and I could not work cos I was very sick. In that time,my husband had to take a contract in Benue state.
We needed the money so he had to go even though I was heavily pregnant and sickly. Then,mobile phones were not so reliable. I missed my husband so much. Even when I had my baby,he was not around. He came once in a month but I felt really lonely.
After that contract,more contracts came for him successively in Benue and Abuja. He was travelling alot. Our kid practically grew up seeing dad once on a month or two. My needs too suffered. I thought if I went back to work,I would focus on the job and not miss him so much.
I got a job as a PA. And everything was cool but my boss was having issues with his wife who was a career woman. Before you could say jack:we bonded over the absence of our spouses at the time and we started having an affair. It killed me to betray my husband but I couldn’t understand how he would stay without s*x for months …I low key suspected he was cheating but I never had proof.
Eventually, my husband found out I was cheating cos one day he came into town when I was not expecting him. He came to pick me up from work to surprise me and got there only to find out that I was not at work. He was told by security that I had closed and gone home.
He got home and waited outside for me to return:only for him to see me being dropped off by my boss around 11pm,after giving me a kiss. My husband went livid and I thought our marriage was over. I tried to lie but he swore that it was truly over except I told the truth. I wanted to save my marriage so I told him everything.
I told him how I was lonely and its been more than 3 years since he lived with us. I told him I was sorry…there was no excuse but I was emotionally deprived. It took us a while but my husband eventually forgave me.
He started taking only contracts that would enable him spend more time with his family. I thought things would go back to normal but they never really did. My husband and I grew apart more and more. I realized that he was always trying to forget me sleeping with another man.
For 6 months we didn’t have s*x. And when we did,he cried after. I felt so worthless and regretted my actions. I even started thinking of divorce. My friends blamed me for owning up to my indiscretions. They said I should have denied it to the later cos my husband would never forgive me as men do not truly forgive cheating by their wives.
That was about five years after our marriage. It was a truly difficult time for all of us. Until one day, I noticed that our new neighbor that is a single mother who happens to be from the same town was becoming close. The woman has two teenage children but every time she needs something she calls my husband.
Calls my husband to buy fuel,to help her when her car has issues. They call each other sister and brother but I see the woman seriously flirting with my husband. When I complained to my husband: his answer was: not everyone cheats on their spouses.
That statement broke me. But I have to swallow it. I caused it. So I watch that woman all over my husband. Sometimes she cooks and sends to us. Knowing its actually for my husband. I want to warn her but I know it would upset my husband. But what can I do? How do I stop this insult?
Its only a matter of time before this woman sleeps with my husband. That is if they have not already done so. So,because I cheated…I cannot complain when my husband is flirting with another woman. I wished I never crossed that line. It feels like my indiscretions gave him licence to misbehave.
That is why that lady from yesterday’s story should just walk away quietly. Its for better.
Now,I am wondering: is this what I am going to bear for the rest of my life? Should I walk away? Should I confront the woman? Their behavior is making me a laughing stock in our compound yet my husband sees nothing wrong with it.
My marriage is not a happy one…please advise me…
Anonymous Lively Stones Facebook Member
Photo Credit:Shutterstock
I sincerely think both of you need to go for counselling… Hurting people do hurt others.. That you did something wrong doesn’t mean you can’t speak up or out against something wrong.. But also go about it with all wisdom.. Calmly and gently talk to your husband.. If possibly know how he is feeling about what happened and how you can help make it right… There’s nothing God cannot do… It hasn’t reached that point of no repair.. But I really think both of you need COUNSELLING So you don’t mess it other up and leave yourselves broken..
I will advise you talk to your husband about what he is doing is breaking you..he is doing it to hurt you and to punish you which is really bad on his own part because he said he has forgiven you.. you can’t just walk away when he hasn’t said so because all blames will be on you and you haven’t caught him with the woman sleeping with themselves..Talk to him ask him what he truly wants from you ask why he is doing all that he is doing based on his response you can now decide on what to do.best of luck.
It was unfortunate you allowed yourself to plunge into marital infidelity, which always makes you to pay bitterly for your actions.
You need to ask for God’s forgiveness (if you have not), forgive yourself and make your husband love you again. Go out of your way to show him love. Prove your love to him, no matter what.
He might be doing what he’s doing to spite you, but you mustn’t allow it to get to you.
Commit your marriage to God for healing.
Fight for your marriage. Ask God to separate him from the strange woman who is trying to ruin your home and He will.
Shalom.
I kind of feel he wants you to have a taste of your own medicine, truly you shouldn’t have crossed the line.
And now only GOD can save your marriage,pray and ask for forgiveness for your own wrongs anf pray for your husband,pray against strange women.
I cant excuse the neighbor because if you hadn’t had problems too she would have done same,why call on a married man to help you everytime, she is a home wrecker and she isn’t doing it because she knows you have problems but instead that’s who she is.
What GOD has joined together …..
I just wished you hadn’t cheated …
Pray and ask GOD to give you knowledge on how to act in this case,never flare up,let him see you won’t ever cheat anymore.
It is well with you and your marriage.
Woe unto the devil!
This is actually the part were you’ll have to do everything to make him trust you. This is the work part. You can’t say anything to the woman because your husband will hear of it and it won’t turn out nice. That might push him more to the woman. Love him, and give him attention, find ways to remind him of why you both got married without making it so obvious and mind your business. Forget about those watching. Focus on your family and job (if you still work). When trust is broken, it takes time to build it back. The time it will take depends on individual.
May God take control
I seriously believe you did the wrong thing sleeping with your boss while your husband was away, however you did well telling him the truth. Now note that your story as no similarities with the previous story as yours happened in Marriage. Now the solution is not simple also but you need to ask God to forgive you, and pray God to heal your husband cz clearly he hasn’t really forgiven you and still hurts from the incident. Both of you need to see a counselor also and have serious heart to heart talk.
I’m sure that this is not the time for blames, because she had paid for every wrong thing she did back then, pls give her some advice on the way forward if u can thanks . Ur husband has not totally forgiven u, because if he had,he won’t be flirting with the woman in ur compound, talk to ur husband,ask him sensitive questions,his answers will give you a heads up on the way forward, good luck.
You should learn to keep quiet and look away from your marital sins. You husband respected you enough to forgive your ills. Your guilt is draining your strengh and depriving you of a happy home. If your husband has the slightest intention to date the woman he won’t be so stupid to do it in the open. Make deliberate effort to forgive yourself and cleanse your mind of guilt. Things are not the way it appears to you. Peace.
Its well my sister
Seek counseling and keep praying for healing
Sorry to say but your husband has not truly forgiven you if not he will not make that comment at any given opportunity he has so my sister ask him this very important question. 1,when you cheated on him how did he feel look at him eye to eye, when doing that hold his hands tell him to talk to you as a friend not a wife.2, has he truly forgiven you from his heart before then pray nd fast if possible before asking him all this question all the best my sister.
Consequences of infidelity. Your husband is finding it difficult to feel free with you again to trust you. So he is toying with you to make you feel hurt too, like the way u broke his heart.
Anyway, I won’t talk much. My best advise for you is to never give up on your husband and marriage. For him to trust you again, you need to win back his love. Do things you used to do before that made him fall in love with you. Be friendly, be caring, be responsible and obedient. Also be s*xy. When he is impressed with the way you are trying to make the marriage work, he will let go of the play, and start giving you more attention.
I would recommend these articles for you to read on ways to fight back for your marriage.
6 Step Guide on How to Fix and Save a Broken Marriage
https://livelystones.ng/2020/04/21/6-step-guide-on-how-to-fix-and-save-a-broken-marriage/
How to Save Your Marriage During Difficult Times?
https://livelystones.ng/2020/05/11/how-to-save-your-marriage-during-difficult-times/
Also communicate frequently with your husband. Don’t let the communication between you two fade away. No matter how poor it might be for now, never stop trying to make it work. Once he feels better about you, the communication between you too will become great.
Also in your discussions, keep telling him how bad you used to feel about what he is doing with your neighbour. Tell him to stop. Even if he abuses u, never stop telling him you don’t like it whenever he plays with your neighbour.
Keep on showing him love. That love from you during this hard time will heal him faster. He needs to know he is all you got. He needs to see that you are no longer going to cheat on him again. Be his best friend again.
I wish you all the best !!!
Hello madam,
This issue required wisdom, leave your past behind you, communicate more with your husband and love him more…I’m sure with time he would forgive you totally.
Pls, do not confront the other woman because it might not end well.
Go on your knees and cry to him to forgive you from his heart and I believe he will surely do that.
Pray for God intervention…it will surely end in praise.
Regards.
You have to tell him the truth and make peace with yourself… Goodluck
Hello madam,
Your husband is still definitely hurting. And you need to be patient with him. Even if you have to endure the flirting with another woman. Do not confront the woman,she is not your problem. Focus on praying for your husband to heal and forgive you completely.
I would also recommend counseling for both of you. You both have to let out the feelings of betrayal and hurt and begin to deliberately takes steps towards total healing.
It wont be easy but since you want your marriage to work…you have to be patient and prayerful. Do not let his actions hurt you…..he is hurt and hurting people hurt people they love.
He needs help…prayers and love.
On your part….keep the communication open. Tell him you know he is hurting and you want to help….let him know that you are willing to do anything to make your marriage work.
And let him know that you will be patient and forgiving eve if he cheats cos he forgave you.
No kidding…all the above sounds hard but if you can do this…there may still be hope for your marriage….
But if you feel you cannot muster the courage to be patient with him and you both seek help….then for the sake of your peace of mind….do as you want to. The ball is in your court. No point being in an unhappy marriage if its for ever.
But I would say…do not give up now…do all you can as stated above and have some faith in God to do the impossible.
God bless you.